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Hello, I'd like to introduce myself.

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Tim Hutton, Jul 31, 2014.

  1. Tim Hutton

    Tim Hutton New Member

    Hello, my name is Tim Hutton and I look forward to participating in this forum.

    Though I experienced significant and bewildering TMS pain (though I knew nothing of TMS) since my early 30’s, the major turning point which out of desperation led me to digging deeply into other possibilities and learning about TMS, came when I was 42. After being married for about 6 months my wife had to leave and go to a large corporate business meeting in Hawaii, where she was asked to participate in some sort of stupid cocktail party where she and a few other selected women were expected to serve the CEO’s and higher-ups drinks. I thought (and still think) that was absolutely ludicrous and demeaning! This really pissed me off, because it was like there was nothing I could do about it. I felt like complaining to her about it would be a big turn off, and be seen as a revelation of my huge insecurity (which it was) and also show that I didn’t completely trust her, which I didn’t.

    Rather quickly to my rescue came a very painful feeling in my right foot and left knee! My knee swelled-up, yes, swelled and radiated heat. The effect was very visible. (Again I hadn’t heard of TMS yet). So now I was obsessed with my knee and foot which aided me in repressing my insecurities and rage regarding the meeting and activities my wife was involved with. The doctor gave me prednisone, and for a few months, because the pain didn’t completely go away, my life seemed like it might be going to hell. Whereas I had been easily and routinely running many miles each week, now couldn’t run at all and even had pain while walking. My mind knew precisely where to make the pain occur in order to create its most compelling case. 17 years earlier I had experienced trauma to my left knee, but only when I was 42 did it seem to become a problem again. I suffered from that pain much worse than when I had actually broke my back in the car accident. A several months, I’d say about seven, after learning about TMS the knee pain went away entirely and I haven’t experienced any knee pain at all since.

    The same thing with my back and neck. The pain comes on right where is should according to the x-rays, but from first hand experience I recognized what was happening. Of course it doesn’t help that every time a doctor sees an x-ray of my back they have a genuinely concerned look on their face and say something like, “Has anyone ever shown you an x-ray of your back and neck.”

    Having suffered very much myself and still do (from the residue of memories and false beliefs that still obtain in my system) I want to participate in this forum to add what little I can and receive support from the gifted work that goes into this effort and from the generosity of its members.

    My mother’s life was very heavily burdened with pain and she exercised what she saw as the best option possible, which at the time seemed to be take medications and then when that doesn’t supply enough relief, increase the medication. My mom was an angel and prior to her passing we often speak about the mercurial and puzzling characteristics of this roaming sharp pain, which I only later after her death learned was the symptom imperative.

    I am now 55 and though I still deal with varying degrees of TMS symptoms, if I had not come into contact with the knowledge TMS and Dr Sarno, I am clear that my life would include dealing with a great deal more pain and limitation than I do today. There were days of being bed-ridden over a decade ago, but no one would know that today. I have a lot more to learn, a lot deprogramming to go through, feelings to recognize and discoveries to make, but I think life and clarity is going in the right direction.

    Steve Ozanich has been an indescribably gifted and passionate source of help; truly one person reaching out to another in an unconditional way that has made a big difference for me.

    Thank you for reading this,

    Tim
     
  2. mike2014

    mike2014 Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Tim,

    Thank you so much for the post, it's comforting to see someone who has similar symptoms to me, my left knee has swelled up and I am not able to straighten it out and the upper part of my right foor has swollen up and I too am confined to my room. I have had various other symptoms and understand my mind is tying to play a trick ny giving me doubts of whether this is TMS..

    Would you be so kind as explain what you did to heal yourself? I can imagine having the wonderful SteveO providing you with support and help has given you an untold amount of confidence and help in reaching your pathway to recovery.

    Once again, thanks for reaching out to the forum and posting your story, I certainly feel as though I can relate to your symptoms.
     
  3. Tim Hutton

    Tim Hutton New Member

    Thank you for your reply Mike.

    When I was 42 and had the swelling and horrible knee pain (left knee) I also had this completely unaccountable pain in the upper part of my right foot. I didn’t know anything about TMS and only after about six weeks came across the John Stossel 20/20 interview. Watching that, seeing that honesty, was like watching the earth crack open right in front of me in the most auspicious way possible. It didn’t resolve my pain, but it did lesson my fear and lead to my reading of Dr. Sarnos books as well as DVD.

    It was inspiring to me to see one person after another talk about their various manifestations of pain; some less severe, some more than my own.

    But as I mentioned in the post that initial pain went away little by little over the course of about seven months. I want to make it clear that I am no success story by any means, except that since my mother was unknowingly severely plagued by this same thing, my mother’s brother (my uncle) was in a wheel-chair since his early forties and my sisters have all taken conventional means (medication +) to deal with their pain and I have for the vast majority of time I have been free of pain over the last 13 years.

