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Alan has completed the new Pain Recovery Program. To read or share it, use this updated link: https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/painrecovery/
Audio Heidi Sawyer on Highly Sensitive people and disease
- Thread starter Fernando
- Start date
Homestead Hermit
Peer Supporter
Thanks so much for posting this 
This is actually a question I had as I was listing to some podcasts about TMS today...it's always talked about in regards to stress in your life, that's the first consideration you should ask yourself if you are experiencing TMS, what stressful thing is going on in your life.
But I live a pretty plain, simple, un-exciting life and I've had TMS for almost all of it! My pain actually went away during the most stressful times in my life when I was on deployment in the Navy. Now it has gotten worse after settling into a housewife who homesteads, doesn't have a stressful job, who creates her own schedule each day, and is able to set time aside for exercise, cooking homemade meals, being healthy, meditation, journaling, etc.
I've come to the conclusion I am a highly-sensitive INTJ and that personality type is simply prone to TMS due to goodism, perfectionism, low self-esteem, social situation sensitivity, etc.
This is the first post I've come across on the subject, so if anyone else has information to share, I'm all ears
I play tug-o-war inwardly: I've been on a self-inquiry, spiritual journey for a couple years which will also be helpful for TMS recovery. My whole life I've wanted to be different, to change the entire person I am. But after self-inquiry, I'm happy and accepting of who I am even if it poses challenges, highly-sensitivity being one of those challenges. The big question is, especially when it comes to healing from TMS: If your personality type poses so many emotional and physical issues, SHOULD you work to change it?
This is actually a question I had as I was listing to some podcasts about TMS today...it's always talked about in regards to stress in your life, that's the first consideration you should ask yourself if you are experiencing TMS, what stressful thing is going on in your life.But I live a pretty plain, simple, un-exciting life and I've had TMS for almost all of it! My pain actually went away during the most stressful times in my life when I was on deployment in the Navy. Now it has gotten worse after settling into a housewife who homesteads, doesn't have a stressful job, who creates her own schedule each day, and is able to set time aside for exercise, cooking homemade meals, being healthy, meditation, journaling, etc.
I've come to the conclusion I am a highly-sensitive INTJ and that personality type is simply prone to TMS due to goodism, perfectionism, low self-esteem, social situation sensitivity, etc.
This is the first post I've come across on the subject, so if anyone else has information to share, I'm all ears
I play tug-o-war inwardly: I've been on a self-inquiry, spiritual journey for a couple years which will also be helpful for TMS recovery. My whole life I've wanted to be different, to change the entire person I am. But after self-inquiry, I'm happy and accepting of who I am even if it poses challenges, highly-sensitivity being one of those challenges. The big question is, especially when it comes to healing from TMS: If your personality type poses so many emotional and physical issues, SHOULD you work to change it?
Fernando
Peer Supporter
Thanks for the feedback. I'm a highly sensitive person too and now I realize I've been so since I was a child. I started having TMS almost all my life but real exacerbation didn´t come until my late twenties.
I don't think we can change such a trait too much however I guess we can be more aware of it so we are able to acknowledge the thinking and stop it or soften it ontime.
You may want to search more of Heidi Sawyer in Youtube. I particularly enjoyed this one:
I don't think we can change such a trait too much however I guess we can be more aware of it so we are able to acknowledge the thinking and stop it or soften it ontime.
You may want to search more of Heidi Sawyer in Youtube. I particularly enjoyed this one:
plum
Beloved Grand Eagle
Hey, welcome to the madhouse. :nurse:
You should find a few posts scattered around on this. Despite this being a TMS forum most peeps like to post reams about their pain and little about their personality. It's a learning curve.
Have a look at this site:
http://hsperson.com/ (The Highly Sensitive Person –)
I'm an HSP, INFJ and a full-time kin-carer so I'm pretty much a hermit too. Don't mind it much since I've always been an outsider. My freak flag has been flying so long the elements have destroyed it and only an empty pole remains.
