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Horrible Headache/Numb Mouth When Trying to Help Out with CHores

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Balsa11, Dec 5, 2020.

  1. Balsa11

    Balsa11 Well known member

    I want to challenge myself to be a better daughter to my father, who has been taking care of me for a long time.
    However, when I step up to take more steps towards independence, I get more symptoms. I hate feeling like I want to be taken care of- I used to want to feel that way but now I really really want to change. How do I build the strength and accountability I need without backsliding into TMS? Is there anything else I can do besides journaling, ignoring my symptoms, meditating, and practicing outcome independence. When symptoms alter my focus or ability to get something done, it feels counterintuitive to keep going. I'm well aware of my thoughts and emotions but no matter how much I talk to my brain about them, they keep coming back. Should I work somatically or psychologically or both? Anyone have a daily plan that works for them?
    I need help staying organized and accountable. I want to be able to handle stress better instead of breaking down every time. I'm continuing to push on with basic lifestyle changes and this program. I know it's non-linear but I wish my symptoms weren't so severe and affecting my thinking and decisionmaking. I want to grow up in a healthy way and I want to find a passion and purpose in life. I feel stuck and this is the only free resource I have (everything else is like several hundred dollars a session and it makes me pressure myself to get better). I'm only 21 and this is a challenge I constantly face. I worry I'll never get better but I know thinking this way isn't going to help my symptoms. I'm in the middle of a very challenging college degree and I need a degree to get a well-paying job. I can't afford to quit. I want to take a gap quarter but I don't know if my therapist and parents would agree. I need something to do. I feel like I'm seeing the same things on here and I keep asking the same questions. I don't feel like I've made progress past a vague "halfway point". I can't take a vacation because my country and state is experiencing a surge of thousands and thousands of COVID cases so the only escape I have in the little free time I have is Zoom calls, social media and TV and taking a risk every time I step outside my house. I also want to get my learner's permit and a credit card but with so many cases, I don't want to risk it.

    Also, my skin has gotten thinner and softer several months since my symptoms began during Zoloft withdrawal. My bones/tendons(?) feel softer and a little more tender too. Is it worth pursuing rheumatology or can I get better on my own?
  2. Baseball65

    Baseball65 Beloved Grand Eagle

    That took an amazing level of self awareness...even to get this far. ALL of us (and I am a 55 year old man) want to be taken care of... I think that is at the root of a LOT of TMS, especially in our current culture that seems to have a lot of rats gnawing at the fabric of family and relationships, and driving us apart from each other.
    But obviously the awareness is only one part.

    Somewhere around age 6 or 7 I figured out that stuff doesn't work for me.... things that seem easy for others aren't for me and I am useless and a child. So now, When I am writing about ANGER , it usually entails somebody or some situation necessitating me stepping up, and I don't want to because I know I will fail.... a lot of tension starts building up in me when I attempt these things. It used to even bring symptoms.

    Now that I have rooted out this problem, whenever I have a symptom, or become aware of tension, I have a pretty coarse self dialogue. I remind that 7 year old, that although I acknowledge his concerns and feel bad for him, I haven't got any time for him any more, and besides, I have learned that by relying on God I can do LOTS of things (and have done) that I didn't think I can do

    I don't berate him OR accommodate him. Just acknowledge him. No 'soothing' my inner child. No self loathing. Just "Hey bro... I got you. I understand you don't want to do (blank) BUT I am going to do it and it will work out so you can can keep bitching (symptoms) but I am not stopping for you.

    That attitude of disdain that Sarno told us to use towards the pain comes to mind here... except I focus it on my vivid memory of myself refusing to let myself do anything uncomfortable
    backhand and Balsa11 like this.

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