Hi from a grateful newcomer

Hi all,

I just joined a few days ago, and prematurely jumped into a thread, responding and also asking newcomer questions. My apologies and thank you for your patience and welcomes.

A week ago yesterday, my amazing Occupational Therapist (I now call her my angel) recommended Dr. Sarno's book, Mindbody Prescription, after Really Listening to me through my tears, and having had her own success story with the book. As I have heard others say, it feels like my name is on every page. This book has rocked my world in an amazing way, and at age 65, I am stunned at how this TMS diagnosis explains most of my life! In a nutshell, I struggled mightily in my younger years (teens and young adult years) with childhood trauma, had a serious breakdown from it all at age 19, eventually joined a 12 step group, and promptly the painful physical problems (including numerous TMS equivalents) started up, with thousands of health seeking efforts pursued all these years since. spending all money that showed up, with some reprieves until the next pain / health issue turned up. I realized the other day: my brain was trying to protect me as I started in that 12 step program, age 30, to unearth the many repressed emotions that brought on the breakdown, so: bring on the physical pain to focus on instead - let's not repeat that bad emotional breakdown.....wow, imagine realizing this all these years later, phew, still swallowing it all.....but Very Grateful - light at the end of this tunnel!

I am so taken with all of this , that I ordered and have started The Great Pain Deception, am listening to the many great YouTubes of interviews with Dr. Sarno, Steve, and the wonderful people on the Wall of Victory. I keep rereading parts of the Mindbody Perception book, esp. the 'recommended program part' - thinking psychologically , not physically. I am diving into this with my TMS kind of personality, achiever, don't give up - serving me now! I absolutely believe the diagnosis in my case.

Currently I am at the end of a knee pain issue. As soon as that was mostly resolved, my shoulders developed horrendous pain, which 'seemed' to be a result of crutches. (crafty brain - trigger on those crutches!) I now know better! The ortho even said - you have good shoulder xrays - why so much pain I wonder?

So I am no longer crying incessantly about the shoulders pain (haven't cried since I got Dr. Sarno's book, when before I felt so despairing I was crying alot daily) , practicing TMS ideas, have hope, and trying to enjoy my life again. I am blessed to be a musician, love singing and have many musician friends with whom I play. I play bluegrass music - the mandolin, and Love singing those harmonies. Interestingly: a couple weeks ago I played , enjoying myself, but was incredibly sore after. A couple days ago, same thing, but not sore after. The first time I was worrying I was way overdoing it (lots of arm action, affecting shoulders, on the instrument), so I see that worry brought on lots of pain, when I thought the cause was the playing. This past time, I had unusually less pain after than I usually do! I was having fun and making a point of enjoying my passion, not worrying!

I'm going on and on, thank you for your patience. I am so glad for this forum, as I basically have noone to really talk about it with who gets it. A few friends are already getting sick of hearing about it....I understand.

Anyway, my goal is to be healed and help others. TMS is Very Hard, And I understand it is a wake up call - I have had several such calls in my life and actually much recovery from hard things, along with Many Blessings (including a new grandson who gives me great Joy !). This is the Final Frontier I feel to be really free....It takes as long as it takes! I'm a young 65 with lots of living left....pain free will be amazing!!!

I had an experience today (an injury) that seems so ridiculous, but so related to all of this I think, I must ask what you think, those who got this far, this lengthy post! I was feeling pretty good, already getting better at a positive attitude, easy does it, relaxing more. After a shower, I proceeded to stub my toe quite badly on the corner of the wall. I almost laughed, is this possible? now? I've got knee issues , shoulders issues, and now my toe is temporarily out of commission??I decided , with my new TMS training , to take it lightly, not make a big worried deal of it, use ice, my arnica, tape the toe to the other toes, take a day off, foot up for a day (I was going to walk , do laundry , all on the agenda, but realized not smart, just chill, recover quickly over this thing, not a big deal, don't make it worse by pushing, not chronic, just briefly acute....)......So here is my question: not to get Too psychological, but it sure seems to me that my brain is so determined to keep me physically focused on pain, that it needs to have a final little party before letting this go....just my intuition....What do you think? Can anyone relate? Keeping a sense of humor, and have told my brain: I DO NOT need or want you to divert me anymore from my emotions! Thank you for trying to protect me, but you can stop now, and instead please use the same energy to increase my blood flow in these shoulders! and now toe, for God's sake....

Bless you for reading and being here. I am so very moved by Dr. Sarno, Steve, and all the amazing people who have healed from this and are involved in this amazing life-saving information.

I'll be reading more on the forum as time goes on. Thank you all!

Mandomom

P.S. I wonder, is it possible to access the Dr. Sarno documentary, All
The Rage, yet, does anyone know? Thank you.

 

Welcome to the Forum! You can purchase All The Rage on Vimeo for 5.99 I believe. You have access to it for a couple of days.
I totally believe your toe situation. A few minutes before I was planning on watching All the Rage with my husband, my wrist just starting spasming. Terrible pain! My main tms symptom is lower back pain so I couldn't believe what was happening. I believe my subconscience wanted to distract me from the Movie and it's message! I watched it anyway (even though I was rubbing my wrist the whole time, I wasn't going to let it win!)
Thanks for sharing your story and hang in there!

