Hitting my first road block

Urgh. Making great progress but while journaling today about my father, I got super upset and literally abandoned it unfinished. I feel like my inner teenager is rebelling. I just don't wanna....it's too much. It makes me feel shitty. I know I have to but...

Any advice? Push through this or let it rest for now and come back to it???Initialing I had some emotion about it (sadness and then rage) and then it quickly turned to emptiness and I wanted to be done.

 

Instead of continuing journaling why not just sit and feel the emotions. I know it's really hard, I've had a few days like that, but feeling the emotions will help free you of them.

And huge virtual hugs to you - this is a really hard journey we are on xxxxx

 

Good advice from JacketSpud, Crissy.

I would go even further with a suggestion that might be even harder. I had a major breakthrough when I was originally doing this work, when I was able to get in touch with my 4- or 5-year old self during a meditation. I discovered, much to my surprise, a sad, awkward, and lonely child even though I actually had a caring and loving family (but perhaps too many kids and anxiety-prone parents).

In your case, this could be much more emotional due to issues with your father, but truly, freedom and recovery will come when you finally get to the bottom of those things that your brain has been repressing all this time, and which it wants to keep repressed. You have to reveal those things to yourself (and to your primitive brain) in order to heal. Go into it with a lot of self-love and compassion for your young self, and you will survive. Your primitive brain wants you to survive, but it's going about it the wrong way.

And always remember, you deserve to heal.

 

That's great advice guys! Thank you. What I realized today is there is a whole world of things that I have been repressing from my childhood. Things that I literally can't remember I just know it must be really bad because of overhearing things growing up and how very uncomfortable with myself I got today. I think that having a little tms therapist guidance in my case is a great
idea.

Some things are bigger than us. And that's ok.

I did some great work today. I was able to do the hardest activity tonight without pain and it was such a huge success and affirmation that this is working.

I'm also blessed with an incredible husband who has known these things for a long time but has waited until I was ready to take the leap.

Thank you for the encouragement. It's not supposed to be easy. But I absolutely deserve it.

 

Yes you do!!!!

Awesome progress, Crissy - you go, girl!

 

I think u need to take a slowly- slowly approach with the aim of getting it all out once & for all & then not dwell on it again. Do u think perhaps have a glass of wine might help to relax the inner u so that there is less of a struggle?

Sometimes its therapeutic to get things out of yr system but I don't think revisiting the past again & again will help.

The pain may vary in intensity as it all comes out.

If its feels too negative or difficult then take it easy & count yr blessings like yr wonderful husband & remember all the other good things in yr life. And then try again if u can.

Good luck!

Mala

 

Mala, this is a great piece of wisdom and i've mentioned it on many occasions. People tend to journal about a stressful event, but for some reason dwell on it over and over again. The unconconcious mind has no concept of time, or whether a threat is real or preconceived so if one keeps latching onto the same negative thought one is enforcing its power (and the unconcious may believe one is under the same threat again).

The purpose is to write comprehensively and let go and be free of the stressor/emotion. If it keeps coming into conciousness, perhaps one needs to practice mindfullness to lessen the power of the emotion.

 

Hmmm. This is an interesting concept. I had to step away yesterday. I think I am doing great and I am learning a ton but I also felt like I needed to support myself and that little girl a bit too.

I'm talking with a tms therapist on Monday as well.

Mike. You raise a great point regarding power. I always thought I was in control. Oh how absolutely wrong I was. Powerless but in control....hmmm. Lots to think about.

Thank you again.

 

I agree with Mike, that we should journal to discover the emotions or personality traits that are likely to cause TMS pain, but then don't dwell on them. Let the subconscious know we have recognized the emotions but then go on from there.

Crissyxox. I think your progress is wonderful. Good luck talking tot eh TMS therapist on Monday. Let us know how that goes?