    But, now, at a very stressful time in my life, I certainly am experiencing TMS symptoms and have yet far to go, but I think I’m going to make it. They are not the same as the initial months that I wrote about that occurred about 12 years ago. What I mean by ‘I think I’m going to make it,’ for me is like what Dr. Sarno stated at the last of his lecture (DVD) “We aren’t going to change…our personalities are going to stay the same and that means that there will always be a tendency to have perhaps a little bit of pain here and there, but your measure of success should be ‘Am I limited in any way in my life? Does this stop me from doing anything? Does it interfere with my life in any way?’ As long as you can say ‘No. it’s not,’ a little bit of TMS pain is ok.” The reason I wrote that down the instant I heard it 12 years ago and am repeating it here is because that single statement helped me tremendously! I’m a perfectionist that unless I face up to that fact on a daily basis, I create all kinds of trouble in my life.

    The knee and foot pain went away little by little, as I made a steady effort to let the new information and education I was exposing myself to about TMS sink in. For me, counter to what a lot of people say, it had nothing to do with positive thinking or negative, it had to do with clear thinking. I love the quote from Antisthenes who said "The most useful piece of learning for the uses of life is to unlearn what is untrue." Antisthenes was a student of Socrates.

    Though we can receive great support from others, and I personally need that, I think when it comes to overcoming false knowledge, we have to participate as our own physicians and be our own laboratories and reexamine our previous conclusions. Be detectives with as much innocent and unconditioned awareness as we can come up with.

    I know this isn’t the way most people look at it, but to me it is vitally important to recognize that resolving TMS issues requires knowledge not belief, not super sureness so to say. And I am utterly and painfully aware of how overwhelmingly convincing the symptoms can be. They are convincing because that’s exactly what they have to be in order to work, to give you the compelling misdirection. So, for me, you can call that misdirection belief, because it’s false belief, but knowledge can break through the clouds – I’ve seen it. And frankly, I have to go over it again and again when symptoms show –up, but it is so much better than going in the wrong direction, which is the conventional way of medication, surgeries etc.

    Beliefs are so fragile and subject to change. Imagine you’re on the beach with a friend who through his binoculars sees a ship far away, which is coming to shore. You can’t see it at first, though you give your friend enough benefit of doubt to take a serious look. But then he gives you his binoculars and you search again and after some looking around you see the ship too. At that point there is no belief, it is recognition, a particular texture of knowing, born of your own inquiry and personal discovery, which in the case of TMS is very powerful and outshines contrary and the false notions we’ve picked up.

    Personally, I look at my mind as having sort of two different types of awareness; one is that which is the result of my own independent inquiry and the other that just sort of picks up the pull of the conversation around me, like listening to elevator music that I personally have no loyalty toward but just goes on because of being connected to humanity.

    Mom used to say “The one good thing about having arthritis is you get to sleep with two men every night, Ben Gay and Arthur Itis.” She was the most wonderful, gentle person I have ever known and carried a humble presence with a fabulous sense of humor. If she had known about TMS she would have suffered much, much less pain. I hope we both heal completely and help others avoid the potentially torturous pain that false beliefs culture and fertilize.
     
  4. mike2014

    mike2014 Beloved Grand Eagle

    Thank you Tim, that is a wonderful post and you seem like such a humble and rounded person. Again, I really appreciate you taking your time out for joining the forum.

    The jury seems to be out with regards to arthritic changes - such as welling, but I believe it is TMS. One of my fingers saw some swelling and changing during the night, I could see it happening. I slept on my finger, regardless of the pain and it did not swell or change shape. I guess I was sending a signal which was so strong to the mind that the symptom become null and void. Nicole Sachs who is a wonderful therapist and an author mentioned that the severity of the pain depends on how close the emotion is to the surface of our unconscious, so I guess with anything which doesn't allow you to walk, that emotion is very close to being felt, but one just needs to tap in , access and feel that emotion to recover.
     
    Tim Hutton likes this.
  5. Tim Hutton

    Tim Hutton New Member

     
  6. Tim Hutton

    Tim Hutton New Member

    Hi Mike, thanks for the response, I appreciate it.

    I appreciate you stating that the jury is still out regarding swelling etc. I have just seen it so many times with myself, swelling in the knee, swelling in the hands and currently swelling in the ankle. I can only take the stand that I know, which is to rely on my own experience and observations, and take into account whatever brave support is offered by others. I know that Steve O had swelling.

    But for me the main thing is that I’ve had it, watched it, been debilitated and frightened by it, but have also watched it go away. I think that the mind is more powerful than we can really even begin to imagine.
     
