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Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Ana321, Feb 3, 2016.

  1. Ana321

    Ana321 Peer Supporter

    Hey all,

    So i've just arrived in Berlin in order to study abroad for half a year and am feeling so many things all at once. I feel like im coming down with another attack and am terrified.

    I feel as though i'll just have to pack up and somehow make my way home.. terrifying fear based thoughts. Physically i am in a lot of pain right now and am putting pressure on myself to feel better (bad i know but cant help).

    I just need to hear some words of support right now.. my room mate has been so supportive but i dont want to burden anyone.. im just in a terrible place.
  2. Susan1111

    Susan1111 Well known member

    @Ana321 lucky you the opportunity to study abroad! Take a deep breath and start being easy on yourself. Feeling unsettled or frightened somewhere new away from all that's familiar is natural.

    Yes you can feel better. Believe that. I read your story, you are strong and capable. Something is frightening you about being somewhere new and unfamiliar. Think about what that might be. Write it down. What do you normally do to calm down? Do it! Whatever it is you do goes with you wherever you are.

    Sending you warm caring hugs.
  3. Anne Walker

    Anne Walker Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Ana,

    I understand the panic you are feeling right now. I had a similar attack years back on the way to a film festival in Venice. And again when I first arrived at a film festival in Sundance a few years ago. Sometimes the jet lag, excitement, stress of big change can really wreak havoc. Try not to think too far in the future right now. You cannot judge what you will feel like tomorrow based on how you are feeling today. The urge to run, escape is a natural one when you are feeling panic. Notice that is what is going on and instead of resisting and fighting it(by screaming "no, this can't be happening!) accept that this is what is going on in this moment and it is okay. This can turnaround very quickly for you. You are okay. Put all you focus on some kind of emergency self care, something that you can potentially enjoy that is relaxing and calming. Sleep if you can. Get your mind off all the worst case scenarios. Those are not going to happen. When I was at Sundance I went out and got an accupuncture treatment. Not to cure my physical pain, but to calm my spirit and to be in a calm relaxing space with loving support. I had lots of important meetings and responsibilities and I was in intense pain and felt achey all over, brain fog... After the appointment I felt a little better and by the next morning I was okay. I thought I was going to have to book a flight home but it all worked out. Give yourself a little time and focus on taking care of yourself and lessoning the panic. Then you can start processing all the emotional things going on.
  4. breakfree

    breakfree Peer Supporter

    Hi Ana321

    I am really so sorry to hear of the pain your suffering right now...

    I think you need to 'Think psychological'

    Going to a new place, is a MASSIVE change, and would cause a 'normal person' anxiety, stress, worry,
    but for us tms'ers with all our personality traits, its MORE than massive !!

    New college/uni, No familiar faces, No familiar surroundings, New work ahead - this is all very daunting

    So, I think you need to journal about there here and now...

    1/ What is it I'm worried about ? WRITE it down, explore those worries - are they justified??
    is there a different way YOU could look at them ??? in a more POSITIVE way

    2/ What is it I'm stressing about ? WRITE it down, explore the things that YOU FEEL are stressing you out - are they justified?? is there a different way YOU could look at them ??? in a more POSITIVE way

    3/ What is it I'm anxious about ? WRITE it down, explore those anxieties - are they justified ??
    is there a different way YOU could look at them ??? in a more POSITIVE way

    The pain, is a MESSAGE, its telling you there's something in you mind that you haven't yet explored,
    and it could be PRESENT STRESSES (not necessarily past ones)

    Maybe WELCOME the pain, and say ''hello, you are here to remind me, that I need to think about how I'm FEELING''
    Maybe THANK the pain ''Thank you for REMINDING me there's something I need to ALLOW myself to FEEL''

    You have started a new adventure - WELL DONE !
    You have begun the next part of you life - YEY YOU !
    You have moved abroad - that's AMAZING!
    You have changed so many things - that takes COURAGE !!

    Packing up and going home would be going backwards - DONT'T look back, you're NOT going that way !!

    See if you can stick things out, make yourself proud !!

    tms can either CONTROL us, or, WE can CHOOSE to control IT ;)

    I wish you all the very best, be strong, you CAN do it

  5. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Ana123,

    Wonderful responses so far. You can see the interesting connections between mental stress, anxiety, fear, and symptoms. This is your experience, and you did nothing wrong to create this.

    You are going through a lot. Try to have compassion for yourself. Remember that very simple breathing practices can help calm the mind, like Walt always says.


    Sending my support,

    Andy B
    breakfree likes this.
  6. Gigi

    Gigi Well known member

    Hi Ana. I do quite a bit of travel, and each time I'm in an unfamiliar city, I get the same type of momentary panic: I can' tread the street signs! My xxxxx language skills aren't good enough...etc.
    But then I remind myself:
    • How privileged I am to travel
    • I've always managed to get where I need to go
    • Some of my funniest stories have come out of uncomfortable experiences
    • Travel humbles me and soothes my soul
    So yes, take a deep breath, dive in, and immerse yourself in another culture.
    You can DO this!!!!!
  7. Ana321

    Ana321 Peer Supporter

    Hey guys,

    Thank you for all of your responses, they have been so wonderful..

