I'm losing faith in this treatment for the first time since I became a total believer four months ago. Since last week my pain has increased to the point where I can barely walk. I've been enthusiastically reading, accepting, and believing in Dr. Sarno's books since last fall and I've been participating in this program since January 1, and none of the advice is working. I try everything: humor, inner dialogues, journaling, daily mediation, thinking psychologically, and focusing on emotions. I take days off to relax and enjoy life. I read success stories and adopt those techniques and tips, and the pain still flares up. (Today for the first time I skipped the success story because I couldn't stand to read another miraculous recovery while mine gets worse.) Journaling is certainly enlightening, but I can no longer see how writing about past traumas, stressors, triggers, anxieties, and sadness will make the pain go away. I now think about my past--something I had come to peace with a long, long time ago--more than I have in years! So in some ways, I feel worse off than when I started and like I'm a glutton for punishment. Not only is my pain worse, but I am also torturing myself with bad memories I had worked through, forgiven and put to rest decades ago. (It's like every day: "OK, time to rehash my past again! Yay!") Last night I told my husband I had doubts about TMS and he was shocked, because I've been such a cheerleader and so positive about this treatment. Even now, I feel like I'm letting people on this site down by admitting all this, because we're all supposed to be positive and not bring up ugly things or events. Can anyone else relate to feeling like this treatment is more damaging to the soul than helpful? At some point, isn't this just about pretending? I'm still out of work, I'm still in pain, I still have my past, the Thing We Cannot Name On This Site is still in power and legislating the freedoms of me, my friends and neighbors, and I'm supposed to not let it all bother me? *And please, if you're going to mock me or belittle me for writing any of this, please refrain. It's not helping my recovery or happiness.