Lily Rose
Beloved Grand Eagle
Long ago, in a far away land in the rainy regions of the Pacific Northwest, at age 14, a girl endured the sudden change in her body, and felt nothing but illness and shame. To the already existing pain, a new type of pain made an entrance, and it gained momentum, until in her early 20's, the cramping induced near-blackouts. Drugs, both legal and otherwise never dimmed the agony.
I often view the girl as another entity. Me, but not me. I could not survive otherwise.
As an adult .......
The first time I had an over-nighter with my future-husband and my cycle began, he was sick with worry to find me in the bathroom tightly wedged in a corner, breathing in gasps into a towel to muffle my sounds. Not only did this man-who-must-truly-be-a-saint have to spend many years enduring my nightmares, but also seeing me crippled every 3 or 4 weeks by the menses.
The situation worsened. Bleeding would last 5, 6, 7 ... then 10, then two weeks. Doctors just offered the birth control pill, which had other unpleasant effects. And then the bleeding just didn't stop for over a month. My girlfriend exploded and called a new doctor, and used her relentless will to get me in. A different drug was used as they tried to stop my period completely. It worked. For a couple weeks. In spite of 6 months of treatment, it couldn't be stopped. Finally, with great reluctance, the pro-baby doctor accepted that I simply would never have children, and it was time for surgery.
I was 31.
After removing me from recovery, I stopped breathing. I remember hearing them yelling in the distance ... breathe, breathe, you gotta breathe ...
The day after the surgery, when I more fully woke up, the relief was tremendous. Indeed, the surgery pain was high, but completely minor by comparison. Even when they had to move me to another ward, the moving part barely bothered me (it did send my mom into a rage as they wheeled me through maternity to get to our destination ... she snarled at them for their insensitivity).
I left the hospital earlier than most, as my pain level was so much less. Years passed, and in my 39th year, I began to feel the night sweats. That was also when I began Yoga. The various symptoms of peri-menopause came and went in a mild manner. The addition of organic apple cider vinegar and coconut oil on a daily basis kept the growing symptoms from any extreme expression.
Until ... recently.
Since learning of TMS/MBS/PPD ... all of my holistic and systematic approaches have begun to fail me.
I add this: since learning of TMS/MBS/PPD ... my anxiety has diminished.
So I have applied this knowledge to the heat surges, and simply pay attention to them. During the day, I rather like them. Since I always feel cold, the heat allows me to shed the extra clothing. I strongly dislike material of any kind on my arms and shoulders, so I wear almost exclusively tank tops and camis. Then I add the light layers and keep the heat in my environment at a comfortable level (72+).
Heat surges .... feel rather good. And knowing the emotions that trigger it ... this has opened my eyes even wider.
That said, I have also noticed when they might occur: during moments of strong emotion, whether annoyance, frustration ... or pleasure. When that doorway into my true emotions open ... my body responds.
How much more evidence do I need of the sheer power of my emotions?
Awareness .... this is everything.
This body that my soul inhabits .... I love it for boldly and strongly carrying me through this life.
As I love all of you for the foundation you have created in the forum ....
with grace and gratitude,
^_^
I often view the girl as another entity. Me, but not me. I could not survive otherwise.
As an adult .......
The first time I had an over-nighter with my future-husband and my cycle began, he was sick with worry to find me in the bathroom tightly wedged in a corner, breathing in gasps into a towel to muffle my sounds. Not only did this man-who-must-truly-be-a-saint have to spend many years enduring my nightmares, but also seeing me crippled every 3 or 4 weeks by the menses.
The situation worsened. Bleeding would last 5, 6, 7 ... then 10, then two weeks. Doctors just offered the birth control pill, which had other unpleasant effects. And then the bleeding just didn't stop for over a month. My girlfriend exploded and called a new doctor, and used her relentless will to get me in. A different drug was used as they tried to stop my period completely. It worked. For a couple weeks. In spite of 6 months of treatment, it couldn't be stopped. Finally, with great reluctance, the pro-baby doctor accepted that I simply would never have children, and it was time for surgery.
I was 31.
After removing me from recovery, I stopped breathing. I remember hearing them yelling in the distance ... breathe, breathe, you gotta breathe ...
The day after the surgery, when I more fully woke up, the relief was tremendous. Indeed, the surgery pain was high, but completely minor by comparison. Even when they had to move me to another ward, the moving part barely bothered me (it did send my mom into a rage as they wheeled me through maternity to get to our destination ... she snarled at them for their insensitivity).
I left the hospital earlier than most, as my pain level was so much less. Years passed, and in my 39th year, I began to feel the night sweats. That was also when I began Yoga. The various symptoms of peri-menopause came and went in a mild manner. The addition of organic apple cider vinegar and coconut oil on a daily basis kept the growing symptoms from any extreme expression.
Until ... recently.
Since learning of TMS/MBS/PPD ... all of my holistic and systematic approaches have begun to fail me.
I add this: since learning of TMS/MBS/PPD ... my anxiety has diminished.
So I have applied this knowledge to the heat surges, and simply pay attention to them. During the day, I rather like them. Since I always feel cold, the heat allows me to shed the extra clothing. I strongly dislike material of any kind on my arms and shoulders, so I wear almost exclusively tank tops and camis. Then I add the light layers and keep the heat in my environment at a comfortable level (72+).
Heat surges .... feel rather good. And knowing the emotions that trigger it ... this has opened my eyes even wider.
That said, I have also noticed when they might occur: during moments of strong emotion, whether annoyance, frustration ... or pleasure. When that doorway into my true emotions open ... my body responds.
How much more evidence do I need of the sheer power of my emotions?
Awareness .... this is everything.
This body that my soul inhabits .... I love it for boldly and strongly carrying me through this life.
As I love all of you for the foundation you have created in the forum ....
with grace and gratitude,
^_^