    I'm just going to keep trying to breathe and be mindful, this is a massive change. I suppose i'm worried about looking like some kind of a 'freak' amongst everyone and dragging say my room mate down with all of my issues.. but she has been really great about it..

    I'm also beating myself up over wanting to take a pain killer in the morning to just feel a little more secure, i'm stressing about how long i'll need to do that.. it's just relentless the thoughts my mind is churning out, i just really want to combat it all with the breath, one breath at a time.. don't know how that is going to go..

    I got myself here, i worked hard to be able to do this and yet again, i feel like if i freak out and go home which id on't think i will i would have let my family down, and this isn't about anyone else it's about me but i guess that's another area of concern for me..

    Thanks so so much for the support, really means the world..
    breakfree likes this.
  8. Tennis Tom

    Tennis Tom Beloved Grand Eagle

    Take the pain killers, you don't sound like you have an addictive personality. If you did you wouldn't be writing about not taking them. If the pain killers don't help, see a doctor and tell him you're very nervous about being away from home, etc., and if he could prescribe something to relax you.

    I was in a similar situation to yours during a junior year abroad in the Middle-
    East, when my roommate came down with hepatitis. He turned orange, collapsed and was hospitalized. I felt guilty because I was the one who talked him into this adventure. His doc noticed how nervous I was and gave me an RX for Valium. It did the trick, and settled my nerves down nicely so I could support my friend and carry on with my studies. I only needed to take them for a short stretch. The year finished up very well after a bad start.

    Dr. Sarno prescribed pain killers when necessary and mild doses of anti-depressants have been found to be helpful for TMS. Don't hesitate or fret about getting some relief from some meds, that's what they were invented for. If you were having a root-canal would you do it cold-turkey? Also make sure you're getting some exercise to help relieve your pent-up anxiety.

    Last edited: Feb 4, 2016
    breakfree likes this.
  9. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Ana321,

    I hope you take some time to listen to


    and the Providing Comfort right after this.

    I think you are under a lot of attack by the superego, with issues of how your family might see you, how people see you, your decision to be abroad correct? and one thing you can do when you hear that voice inside attacking you (with the doubt, self-diminishment, fear) is to tell it to BACK OFF!!! That will give you your center back. Also, alternatively, you can provide comfort and soothing to yourself. Be your own good friend and say good things to yourself. You deserve all the love you need right now. You are suffering and you need comfort.

    That is a wonderful aim, because it is bringing you into the present, and away from the spinning mind. The mind will always do these silly painful things. You're developing a deep skill to watch it, but not believe it! This skill will always be your friend.

    Andy B
    breakfree likes this.
  10. Susan1111

    Susan1111 Well known member

  11. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member

    Excellent advice from all…regarding the meds…I was always a advocate if you need them take them. There is no crime SELF CARE is priority #1, Also journaling and self talk I found to be very helpful getting me threw worse of times. You will be fine enjoy the experience soak it in and let it be.

    Much Care
    breakfree, Tennis Tom and Susan1111 like this.
  12. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Ana. You have gotten some excellent replies from others, and I can only echo them. I was in Germany when in the army years ago and loved the country but never got to Berlin. I would love to see the city. Take those deep breaths and turn your anxiety into positive thinking... how great it will be to study there and soak up the culture. I am a big fan of beer, brats, and oompapa music.
    mike2014, breakfree and Tennis Tom like this.
  13. Ana321

    Ana321 Peer Supporter

    Hey all,

    Yesterday was a more positive day in the sense that i had pain but i wasn't freaking out about it as much as i normally would. I ended up cycling around the city and then struggled with walking for a while but sort of picked myself up again and kind of made it through the day without any pain killers. I ended up going for a cycle at the gym in the evening too.

    I'm starting to realise the extent of my people pleasing. I've never really had space to notice it i don't think. For e.g. when i am sitting with someone in a cafe i am wondering whether or not they would like to leave yet? Or have i spent up too much of there time talking even though the conversation has been engaging. I also realise i'm trying to contact everyone back home to make sure no one feels like i've abandoned them, or i'll feel bad if i want to head out alone and not spend the whole day with my room mate, although i'm getting better at being able to do that slowly, being able to say no, i just want alone time. I'm not sure whether this has a lot to do with my TMS pain?

    The breathing exercises have been great, i wake up quite sore in the morning still and am a bit panicked already as to how i'm going to get through another day but i'm trying to remind myself i'll be ok even though i really don't know anymore. I'm trying to accept the pain and not want it to go away even though i would like it to. It's interesting because there is also this need to have it around but i'm going to have faith that i am abroad for a reason and this is my time to learn to get to know myself and maybe change these hard wired ways of being.

    I get upset because i still feel like i can't 'keep up' with everyone my age in the sense that i'll have to walk slowly or sometimes my limping is more pronounced then others but i'm hoping to sort of learn that this isn't about anyone else, it's about me!!!

