History of codependence, anyone?

[happygal]

So, I have known on a superficial level for a long time that while my relationship with my mother is very close, it is not healthy and I have joked about us being codependent for ages. Last night, I started reading a book on codependency, "From Bondage to Bonding" by Nancy Groom, and realized with full force for the first time how co-dependent I really am. I am clearly the co-dependent child of an extremely co-dependent mother.

There was one sentence that really struck me in this book,
"Codependency holds another person hostage to other people's behaviors, moods or opinions... It's a terrible bondage."

And later on,
"Codependency is a self-focused way of life in which a person blind to his or her true self continually reacts to others..."

Not only did I think that this described my mother to a tee, but me, as well! And it made me think how co-dependency seems like the perfect "slow-cooker" for anger, repressed emotions, anxiety and TMS.

And I also realized that I have been so angry about the burden I have felt for my mother without understanding or even acknowledging my own sickness in the situation and how I perpetuate it.

Anyway, I was just wondering if anyone else out there struggles with co-dependence and how it might impact their TMS symptoms.

Thanks all.
amy (aka happygal)

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

I only am in a co-dependence relationship with my dog.
We need each other and give each other love and support.

 

[Msunn]

I think co-dependence adds to tension when we are enmeshed with another person. I think it would also fuel the "goodism" tendency in TMS.

A classic book is Codependent No More by Melody Beatte.

 

[spiralgirl1]

Hi Amy (Happygal)…
I absolutely struggle with co-dependence and like you can see a life long co dependent pattern with my mother who also has numerous co dependent behaviours.
I would like to write more regarding this but am actually in a rush this morning to go to the 'aid' of an ex relationship (yes a co dependent adult relationship) which I have yet to fully extricate myself..
Co dependency is very common in relationships where one or both people involved have addictions .. (I work in this area and have seen this numerous times).. but also caught in the patterns myself..
the first step is realising this and knowledge as power and then to begin to make changes/ create boundaries
.. you have made the first step as you describe above..
Gotta go and get 'involved in complications' that I should not allow but still learning ways of change and relationships.. including with my mother..