So, I've worked through the first week of the program, and I am feeling pretty confident about having TMS. I have the personality (perfectionism), the symptoms (sciatica) and the medical diagnosis (herniated discs) that are so common with TMS. The more I have thought about it, the more signs I see which lead to TMS. My first major episode with back pain was 10 years ago which lead to physical therapy, chiropractor visits and finally injections. I remember after completing the chiropractors first course of treatments, which lasted several weeks, he said that he didn't understand why I wasn't getting better. And if I remember correctly, I started getting sciatic pain in addition to the back pain after those treatments, which I blamed on the chiropractor. Seems like I was right after all, but it likely wasn't the treatments that caused it, it was the Disappointment and fear of not getting better. Finally, after two rounds of injections I found relief. My latest Mri results were compared to the Mri from 10 years ago and concludes that the findings are mostly the same. there is no way those herniated discs are causing me this much pain if they have been the same for at least 10 years! I keep holding onto this thought. I have found more to journal about from my childhood than I was expecting, since nothing major or dramatic happened. I hope I can find even more. I am having a hard time not focusing on my pain though. It hurts to stand and to walk, and often to sit or lie down. I try to ignore it but it is excruciating at times. I stay home with my kids and I hate the impact it is having on them. As if I wasn't already struggling with feelings of inadequacy... But I am really hopeful that the pain will cease, even though I'm not supposed to care about the pain. And I am hopeful that I will come out of this episode as a better person all around. I prayed that I would hurry up and learn whatever lesson this pain is supposed to be teaching me, so I guess this is it!