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Help Needed

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Donna180007, Nov 1, 2020.

  1. Donna180007

    Donna180007 Newcomer

    I am Donna and I am 29 years old. I have had quite a tough year and I need some help from practitioners and/or survivors to encourage me that I will pull through cause i am on the verge of giving up.

    In mid March I fell onto a pavement as I was disembarking from a bus. I fell on my hands and knees and did not think much of the fall because I have had worse accidents as a child. I was able to go to work for 2 days with no issues before the COVID restrictions kicked in and I got stuck at home. During the months of April and May I was able to keep fit by going for an occasional jog.

    I returned to the office in June but noticed a dull pain in my lower back going down to my posterior. Being someone who is rarely sick, I ignored the pain for a week hoping that it would go away by itself. On the 8th of June I was in dilapidating pain and I slowly walked myself to an ER. I was given pain killers and advised to see and Orthopedic surgeon. I went to an Orthopedic the next day and he did a couple of physical exams and also just gave me pain killers and a steroid shot in my back. I braved through the pain for the rest of June/July with limited mobility but I was able to get around. I returned to the Orthopedic at the end of July still in pain and barely able to move and he scheduled an MRI. The results showed that I have a bulging disc that presented no serious problems and that I was otherwise fine. A blood test was then ordered to check for further ailments and even that came out fine with just a minor inflammation for which I was given an anti inflammatory drug. I felt better after a while and returned to work in September.

    On my second day back at work, I was walking and my whole back muscles got super tight into a strong spasm and I fell to the ground face down unable to get up. After going back to my Orthopedic he prescribed Physio for me which I promptly started. Meanwhile, I tried Acupuncture and Osteopathy all to no avail. At this point, I had gotten worse and was not able to move at all. My physiotherapist refused to see me anymore due to my lack of mobility. I went back to my Orthopedic and he said he could not do anything further. This was a month ago.

    I went to my GP who was able to give me some muscle relaxers which helped me sleep at night for the first time in months. Unfortunately they have been unable to stop the muscle cramps all together and I still cannot walk by myself because I am scared of falling again due to the spasms coming anytime. I did a new blood test and this time it says that I no longer have an inflammation.

    Meanwhile. I am experiencing very bad muscle spasms that last for at least 5 minutes. During these 5 minutes I am unable to breathe because the muscles in my back and stomach get so tight and I feel like I am suffocating. These spasms come at very random times like when I am walking, going down the stairs and especially when I am showering. These spasms are so intense that I am literally drenched in sweat after they pass. I have gotten so depressed because doctors still say I am physically fine. I have read Dr. Sarno’s books and they have helped me a little but I need help coping because I am super depressed. I have noticed that the spasms are triggered by fear (going down stairs, walking by myself Or falling in the Shower) and also every time I have to talk about my family issues with anyone other than my best friend or husband. Also, I am able to walk when my hand is held because I rationalize that there is no danger. I have been doing the healing program posted here too but I am getting quite impatient because there is no noticeable improvement yet.

    Has anyone else experienced this? How did you heal? What should I do. I have tried everything.
  2. miffybunny

    miffybunny Beloved Grand Eagle

    You seem to have a lot of insight about the way your brain works and how symptoms are fueled by your fear and focus on them. Fear can actually become an addiction and we get hooked on this fear cycle. Pessimism and depression is a direct result of the addiction. When you start to turn down the fear, you dampen the danger center and signals cease to get triggered. You are also very aware of your trigger which is great. Now you just have to catch yourself in the anticipation of those triggers, and reassure yourself that you are safe and totally fine and normal. The next step is to address the underlying emotions which are also safe and this is what you will communicate to your brain over time. The faster you want the tms (which is a symptom remember) to go away, the longer the process will take. When we get frustrated it's because we start projecting into the future ("is this ever going to end?" "when is this hell going to stop?" "what if I can't get better?) and we start catastrophizing. What that does is just cause the brain to freak out further. When we get frustrated (which is totally normal), it just reinforces the fear, pain, fear loop because we are in a state of resistance and not allowing . We are giving the symptoms sooo much meaning, and weight and power...which only reinforces the tms strategy. When we stop worrying about the sensations and stop being concerned about them, and when we view our "triggers" as innocuous things, the tms fades out because we are no longer fueling it. The goal for you now is to calm down and find ways to relax and things that bring you joy. Don't allow the symptoms to intimidate you, as they are merely false alarms.
    Donna180007 and backhand like this.

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