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Help Me Create Family and Friends Guide

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by Andy Bayliss, May 7, 2019.

  1. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi All,

    I am starting another thread to ask for input for creating a guide for family and friends. Howard Schubiner let me know he sees a need for this and will help me.

    I am looking for short, direct content-oriented suggestions. The following questions might help us. And if you think of other questions please post this too.

    In what ways have you felt supported by family and friends in your recovery?

    In what ways have you not felt supported --or even interfered with by family and friends in your recovery from family and friends?

    What kind of ideas within TMS seem baffling to family and friends? What techniques or ideas create doubt in them? Alternatively, what was easy for them to understand?

    What kind of support, if your world was perfect, would you like, or would you have liked for your TMS recovery?

    Added: Issues and guidance related to how we have felt engaging TMS work in relationship to family and friends.

    Thank you in advance for your ideas!!!! Within this group is a vast depth of experience, and this is a way we can 'pass it on.'

    Andy B
    Last edited: May 7, 2019
    Pemberley likes this.
  2. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Here is a summary of what member Pemberley contributed (feel free to clarify P)

    Perhaps helpful:
    --I like focus on neural pathways and the brain since family would be more willing to accept the idea of me seeing a therapist who helps with "the brain" rather than "the mind."
    --talk about phantom limb pain – mostly everyone already knows about that.

    Fears, blocks:
    – family is unfamiliar, perhaps fearful of or judgemental, self-judgemental about psychotherapy help: "we don’t really have a history of “mental issues” in our family, etc."
    --my parents would feel accused and blamed if I mention childhood issues.

    Issues related to how we have felt engaging this, in relationship to family and friends (guidance for self-support in relationship.)

    "Most likely though, they’ll kind of nod along and tell me how great it was that time they saw a chiropractor…"
    Last edited: May 7, 2019
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  3. Pemberley

    Pemberley Peer Supporter

    Thanks, Andy! I would just add something about expectations about the timing of recovery. I've a read a lot of success stories here where people say that recovery wasn't linear for them (one step forward, then 2 steps back sort of thing). I think there would need to be something about how there isn't a time-frame for recovery since everyone is different.
    JanAtheCPA likes this.
  4. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    Great idea, Andy, and great input, Pemberley - especially emphasizing the non-linear and completely individual nature of this work.

    My path to recovery was pretty much solo, so I didn't have a support system outside of this community, but I also didn't have to deal with resistance, and the few friends who knew what I was going through (I hid it well) were at least supportive, even though at least one was very resistant and didn't want to hear about it (and you can guess why, LOL).

    I do like to talk about TMS whenever the time and place seem appropriate. I have two takeaways for that:

    1. Like Pemberley, I also use phantom limb pain as the example that everyone is familiar with. I'm able to say that the pain IS real, and that this is true because it is a FACT that all pain originates from the brain, and it is also a FACT that pain pathways become memorized and continue even when the physical location of the injury has disappeared. This can no longer be refuted, which makes it a very compelling statement to start out with. If the person shows at least some interest in this, I give them a link to the TED talk by V.S. Ramachandran about his treatment for phantom limb pain, among other neurological discoveries.

    2. As for addressing the mental health issue, it depends on who I'm talking to. Some people are already very open to the mindbody connection, which makes it easier to talk to them about the universal mechanism of emotional repression. With other people, I say that the term "TMS" is simply a convenient acronym developed by Dr. Sarno, but that what I'm really talking about is "stress symptoms" brought on by anxiety. Anxiety seems to have little if any stigma attached to it these days, it's a condition which can usually be self-treated with awareness and mindfulness, and discussing it causes less discomfort in others. Of course, "I don't have anxiety" is a typical reaction. I have one friend who seems very open to learning more and in fact read The Divided Mind, but she insists that she doesn't have anxiety or repressed emotions. She has just had a very negative relationship since childhood with her now elderly mother, and gets frequent crippling migraines. With her, I just give her frequent examples of how I've been able to completely deflect an impending symptom by using self-talk and breathing. Unfortunately, that isn't going to work for someone who doesn't have a clue about how to do the emotional work first.

    Great project, Andy!
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  5. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Jan, Thanks for your input. The "stress related" really seems to be non-triggering, agreed.

    Do you mean that this person probably had TMS? Curious.
    JanAtheCPA likes this.
  6. Time2be

    Time2be Well known member

    Great idea, however, in my experience not all family members or friends want to know really what is going on. I learned that it is best to keep it short and not complicated. Something like: my body reacts in a certain way to stress and I learning how to cope better with stress.
    The problem is, when you tell them it is stress related, they all come up with ideas how to minimize stress, mostly things like: go out and socialize more (a friend who wants me to go with her to bars), or: have free days where you can relax, preferable at our place (my parents). It’s amazing how many people have ideas to cope with stress that involves something good for them!

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