    So that's what's going on so far.. all of you have been so wonderful, cannot even express the extent of my appreciation, thank you so much.
    breakfree likes this.
  14. Ana321

    Ana321 Peer Supporter

    Also, i'm waking up nervous but a little more excited about the day even though i'm in pain. I still wake up and straight away think about ok, what is it i have to do? Get done? Need to get over with? Etc etc.. i just want to relax more. I have all these awful sensations running through my leg when i stand but maybe this is telling me to LEARN TO SLOW DOWN, life isn't about getting up and just getting things done? Is it possible that this awful pain is a result of this kind of a way of being?

    I also realise i'm constantly listening to people's problems and trying to help them resolve there issues and feel like i have to apologise when i talk about what goes on with me so i don't bore them even though people that are intelligent and kind have told me to stop doing this, there is no need to apologise. I just never really had the space to realise some of these things back home like i do now..
    breakfree likes this.
  15. Ana321

    Ana321 Peer Supporter

    Self imposed pressure can wreak havoc right?
    breakfree likes this.
  16. Ana321

    Ana321 Peer Supporter

    I also found it interesting how my room mate asked me yesterday if i ever get angry? She was like i can't imagine you getting angry, you need to yell. A lot of people have said the same thing about me in the past.. so classic.
    breakfree likes this.
  17. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Ana,

    You are opening to so much incredible awareness regarding the habitual way you try to please others, and are pressuring yourself to take care of others needs, or fear what they are thinking. I can relate to each thing you listed, except maybe my walking, but then I could substitute some other physical thing about me that I reject.

    How wonderful to have all this learning. Remember too, that Dr. Sarno did not say you needed to change much, as much as connect your learning about your inner life with your symptoms. So you have a huge amount of evidence that you listed above about the superego viewpoint. Now you can imagine how the Inner Child might feel in each situation. Then you know where the symptoms are arising from; they're arising to distract you from the feelings of the Inner Child down deep.

    You will learn to treat yourself better, and take your own space in life naturally, over time, with your insight. No pressure. Just sense into what you want, and take some small steps as you like. Move toward space and pleasure and what feels good for you. And give yourself time in this process. (Don't beat yourself up for beating yourself up! Congratulate yourself for your insight whenever you see the habitual behavior that you're becoming so aware of.) I am so happy for you!

    (And your goal to develop a disinterest in pain is critical as well.)

    Andy B
    breakfree likes this.
  18. Susan1111

    Susan1111 Well known member

    Wow Ana what you have started to realize about yourself is huge! You know why? It's the beginning of allowing yourself to do things differently. Someone else telling you really isn't the same as feeling it within yourself. Good for you!

    Here is a thought to start your day before you even get out of bed. Yes all about YOU and starting positive. First start gentle stretching in bed. Bring your knees to your chest feel your lower back ease....lift your eggs up in the air. Turn on your side and stretch your arm over your head turn on the other side do the same thing. Sit at the edge off your bed before stepping off and roll your shoulders, move your neck perhaps side bend...you know what.... do whatever feels good and stretchy. You are an orgsnism not a machine feel freedom and allow tension to leave your body....Think of a cat when it wakes and stretches!
    And lastly try the 4-7-8 breathing.. You are now ready to go and enjoy your day. Notice I said 'your' because you know what you count and your day is important!!

    Warmly, Susan
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2016
    breakfree and Boston Redsox like this.
  19. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    A girlfriend once told me she didn't think I loved her because I never was angry at her. She was right. I liked her, but did not love her.

    I am almost 86 and never married although I almost became engaged to three different girls. Now that I think of it, thanks to these posts here today, I was never angry at them. I have sometimes gotten angry at my dog, but that passes fast, and I know I love her. Oh well, on with the day.
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2016
    Bodhigirl, breakfree and Tennis Tom like this.
  20. Bodhigirl

    Bodhigirl Well known member

    Oh so thankful for the search engine here: jetlag is rough. I am glad to be connected here as I awakened at 3am - halfway through a trip touring Vienna - with monumental pain in my old traveling/bike injury/somatic memory lower right back and hip!
    I told my unconscious to bring on whatever I needed to feel. Surrendered to accepting a boatload of information: grief, unwept tears of self-pity for falling off my horse two weeks ago, knowing I walked more yesterday than in the last two weeks combined. Hundreds of U Bann stairs. Exercised doing Pilates floor work yesterday for the first time since the fall.
    Fact: my coccyx is bruised. Contusion is not a word I am familiar with till now.
    Ow! For real!!
    Then TMS and jetlag wish to piggyback on to the equation.
    I say no.
    I say Accept TMS diagnosis and let go of my story of being damaged. The story goes back to my preverbal days.
    I did not create it on purpose.
    Jetlag is an opportunity to be vulnerable!
    How's THAT for a re-frame, you guys?

    With palms together,
    MWsunin12, Gigi and Tennis Tom like this.

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