  7. mike2014

    mike2014 Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Tim,

    Thanks for the response and I am VERY glad you are here posting, you confirming swelling is TMS gives me a lot of strength and hope.

    I think I am going to print out your post and keep reading it, you are wise in what you say. I had swelling of my foot in 2010 and you are right it did disappear, but for some reason, not being able to straighten out my leg seems to make me more fearful. Looking at it now, I guess tennis elbow, trigger finger etc., may all be traits of TMS.

    Regards

    Mike
     
    Tim Hutton likes this.
  8. Tim Hutton

    Tim Hutton New Member

    Mike,

    I understand the hesitancy of some to include swelling in the mix with TMS but for me personally I had another experience about 18 years ago that helped me see through the charade. I was an avid runner and would experience routine and nagging injuries. It seemed like each month would bring on something else. Then I was asked to join a running group. These guys were serious, much more serious and athletic than I am. I remember having serious doubts like ‘well, now the shit is really going to hit the fan, because if I try to keep up with these guys I’ll be pushing myself even harder which will naturally exacerbate my pampered injuries (which often swelled to an extent) and things will go to hell.’

    But to my astonishment, just the opposite happened!!! I was enjoying myself like I hadn’t in years, pushing myself harder than ever and almost never experienced injuries. But one particular event really helped me to see the true colors of what I was experiencing, and this was prior to coming into contact with any knowledge of TMS.

    I was to participate in a particular triathlon. It seemed like a big deal and many athletes were going to be there and among them was a woman who I really wanted to impress. (this is before I met my wife Karen) Well, load n behold, my right wrist swelled up very much and for no apparent reason whatsoever, other than the fact that I desperately wanted to this lady and so to the race itself there was this new and unique pressure. There was simply no reason, justification whatsoever that my wrist should be swelling. I didn’t have any incident. The pain was very sharp, killer sharp and I had to wrap my wrist in a splint two days prior to the race. I participated with my wrist wrapped (because it included rough mountain bike terrain it was very painful) In addition to wrapping my wrist I took a lot of Advil just to get through the race, yet a day and half after the race my wrist was fine. There has not been a single incident of swelling or pain in my right wrist since that time.

    Again, this was all before I had encountered any knowledge of TMS but even then, to me on a personal level, these things just really didn’t add up to a structural cause.

    Thanks for the reply Mike.

    Tim
     
    mike2014 likes this.
  9. Cap'n Spanky

    Cap'n Spanky Well known member

    Tim - just wanted to welcome you to the forums! It sounds like you are well on your way and it will get even better in time. And I WOULD consider you a success story.

    It took me about 4 - 6 months to get over my back pain. I've also had great luck using Dr. Sarno's techniques to get over other problems like tennis elbow and chronic fatigue. But it's a process and for some of us (like me) it just takes some time. But the good news is it continues to get better and better.
     
    mike2014 likes this.
  10. Tim Hutton

    Tim Hutton New Member

    Thank you for your kind response Cap'n Spanky!
     
  11. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Tim and Mike and Cap'n Spanky.
    Welcome to the forums, Tim. You and Mike are doing great sharing your TMS symptoms and healing techniques,
    and Spanky gives great encouragement.

    Tim, researchers say that about 50 percent of our personalities are inherited genetically and 50 percent from our
    environment and our lives, early and up to the present. Your mother sounds like she was a wonderful person
    but had TMS symptoms she may have inherited from her parents or even her grandparents. Whatever, she
    must have had TMS but back then didn't know that it was probably from repressed emotions or her personality.

    The thing is, your symptoms, and Mike's (Hi, Mike!) are from TMS and as you work on the healing techniques.
    you will heal. I just wrote a forum thread on our inner bully that you might all want to read. Mine bugs me, too.
    I tell it to go xxxx itself and even laugh at it. When it tells me I'm not good enough for any reason, I take that
    negative bully and stand up to it with positive thoughts, reminding it and myself of the good I've done for others
    and how loved I am. Your inner bully may not be down-grading you, but if it is, these thoughts might help.

    We don't have to change our perfectionist or "goodist" personality, just modify it a little so we are in control of it
    and it is not in control of us.

    And Tim, trust your wife. She deserves your total love and trust.
     
    mike2014 likes this.
  12. Tim Hutton

    Tim Hutton New Member

    Thanks for your reply Walt, and yes, I'd like to read your thread about the 'inner bully.' I experience a lot of that.

    I have to assume your joking about trusting my wife. At that time we had been married for 6 months, my only marriage. We've been married for over 13 years now and she couldn't be trusted more nor be any more aware of my trust and adoration for her.
     
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