Here's the thing, how can you heal yourself by becoming less of yourself?
Hasn't society, civilisation and culture done enough to completely alienate us from our true selves?
You heal from TMS when you pack all those self-imposed culturally play-nice bullshits into a package and return-it-to-sender.
If you keep pretending to be someone that you aren't TMS has no reason to leave. It is purely a distraction from the discomfort of being free and natural vs being a good-player-of-the-game-of-life. At some point you realise this is self-generated conflict because there is no either/or. The gig is to nurture the courage, love and vulnerability to be yourself with grace, ease and joy and play the goddam game by your own rules.
Not perfect. Just you. It is enough.
Peace.
Plum x
(who is quite possibly emerging from a mini-hiatus).
Thanks so much for posting this
I've come to the conclusion I am a highly-sensitive INTJ and that personality type is simply prone to TMS due to goodism, perfectionism, low self-esteem, social situation sensitivity, etc.
This is the first post I've come across on the subject, so if anyone else has information to share, I'm all ears
You should find a few posts scattered around on this. Despite this being a TMS forum most peeps like to post reams about their pain and little about their personality. It's a learning curve.
Have a look at this site:
http://hsperson.com/ (The Highly Sensitive Person –)
I'm an HSP, INFJ and a full-time kin-carer so I'm pretty much a hermit too. Don't mind it much since I've always been an outsider. My freak flag has been flying so long the elements have destroyed it and only an empty pole remains.
Here's the thing, how can you heal yourself by becoming less of yourself?
Hasn't society, civilisation and culture done enough to completely alienate us from our true selves?
You heal from TMS when you pack all those self-imposed culturally play-nice bullshits into a package and return-it-to-sender.
If you keep pretending to be someone that you aren't TMS has no reason to leave. It is purely a distraction from the discomfort of being free and natural vs being a good-player-of-the-game-of-life. At some point you realise this is self-generated conflict because there is no either/or. The gig is to nurture the courage, love and vulnerability to be yourself with grace, ease and joy and play the goddam game by your own rules.
Not perfect. Just you. It is enough.
Peace.
Plum x
(who is quite possibly emerging from a mini-hiatus).
Welcome back, Plum. I'm glad you are in a better space.
Your words are as beautiful and as kind as ever. Now, if only there was a way to package your words and make them available as a pill. They soathe and heal so many.
Thank you for always providing thoughtful and heartwarming post.
I can speak for myself and countless others, we are blessed to know you.
Fernando
Peer Supporter
plum
Beloved Grand Eagle
I'm indebted to you Mike. You have been golden in helping and supporting me of late. I am blessed to count you as a dear friend.
May God Bless this forum and the friendships it births.
Ellen
Beloved Grand Eagle
Amen, Brother Mike! A "Plum Pill"--now that would be a truly, wonderful thing.
Homestead Hermit
Peer Supporter
As everyone else commented, Plum, your words are spot on
Tears sprung to my eyes when I read this because I'm realizing it's SO true...Although I've realized logically how I try to be like others, am working toward simply being myself, it still hasn't sunk into the subconscious even though on the surface I am feeling better about myself. The wonderful thing about these forums is reading things that resonate lets it sink in a little deeper and heal TMS a little more Thanks to everyone and their supportive words and posting helpful links...I will check them all out
P.S. I think I will print out Plum's message and post it on my fridge...so perfect!
Lunarlass66
Well known member
Holy cow Plum, have you been MISSED!! Glad to see you back... Sending you love,
Nancy
Jules
Well known member
The only issue I have with this is that I don't want to be a bitch, and sometimes I feel like when I'm my true self, I don't like what I see. I want to be kind and considerate to others, and not be the goodist, but my brain and my personality has a hard time with that because I have a conscience and I like to be liked by people, and even accepted by them partly because of being bullied as a child. But still, I can get real bitchy and really opinionated, and sometimes that just won't do in society. Its a double-edge sword I think.
