Help needed, neuro symptoms

[jula]

I'm so sorry for your suffering. I know others have already said it, but it was one of the most important concepts in my healing process so I'll repeat it.... one of the things that is scaring you the most is how the symptoms are changing and moving--different places and different "flavors". This thing that scares you can also be one of your best friends on the healing journey. Because injuries, tumors, and other structural problems just don't move around like that, do they? Once you realize that the very changeability of your symptoms is evidence of TMS it turns something terrifying into something optimistic!

Here's how I look at it... When the pain moves to a new spot, it has left an old spot free. That spot--the nerves, tendons, muscles in that place--is capable of being pain free. It is perfectly fine! But I just idn't notice this at all because I was focused on the new hurt. When something that used to pinch starts to burn, the good news is that the pinching is gone, but I didn't even notice that part because I can only see the burning. When the burning changes to tingling, then it's proof that my body doesn't have to burn at all...there is no innate "burning problem" in my body. But I didn't even see it because the tingling was terrifying. At least that was my experience.

So for me, healing has been just helping my body do what it was already doing.......changing places and sensations and symptoms. But instead of one symptom disappearing to be replaced by another, my symptoms just disappear. That's it. They were ALREADY disappearing all the time, so I KNEW they could DO THAT. It's just that before, they would be replaced and now they aren't (or not too often anyway, and when they are I know how to help the new thing fade away quickly).

Once I realized that the changeability of my pain and rashes and IBS and everything else was proof that the whole damn thing was TMS, it really jump started my path to healing. I'm not fully cured yet, but the progress has been tremendous and I'll get there. I started with a looooooot of symptoms so it's not too surprising that it is taking time. I'm at about 90% cured so far. You can do it too! My heart goes out to you because I think I know how deep the fear you are experiencing is. But don't give up. You can do this!

I strongly strongly strongly recommend Alan Gordon's program on this wiki...the whole thing but especially the part about somatic tracking. It was somatic tracking that really allowed me to understand that the "changiness" of my symptoms was actually the key to the cure. Good luck! Don't give up!

Good point, I didn’t look at it like that at all. That’s true, the symptoms migrate a lot and some persist but still it’s not like I feel the pain all the time. I am trying hard not to Google new symptoms. I am definitely not giving up. I just need to see a neurologist and if it’s all good I will commit fully. I know I have problems with emotions but I feel maybe one symptom cropped up because of a problem I had recently and then I started obsessing that it might be something serious and the whole vicious cycle began and quickly escalated. And now it’s hard to stop.

Jula, it is called anxiety, general anxiety syndrome multiplied by fear. I have been there. I can only repeat this:

I highly recommend everybody to listen to audio recordings by Claire Weekes. I found for myself that listening has much stronger impact on me than reading. Hearing her voice had a magic effect on me and I would play her audio several times a day, for months! Also, videos with Sarno were incredibly comforting, so I repeated them day after day. It is a different way of sensory feed into your brain and it may be more effective than reading.

It may sound funny, but listening to the same thing 3 times in a row had a calming effect on me. Used along with meditation, it did the trick.

I know it’s anxiety. I am trying relaxations and I listened to Dr Weekes, but you know how it is, it’s good for a while and then another thing begins and I spiral again. I already had an anxiety episode and it was difficult but then I wasn’t really focused on my body, I mean I had symptoms but wasn’t scared of them at all.

 

[jula]

I think I am going to use this thread as a little diary once in a while.

So now I feel like a total loser. Some of my anxiety/TMS symptoms have subsided, for example burning and tingling for the most part. But one day I again started googling elbow pain and talked myself into RSI/tendinitis and stuff, couldn’t use my arm, it felt weak and painful. At first it was tingling but when I started googling it turned into pain which quickly escalated, I couldn’t use my arm, it I was painful. I rushed to an orthopedist again (whom I saw a week earlier and who then checked tendons in my feet and hands), being positive it’s something serious. Again, the ultrasound showed nothing. No inflammation, no wear and tear. What I thought was swelling was just some asymmetry I have. He also checked that the nerve in my elbow was not compressed. I felt relieved but also like a complete idiot. My mind did that again! He said that if a person experiences pain in mutliple places (I do but they are really weird and change a lot), it might be fibromyalgia but even so this seems to be pure TMS so I am not even reading about it and scaring myself. I also saw a neurologist who said I show no symptoms of any neurological illness and that I need to wait out what remains (mild tingling once in a while). No wonder I still have symptoms as my fight or flight is still so easy to trigger, even going to the doctor’s was a stress and left me with all anxiety symptoms like vision problems and headache for the rest of the day.

Regarding the elbow pain - I feel it’s TMS as the tingling is with me almost all day when my arm is bent or straightened but goes away after a hot bath (which we know helps oxygen flow). TMS all the way. I also had a catheter put in my wrist last year in which a nerve was hurt and it never really healed completely but the discomfort was mild only when pressed. I could feel the nerve sending signals to 3 of my fingers but it was tingling rather than thenpain I had for a couple of days after the incident. Now somehow all 5 fingers are a bit sensitive and some pain is present again. Probably TMS piggybacking on that real nerve thing!

