Day 6 Hope

[NewBeginning]

Finished the journaling of past experience + pondering the question about fear.

Was resistant to doing the exercise, but continued on. Felt like it caused much more fear, fear, fear to arise thinking about each of the items (while I guess those were in there anyway, so maybe the better way to frame it would be that it "brought up more more more of it").

Frustrated thinking about and writing about all these negative things. All feels heavy and there is an "ickiness" in my gut when doing these things that just...like it just adds on yet one more symptom when all the others are already feeling like A LOT. Doesn't feel like there is solace to be found in it.
Almost like doing the exercises comes in and starts to diminish some of the hopefulness.

Was able to reclaim a little of it by feeling and thinking about some of the amazing positive things that are not only possible, but I believe can and will happen. So was able to come back to some of my optimism about the future... but it also sparked a feeling like maybe I am just not doing the "work" properly then by going to thoughts that offer some soothing balm. Feel there has to be a balance though.

Will keep exploring and feeling into all of it.

 

[Diana-M]

Actually, Sarno and Nicole Sachs recommend soothing yourself after doing the journaling work.

 

[NewBeginning]

Thanks so much for noting this, @Diana-M !
It definitely feels like an important part of the balance.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

Frustrated thinking about and writing about all these negative things. All feels heavy and there is an "ickiness" in my gut when doing these things that just...like it just adds on yet one more symptom when all the others are already feeling like A LOT. Doesn't feel like there is solace to be found in it.
Almost like doing the exercises comes in and starts to diminish some of the hopefulness.

More good descriptions, @NewBeginning! To me, this sounds like TMS brain trickery, trying to scare you into backing off. Even though they feel very significant, they are still only thoughts, and the truth is that thoughts can be changed, almost instantly. And that's a good reminder from Diana. Nichole Sachs recommends ten minutes of loving-kindness meditation after a JournalSpeak session, but as a resistant meditator myself, any form of self-soothing combined with self compassion is the gift to give yourself.

 

[NewBeginning]

To me, this sounds like TMS brain trickery, trying to scare you into backing off. Even though they feel very significant, they are still only thoughts, and the truth is that thoughts can be changed, almost instantly.

Thanks - this is good to know.
Trying to tell my TMS brain it won't get paid extra for working overtime - it's definitely putting in the hours (and bringing about the symptoms)! ha ha.