Day 8 Hopeful

So, I've worked through the first week of the program, and I am feeling pretty confident about having TMS. I have the personality (perfectionism), the symptoms (sciatica) and the medical diagnosis (herniated discs) that are so common with TMS. The more I have thought about it, the more signs I see which lead to TMS.

My first major episode with back pain was 10 years ago which lead to physical therapy, chiropractor visits and finally injections. I remember after completing the chiropractors first course of treatments, which lasted several weeks, he said that he didn't understand why I wasn't getting better. And if I remember correctly, I started getting sciatic pain in addition to the back pain after those treatments, which I blamed on the chiropractor. Seems like I was right after all, but it likely wasn't the treatments that caused it, it was the Disappointment and fear of not getting better. Finally, after two rounds of injections I found relief.

My latest Mri results were compared to the Mri from 10 years ago and concludes that the findings are mostly the same. there is no way those herniated discs are causing me this much pain if they have been the same for at least 10 years! I keep holding onto this thought.

I have found more to journal about from my childhood than I was expecting, since nothing major or dramatic happened. I hope I can find even more.

I am having a hard time not focusing on my pain though. It hurts to stand and to walk, and often to sit or lie down. I try to ignore it but it is excruciating at times. I stay home with my kids and I hate the impact it is having on them. As if I wasn't already struggling with feelings of inadequacy...

But I am really hopeful that the pain will cease, even though I'm not supposed to care about the pain. And I am hopeful that I will come out of this episode as a better person all around. I prayed that I would hurry up and learn whatever lesson this pain is supposed to be teaching me, so I guess this is it!

 

Keep up the good work! We want our pain to be gone, that's why we're here! The goal is to not be afraid of the pain when it comes. Fear is often times as good of a distraction as the pain itself. It keeps us from exercising, it keeps us in bed, on the couch, keeps us from doing chores, etc. We can acknowledge the pain when it's there, but not let it dominate our thoughts. Talk to your pain, tell it that you know what it's trying to do (distract you).

 

Hi zero76,

I know what you mean. I have a babygirl and she relies on me to take care of her. I worry about how I'm suposed to take care when my pain gets worse. You are not alone in this. I like to remind myself that I'm doing this program for myself but also for my child. It may make it harder to have fun with her for a while. But in the long run I and she along with it will benefit from it. It's a better alternative then going on the same way we have for years, at least for me it is. I want to be able to do all kinds of fun active things with her in the years still to come and I know this program can help me get there.

 

Jojo, try not to think the pain will get worse so you can't take care of your baby girl.
Think positive that you are going to feel no pain soon. Discovering the TMS psychological cause(s) is the secret to healing.