MWsunin12
Beloved Grand Eagle
It can be a double-edged sword, as Jules said. I'm becoming more aware of the language we use. I've been sensitive my whole life. If there was a sad face in a happy group of people, I'd be the kid who saw it.
For me, I realized that the language I used was always something I wasn't "Fight" back the tears, "Battle" to be more confident, "double-edged sword," "get a backbone," "fight" your feelings. You get the picture.
These words, alone, are telling yourself: It hurts to stay true to yourself.
The other night, I was trying to sleep, and I was thinking over where I thought I fell short that day, and I had shooting and burning nerve pain.
So, I did something I've never done before. I moved my hands gently around my own body, softly, as if soothing a baby, and repeatedly said, in my head, "I love you." I acted as if I was doing that to myself as a small child who was upset.
Amazingly, most of the pain went away.
Louise Hay, a new age author, has this mirror-work she suggests about looking in the mirror and saying I love you.
I barely look in a mirror….EVER. But, I'm going to implement this.
For me, I realized that the language I used was always something I wasn't "Fight" back the tears, "Battle" to be more confident, "double-edged sword," "get a backbone," "fight" your feelings. You get the picture.
These words, alone, are telling yourself: It hurts to stay true to yourself.
The other night, I was trying to sleep, and I was thinking over where I thought I fell short that day, and I had shooting and burning nerve pain.
So, I did something I've never done before. I moved my hands gently around my own body, softly, as if soothing a baby, and repeatedly said, in my head, "I love you." I acted as if I was doing that to myself as a small child who was upset.
Amazingly, most of the pain went away.
Louise Hay, a new age author, has this mirror-work she suggests about looking in the mirror and saying I love you.
I barely look in a mirror….EVER. But, I'm going to implement this.
plum
Beloved Grand Eagle
Jules,
I have two off-the-cuff thoughts on this: firstly it does well to be mindful of falling foul of any dichotomy. Bitch/Nice Girl, Madonna/Whore are two that come to mind. How tediously we grapple with these archetypes when in truth we may rightly lay claim to each and any of them at different times in our lives. Sometimes it's less about the archetypal force (not stereotype. Huge difference) and more about the quality of authentic energy and emotion that imbues the manifestation.
I spent quite some time transitioning from an epically rageful, angry, bitchy, ranty phase to a place of peaceful acceptance. It was a period where I had to learn to be assertive, to set boundaries, to stop people bossing and bullying me around. I was clumsy, awkward and at odds with much of it. It took me a long time to understand the nuances of assertiveness and how it relates to mutual respect, and to get very clear on saying what needs to be said to the person it needs saying to. Sometimes when we are not open and direct we can get into the mire of arguing with people inside our own heads and this just makes us generally hot-headed.
During this awful phase I was incredibly defensive, and it affected me to the bone; I literally assumed a fighting stance as my emotional mind communicated the tension to my posture. One day I saw a photo of myself from my dancing days. My face was soft, my shoulders relaxed. I had poise and grace. That image haunted me. I wept many times at what I had become but I could not shrug the fight. It was as if in engaging with my inner demons I had kicked something into being over which I had no power. I felt wretched. This is when I began to learn about self-soothing and began to actually practice self-compassion. So much hurt to let go of and more forgiveness than my heart could bear...bit by bit I ventured on. (I still have my fire but I endeavour to use it well and wisely).
Secondly, all this is a natural process and a vital part of re-discovering the full range of emotional expression. As described above we sadly have to pass through a less than lovely period of learning and feeling and dealing with the responses of others.
Over time it gets easier and the more emotional work you do that lends itself to calming (meditation, mindfulness etc), the more balanced and gracious your emotions become. The measure is how much harm is caused to you and the other. We all know whether our words carry barbs and our actions sting. Do you relish or regret it? Are you opinionated or passionate? These are differences to be teased apart.
Your true self is multi-faceted and that is beautiful. Sometimes anger (bitchiness and being opinionated) feels like the ultimate raw truth because we have held so much inside it spews out like lava. As those truths cool they are easier to approach, assimilate, own.
