This is my first post. Unlike many people I have been reading about, I don't have chronic pain that has lasted years. I keep getting episodes of acute back pain / migraines / diverticulosis / histemine reactions / palpitations. And I have know for years that they are all linked to stress. I used to joke to people about how my body simply acts out when my subconscious is pissed off. It's a standing joke with people who know me well. If I read that list of symptoms about someone else, I would assume that person is a nervous wreck. (I know. It says a lot about my own prejudices). I don't think I'm a nervous wreck. I'm an extrovert, I run my own successful business which involves much travel and regularly delivering training days to rooms full of people I've never met before. I have raised a beautiful 16 year old boy. I live in a beautiful city. I have a beautiful girlfriend. I had some hypnosis to deal with the migraines. During a difficult week of therapy, I let go of a large monkey that had clung to my back for too long. I went from 3 migraines a month to none. For 3 years. About 3 years ago, in an attempt to manage stress better, I started working out with a personal trainer. I never felt better. I lost weight, felt strong - heck, I was strong! For the first time, physically, I felt fit and healthy and strong. I thought my back problems would be a thing of the past. I chose a personal trainer who would take great care of me and ensure that my work outs concentrated on building core strength and protecting my back. I have now had the same trainer for 3 years. I see him each week. 3 years ago, my mum got diagnosed with terminal cancer. 2 years ago she died. 4 days after the 2nd anniversary of her death, I "slipped a disc" - or whatever we might decide to call it. Week 2 of flat on my back. Watching ££££sss slip away as I have to contact customers and cancel sessions. It had been threatening to happen since January. I took up yoga, did extensive core conditioning, took supplements... everything I could do to stop it happening. Looks like my subconcious had other ideas. I'm aware this was meant to be a short post. Sorry! I am already finding it useful to put stuff out here. Don't worry too much about replying. In summary: I have watched the day1 video. I am relieved to see people on it that I can identify with. It's hard not to feel like a pathetic failure in accepting the control my sub conscious has over my body. Seeing strong and confident people go through this programme has helped. The grief I feel about losing mum isn't going to go away. There are other stresses too that I can't just eliminate in my life. I need a new way of responding to them. I have no idea how to do that. I am going to start journalling about some of my deeper feelings. Bye for now.