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Day 25 How am i doing so far?

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by Ghislaine, May 12, 2018.

  1. Ghislaine

    Ghislaine Newcomer

    While i still have pain in the most disruptive areas (back and coccyx-buttocks), there are times when it is less and very occasionally i have brief periods of no pain. I am working hard, with encouragement from spouse, sister, friends and therapist to be patient. They help remind me my anxiety/worry/negative thinking has pervaded my thinking 24x7 from toddler age to now (59yrs) and I have a history of psychosomatic illnesses through those years, so may take a while to un-do such thinking as the thoughts/emotions that cause TMS are unconscious and repressed.
    Through the SEP program, I am starting to move away from obsessing about my pain persistence and slow recovery; no easy task when the pain flares up worse than normal level. I recently learned through SEP that since TMS-causing thoughts are unconscious I need to intercept them by stopping several times a day up to 1x/hour to assess what has happened in that time period and what thoughts/emotions/feelings i had/am having at the deepest (not superficial) level. I am starting to work on not just experiencing/feeling/tolerating the emotions AND I tell myself I have nothing to be frightened about whatever situation I am in or about to be in. ALSO, where appropriate, I do one or more of three things. 1) Self soothe (e.g. you're OK little girl/sweetie). 2) Talk it out with a support person (often my spouse or sometimes my FaceTime therapist. 3) Start thinking of more positive thoughts/emotions to replace the negative ones, so that in the long term my reactions to the world at a conscious and unconscious level are healthier, more positive, more constructive, more well-serving of me. I feel i have so many triggers (almost anything i do) that set off pain and suspect that is because anything i do is fraught with anxiety around inadequacy, sadness that i will be rejected/abandoned because of it, and terror that I am incapable of taking care of myself when rejected/abandoned.
    I have apprehension about making a full recovery as best stats like ~70% recovery is for significant to full recovery and recovery can be 2-6 weeks or up to 3 years. I am learning to interpret this more positively, like if i remain determined to recover, believe it is TMS, keep at it, I will recover. Such hard work, but i have read and heard repeatedly that the hard work is worth it and i sure want to give up the wretched (anxiety filled) life i have led )even though all my fears helped drive great career success), and move to a joyful, happy existence.
    Last edited: May 12, 2018

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