I promise you, time given to cultivating kindness and compassion is never lost. Perhaps you need to devote some time to examining the issues that provoke those unpleasant feelings in you and gently work through them. I have had to do this and I came to see that the venom was simply my hurt speaking. It was the voice of wounded vulnerability and shame, of blame and bitter disappointment, of not being able to say "you hurt me. This thing you did hurt me and so I am going to bitch and snark and pour fuel on the fire until you ****ing well see it and acknowledge it."
But all that does it harm and hurt ourselves and them more.
The healing alchemy is to turn the bitchy base metal into the gold of equanimity and love, and this is the beating heart of TMS healing.
Love to you,
Plum x
I have two off-the-cuff thoughts on this: firstly it does well to be mindful of falling foul of any dichotomy. Bitch/Nice Girl, Madonna/Whore are two that come to mind. How tediously we grapple with these archetypes when in truth we may rightly lay claim to each and any of them at different times in our lives. Sometimes it's less about the archetypal force (not stereotype. Huge difference) and more about the quality of authentic energy and emotion that imbues the manifestation.
I spent quite some time transitioning from an epically rageful, angry, bitchy, ranty phase to a place of peaceful acceptance. It was a period where I had to learn to be assertive, to set boundaries, to stop people bossing and bullying me around. I was clumsy, awkward and at odds with much of it. It took me a long time to understand the nuances of assertiveness and how it relates to mutual respect, and to get very clear on saying what needs to be said to the person it needs saying to. Sometimes when we are not open and direct we can get into the mire of arguing with people inside our own heads and this just makes us generally hot-headed.
During this awful phase I was incredibly defensive, and it affected me to the bone; I literally assumed a fighting stance as my emotional mind communicated the tension to my posture. One day I saw a photo of myself from my dancing days. My face was soft, my shoulders relaxed. I had poise and grace. That image haunted me. I wept many times at what I had become but I could not shrug the fight. It was as if in engaging with my inner demons I had kicked something into being over which I had no power. I felt wretched. This is when I began to learn about self-soothing and began to actually practice self-compassion. So much hurt to let go of and more forgiveness than my heart could bear...bit by bit I ventured on. (I still have my fire but I endeavour to use it well and wisely).
Secondly, all this is a natural process and a vital part of re-discovering the full range of emotional expression. As described above we sadly have to pass through a less than lovely period of learning and feeling and dealing with the responses of others.
Over time it gets easier and the more emotional work you do that lends itself to calming (meditation, mindfulness etc), the more balanced and gracious your emotions become. The measure is how much harm is caused to you and the other. We all know whether our words carry barbs and our actions sting. Do you relish or regret it? Are you opinionated or passionate? These are differences to be teased apart.
Your true self is multi-faceted and that is beautiful. Sometimes anger (bitchiness and being opinionated) feels like the ultimate raw truth because we have held so much inside it spews out like lava. As those truths cool they are easier to approach, assimilate, own.
I promise you, time given to cultivating kindness and compassion is never lost. Perhaps you need to devote some time to examining the issues that provoke those unpleasant feelings in you and gently work through them. I have had to do this and I came to see that the venom was simply my hurt speaking. It was the voice of wounded vulnerability and shame, of blame and bitter disappointment, of not being able to say "you hurt me. This thing you did hurt me and so I am going to bitch and snark and pour fuel on the fire until you ****ing well see it and acknowledge it."
But all that does it harm and hurt ourselves and them more.
The healing alchemy is to turn the bitchy base metal into the gold of equanimity and love, and this is the beating heart of TMS healing.
Love to you,
Plum x
plum
Beloved Grand Eagle
What a gorgeous reply. I totally relate to your experiences and especially the 'fighting talk'. It's exhausting to live like that. How much softer and finer life becomes when we cease all that nonsense and embrace our tender sensitivity.
I love that Louise Hay exercise but have never maintained it. That says something in itself. Perhaps we should implement it my dear. It feels like a wonderful way to celebrate our selves.
Plum x