Help with stepping up the work

[feduccini]

Hi friends, I've been doing this work for 9 months now and constantly improving. Things changed a lot, and right now I feel I really could use some suggestions and opinions.

My symptom imperative used to be the left leg, but it's changing to lower back (I still have symptoms on the legs, as in other places like neck, hand etc). Nevertheless this lower back pain gets higher after long walks or standing still for more than one hour. So I'm trying to do that every day, as I talk to my mind there's no danger and I'm taking care of it. I'm journaling kinda daily as well.

I know it's a critical step that every TMSer has to go through, the moment you gotta step up the work. The thing is, I gotta pay attention all the time not to let my mind become a battlefield. My anxiety is taking the hardest hit, fearing spasms. My inner child tries to victimize. My inner parent (who got a little problem with patience) wants me to fix everything. They calm down a little when meditating, but as soon as I stand up... look who's back.

Irocanilly, almost everytime I measure my stress levels, it's normal or down hahaha

Well, that's it people. What do you think?

 

[Ellen]

The thing is, I gotta pay attention all the time not to let my mind become a battlefield.

This is a struggle we all have to some degree. It takes practice to give up the battle. You mention meditation as helpful. I find practicing active mindfulness meditation the best for this. As soon as I become aware I am in a mental battle, I do some daily activity (walking, washing dishes, showering etc) in a mindful manner as long as I can. Mindfulness is defined as paying attention to the present moment without judgment. Adding the activity makes it easier than just sitting in my opinion.

 

[Jettie1989]

Lately I try to say to myself as a kind of mantra "I'm allowed to feel any way that I'm feeling, and think anything that I'm thinking."
Sometimes I step in the trap of not wanting to be stressed because it will trigger symptoms. So then, of course, this becomes a vicious circle because you can get quite stressed because of that.

I read a technique to avoid this, which is: When you notice a thought or feeling that you'd want gone you can think, "ah, this is .... (blank. boredom, pain, hunger, obsessing, etc) . This happens. it will pass."
and then do some visualisation with the thought or feeling sliding by as clouds. but very short and sweet. very light.
And after that you continue with what you where doing. and if it bothers you again, you do exactly the same.

This helps with the effect of Ironic Process Theory (if you try to avoid thinking of a white bear you'll think about it way more than if you hadn't tried to avoid the thought.) if you don't want to think victim thoughts, you'll think even more victim thoughts, if you try not to be hard on yourself you'll get even more of those thoughts.

When I do the technique (which is just a very short mindfulness thingy) it really helps me avoid mental fighting, and obsessing over how to do the tms techniques right.

 

[feduccini]

I find practicing active mindfulness meditation the best for this. As soon as I become aware I am in a mental battle, I do some daily activity (walking, washing dishes, showering etc) in a mindful manner as long as I can.

Hmmmm I'll try to integrate that with walking. It'll be a good mind training, because I feel obliged to always listen to something. Thanks!!

When you notice a thought or feeling that you'd want gone you can think, "ah, this is .... (blank. boredom, pain, hunger, obsessing, etc) . This happens. it will pass."
and then do some visualisation with the thought or feeling sliding by as clouds. but very short and sweet. very light.

I do the DARE technique of letting the thought be. It's somewhat similar to what you described, without the visualization. And thanks for the mantra! I'll just change one thing so that it goes well with my shoonya meditations: "My mind is allowed to feel what's feeling..."

 

[Ybird]

and think anything that I'm thinking."

very helpful, thank you

 

[Diana-M]

My mind is allowed to feel what's feeling..."

I’ve heard of this idea: Welcome your feeling. Say you’ve been expecting it. And serve it some tea. Let it stay awhile. Don’t try and run from it.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

Knowing you, @feduccini, you're already turning this around, so maybe you're already seeing what I have to add to this discussion; but in case others find this topic, which I think is universal in the TMS world and work, I'd like to go back to where you started and bring it around to addressing the universal concept of Pressure. Starting with this statement:

I know it's a critical step that every TMSer has to go through, the moment you gotta step up the work.

That's my underlined emphasis on those last words, because here is where so many of us get tripped up. This is Pressure, and Pressure does not lead to recovery.

And let's notice how all the great advice you received above is the antithesis of pressured activities - it's all about giving yourself a break and treating yourself with compassion and kindness, and taking on your internal chatter with a soft touch instead of "I gotta".

Mind you, there is truth in what you say here, but... you know what I'm going to say, right?

The thing is, I gotta pay attention all the time

Yep - remove the "gotta" and see if you can find another way to express this with more patience and self care. What you're describing is a state of mindfulness in which you are more quickly aware of when you need a mind shift. No one I know can exist in such a state all the time (maybe some spiritual yogis who don't live in the real world) but over time we can get better at recognizing the need for that shift. It absolutely comes with practice - along with belief, patience, and kindness for ourselves, as Nicole always says.

 

[feduccini]

This is Pressure, and Pressure does not lead to recovery.
...
it's all about giving yourself a break and treating yourself with compassion and kindness, and taking on your internal chatter with a soft touch instead of "I gotta".

I think you went straight to the point, Jan, thank you! Instead of celebrating I can do more, I'm worrying about what I haven't achieved yet. This comes from a place of mistrust and fear that has always been in the root of my anxiety. You see, I was talking about my inner parent hastiness but falling for its trap at the same time.

I got some well buried issues with unworthiness that I believe are my main TMS source, and a sabotaging part of me tries to keep me from doing the work, because it thinks I'll drop the ball and the emotional pain will be unbearable. I know it's not truth, that I won't drop the ball. And talking to this part and making it trust me has been a challenge, because it hides itself behind the anger. But if it thinks it will make me give up, oh boy it doesn't know me at all...