 

Thank you for writing, Memawjan, and for the Documentary info....very glad to have that and look forward to seeing it!

Thanks for your thoughts on my toe situation, it really helps me not feel crazy.....your wrist event likewise crazy! Love how you carried on and didn't let the distracting maneuver work . It IS amazing, this mind body connection, the subconscious going to these lengths to divert! If it weren't for what I have learned , I think I would have been very discouraged and hopeless feeling about this toe today....Instead I am finding it humorous , TMS "over-playing its hand this time" (as I recently read somewhere) and I am having a good day doing foot-up things, already the acute soreness almost gone, tomorrow back into activity. My poor hubby seems very disheartened (seems like I am really falling apart)....I try to explain TMS to him, but he is very much a mainstream medicine kind of guy, though does know about mind-body connection....just doesn't buy it fully to the TMS diagnosis. Gotta let that go, can't add worry about him and his reactions to all of this - I see I've been doing too much of that! He'll see eventually when I am more on my feet and getting better and better....Not easy stuff for family , but I'm trying to remind myself , I am doing the best I can, not my fault!! Blessings to you and yours, Memawjan

 

Mandomom - Yes, I am blessed that my husband understands TMS as much as you can "understand" it when you don't suffer from it. He certainly has heard me talk about it enough! He doesn't have any of the typical personality types that we have and tries to be understanding but I really don't think you can totally "get" it unless you have it. I do agree, it is not easy stuff for family. I'm sure they get tired of Memaw's back always hurting and probably don't understand why it never gets better! I, too, think I have had this all my life. I had a great childhood but I remember breaking out in hives when i had to practice the piano. It stressed me out because i didnt want to practice, much rather be playing! My mother used to think I was allergic to something in our house that was around the piano because I would break out in welts every time I would have to practice. Of course, they would go away when I was finished! I also talk to my brain much the way you described. I actually do think that sometimes it helps. But as you said, we're doing the best we can. Hopefully, one day we will be on the success story page! Take care

 

Hi Memawjan, Thank you for writing, it sure does help to correspond with a person on this same path toward wellness after some very hard times, going this route that many don't understand. Absolutely agree that one can't understand unless they have TMS and have lived with this for a long time, trying this and that many times. I barely can believe my life has gone this way, and I am living it! I understand your piano story - from what I am reading , one can have a good childhood, but still there are difficult experiences that start that process of repressing emotions. I also had to play and practice and do recitals, which I hated! but had no choice, could not voice my feelings.... my alcoholic mother would pressure me about it all , which was esp. confusing since she herself was so 'undisciplined' (of course not knowing , as a child, that she had a disease) . I 'm wondering if you might be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP - discussed in Elaine Aron's book), which Steve Ozanich even has a chapter on his book. I've known I am an HSP for a bunch of years now, and it has helped alot with understanding my responses to life and how to navigate in ways that work for me and having that trait. I wonder if it is more common in people with TMS - extra sensitivity in the nervous system setting us up for TMS? I'm so new at this, learning lots !

My acute toe sprain situation still challenging, but improving for sure....clearly not broken, so I am practicing TMS tools and mental / emotional focus....feeling disheartened and weary of it all, weight bearing challenging yet again....But am reading Steve's book, will listen to more on the You Tube Wall of Victory to keep encouraged....Life still happens while we recover from TMS - opportunities to practice these tools we are learning. I wrote a list of all the emotional things 'bothering me' , as Dr. Sarno recommends in his book....Then I wrote some positives about them all, because my inner child , inner critic needs to know the truth, IMO!

Blessings to you, I look forward to seeing you on the success page, yes indeed....I will be joining also. From what I hear and read, the key is not giving up, Dr. Sarno said: Try and try again....Steve learned: let go of the timing of the healing , but stay the course. If others heal we can too!

 

MANDOMOM I am not familiar with information on the Highly Sensitive Person but I looked it up and yes, I definitely am! I scored 20 on the test and they said you are if you score over 14. I will have to go back to Steve's book and re-read what he said about it. I have all of his and Dr. Sarno's books and have read them several times. I would imagine that most people with TMS are too.
I hope the pain in your toe resolves soon. It sounds like you are doing all the right things. My back has actually been a little better the last few days. I have been working on my outlook and attitude lately. As well as staying positive!
Take care!

 

Ahhhhh, check out Elaine's book if you want (libraries have it) .....more life changing info for me when I learned about it.....Thanks for the support for my efforts....I read that it is good to notice every little bit of improvement with gratitude.....it builds and builds. So bravo you! I am heading out with this challenged bod and toe to get new phone which just bit the dust (it was on its way) .....I can do it , slow but sure, will not let brain sabotage my life anymore! Not tech savvy but I am very blessed - when I was having some discouragement tears, my busy, new dad, very kind son called and spent time with me helping me about my phone situation....noticing the blessings important I think. Focus not on pain but the many good things! You are doing it, this will work for us, I am sure of it!