Hello all

Hi, I'm kind of new here. New to posting, but I've been reading and watching the videos and listening to the podcasts for a couple of weeks now. I'm also seven days in to the educational program.

I discovered this site through researching fibromyalgia which is what I believed I had. From a blog I heard about Dr Sarno and TMS and started searching the two online, and so here I am.

My symptoms started about a year ago, but actually I realise I've been having symptoms on and off for years but it wasn't until they got really bad that I paid attention. The pain started in my jaw (I'd just had dental work and so thought it was that, but it kept switching sides and coming and going.) Next I had pain and weakness in my wrists, again this switched sides. This is when I first went to the doctors. I had blood tests, xrays, more blood tests, physical examinations and more blood tests! I've now seen four different doctors and two consultants who can't figure out what is wrong. Post viral fatigue is the closest I've had to an explanation.

At times my pain has gotten really bad to the point that I can't walk - I have pain that moves around (hands, fingers wrists, arms, shoulders, neck, back, legs, feet, bottom, hips), and I also have muscle weakness in my arms and legs. So I'll walk up the stairs and it will feel like I've climbed a mountain, or holding my phone feels like I'm holding a brick. I was writing today and ended up feeling like I’d been writing for two hours and not five minutes. I’ve also suffered with IBS, and few years ago was diagnosed with something called pelvic congestion disorder (which I now believe to be tms.)

I have had two pain free days since starting the program ...although today I haven’t felt so great again. I find that talking to myself really helps, although I might look a bit strange when doing it!

Through journaling a phrase that keeps cropping up is ‘not good enough’. I read back over my entries and was amazed at how many times I’d written it. I came from a family with an alcoholic father and a mother who wasn’t in a great place. As a child I received no praise or encouragement for anything. It didn’t matter whether I failed an exam or passed with flying colours. In fact who knew I was taking one. Neither parent was interested in what myself or my siblings were doing. I knew I had been affected by this, but not how deeply until now.

Anyway, sorry if this is a bit long or disjointed. I’m really glad to be here and to be on the path to getting better. Thanks for reading.

 

Nightingale,
Congratulations on the two pain free days. Celebrate those days. Maybe do something extra, special for yourself. I think sometimes we overlook our successes.
Sometimes, I like to remember these successes on a daily basis to encourage me. In Nov., I was so challenged with sciatica pain, I could not even stand in the
shower. I am so grateful today I can stand in the shower with no pain. I believe that success was because I used visualiztion. I would imagine myself taking
a shower without pain over and over again. And to my surprise I got in the shower one day and I had no pain. I always try to remember that as I work on
other symptoms. Please, be encouraged!!!!

I find when something comes up about my parents that brings hurt to my heart about something they did; I try to journal about it. I even wrote
a letter to my mother expressing how I wanted her to be more loving. I never gave it to her. Then, I usually say out loud I forgive you, Mom and I release
all unforgiveness, bitterness, and resentment towards my Mom and I release these from my heart and my body. I take a few deep breathes as I breathe
all unforgiveness, bitterness and resentment out and breathe love, forgiveness and compassion toward my Mom in. This has had a very profound
effect on my well being and my body. This week when I woke up I was having such pain which has not really been the norm the past few months.
I thought of situations from the present and past that I was disappointed with, or people who hurt me... and I forgave each person and let go
of any resentment and bitterness and to my surprise all the pain left ( I did it for about twenty minutes). I was not even expecting the pain to leave.
Perhaps, this can help with your parents.

Maybe, you can start using positive affirmations to praise and love yourself throughout the day. This has a very positive effect on our physical bodies
and our brain. When I talk and encourage myself throughout the day, I am usually very energetic and love life. Louise Hayes has many positive
affirmations.

Hope this helps. Sounds like you are doing better than you think.
G.R.

 

Happy to hear you are already being helped!
Regarding the harsh inner voice of "not good enough". How did the child FEEL about not getting attention or praise? I would also keep trying to counter the statement with I AM WORTHY!!
I found journaling to be key in my healing so I encourage it! I also found "feelings letters" to be helpful--write to a person and tell them what you really want to say! i usualy shredded or burned it afterward but it felt good to get out what I wanted to say.

-Lori

 

Thank you for your replies.

G.R. - Congratulations on your progress, and thanks for your encouraging post. You've given me lots of ideas. I'm not sure I'm at the point of forgiveness yet, with my parents anyway. It's hard. There is still a lot of ongoing stress in my life involving my parents (my dad's behaviour is out of control and he is very aggressive). How do you let go or continue to heal when something like that is ongoing in your life? Just when I think I'm ok more stuff happens which brings up negative emotions. I find these overwhelming to deal with at times. I will look up Loiuse Hay. I've heard of her from so many people. Thanks.

Lori - Thank you. I think I really need to write out a long letter to my dad! I have got one going round in my head, but have yet to put it on paper. I will keep on journaling ...I'm also getting used to using positive statements. It feels very odd at the moment, probably because it's so unusual for me to think/feel anything good about myself. I will keep on going however.

Forest - Thanks for your message. I'm working on not having to be perfect/good/right all the time. The only thing I'm finding is that I'm not feeling very angry about it. I just feel overwhelming sadness. I cry lots. Will the anger follow?

Thanks again for your replies. You've all helped/encouraged me. I'm very grateful that I discovered this place.