What I did for myself this week - knowing what focusing on health too much does to me I decided to leave almost all of the Facebook health-related groups I am a part of. I was a membet of more than 20 groups... and no more stupid googling, I mean it. No self-diagnosing, no reading about illnesses I might or might not get. My brain is excellent at recreating symptoms. I became a bit more active during the last week and in general I am better. I am educating myself on TMS (I am reading the Great Pain Deception which resonates with me better than the books I read before it). I also expanded my diet, not that I feel great stomach-wise but it’s definitely not as bad as I thought it was (I made myself eat 15 products only, had bad GERD and LPR and had frequent stomach pain mimicking gastritis) and I can tolerate some normal things.

I feel that what happened to me during the last month was a very bad coincidence. I associated some new TMS symptoms caused by my mind and an emotional moment with possible side effects of a drug, scared myself real bad into it, which caused anxiety with all its symptoms and which keeps the vicious cycle going. It’s not like I am a total emotional mess but I made a mountain out of a molehill and now I want to reverse it.

 

[Lonewolfbunny]

Stopping the googling of symptoms is a good thing. I am very suggestible and even need to be careful reading posts on this site. It is a kind of health OCD to keep our minds busy. And your mind will say...just one last search...just to reasure us everything is fine and BAM an imagenof some cancerous sinus cavity will pop up and then...well...thats never a great thing to worry about am I right? Its a rabbit hole. Resist resist resist.

 

[jula]

Stopping the googling of symptoms is a good thing. I am very suggestible and even need to be careful reading posts on this site. It is a kind of health OCD to keep our minds busy. And your mind will say...just one last search...just to reasure us everything is fine and BAM an imagenof some cancerous sinus cavity will pop up and then...well...thats never a great thing to worry about am I right? Its a rabbit hole. Resist resist resist.

I noticed that too, for example the idea of RSI or carpal tunel etc. came from here Googling is so bad, I spent many hours during the weekend looking for what could be happening to my elbow. No more of that!

So I will stick with my thread and some other ones that resonate with me. My TMS has just given me a new symptom, it’s so stupid that I can’t even understand why such a place would hurt ‍

 

[jula]

So I went to a neurologist once again. She said that it’s not possible to damage a nerve by stabbing it with a needle. So this nerve thing may have been TMS all the way, especially as it happened when I was in hospital with my stomach again diagnosed with nothing while I was in exceuxiating pain. She told me everything seemed fine but advised to have an ENG and neck MRI. I won’t go for the MRI, I do have scoliosis and something will definitely show and I don’t want to know it, but I know this part will be TMS anyway. I was lucky and have already had ENG today and it showed everything is fine, no neuropathy. So it’s definitely not the drug toxicity thing. However, the neurologist conducting the study said that yes, what I am experiencing might be anxiety and stuff but she suggested running another test to check if it’s not tetany, because the symptoms coincide with generalised anxiety disorder symptoms. She had it and said everyone put it down to anxiety when it turned out it was tetany and after treatment the symptoms went away. I will have the test in July. If it’s positive, I will need to treat it, if not - clearly TMS. My hand today is like an electric eel, I feel the electric current in it. Maybe my symptoms will improve by July, who knows.​

So it’s really a matter of whether all or most of my symptoms are TMS related. I am at more peace now. I hope it will all be good

 

[Lonewolfbunny]

I will never get an MRI again although the one I had a long time ago was clear. Same with the nerve conduction test (torture experiment). A wise decision in my opinion.
I have been journaling and have discovered a pattern...I think I find the outside world scary because people and performance equal judgement, a need to keep up appearances, be at ease even when I am not, work when I want to rest etc. In other words...world equals dangerous on some deep level. Also success seems to trigger an imposter response...and more acutely "ok...I did good, can we be done now?"
Pain can equal retreat...rest...hide, no pretence.

 

[Lonewolfbunny]

I might have anger also...for sure...but I think anxiety and this general feeling of being out in an open field with hawks casting their shadows upon me all day long plays a huge role. So I mostly focus on soothing and somatic tracking

 

[jula]

I might have anger also...for sure...but I think anxiety and this general feeling of being out in an open field with hawks casting their shadows upon me all day long plays a huge role. So I mostly focus on soothing and somatic tracking

Mine probably wouldn’t be clear because I have some back pain (not every day an not all the time but quite often) and visible scoliosis but I just don’t want to experience the nocebo effect - the doctors will tell me what I cannot do, etc.
I haven’t started the SEP yet, but definitely will. I know I am similar to you, being judged is horrible and confrontation gives me so much anxiety. Fight or flight hits me and I cannot think rationally. I am a mess for days. When I had my previous job in an office I hated it so much, it was just a stupid job which made me feel worthless, because I knew I could achieve more. When I finally had the guts to quit it and open my business, new stressors came to my life, one of which was of course working directly with clients. And I had some bad luck and had a couple of not very fun situations which stressed me a lot. So my mind will always find new stressors to impact my body.