Healing Update + how to safely return to exercise?

[iasmin]

Just wanted to share a little update on my healing journey.

The wrist pain is gone, which is great because it used to limit me a lot during yoga. My lower back pain has improved a lot too and isn’t really bothering me anymore. The thing that’s still hanging around is the pain in my neck and shoulders. It feels like it’s always there to some degree.

Last week I was having a flare-up and decided to go to the gym anyway. I walked on the treadmill for about 30 minutes at an easy pace, and it actually helped reduce the pain. It felt really freeing. That night I took a muscle relaxant, which I’ve been doing occasionally since lowering my clonazepam dose. The next four days felt the closest I’ve been to my old self in a long time. I barely noticed any pain, my body felt lighter and more energetic, and I was honestly so excited.

On Monday I went back to the gym and tried some light strength training. I did 10 minutes on the treadmill and a very easy upper-body workout. I felt completely fine during the workout. What surprised me most was that I didn’t get the nerve pain I used to have after strength training. That feels like a really big win for me.

But later that night I started feeling this burning sensation all over my skin. Right before it started, I got that familiar feeling of something heating up inside, kind of like when you’re really anxious or stressed. It felt like an adrenaline rush. The next day turned into another body pain flare.

I ignored it for most of the day, but it got me wondering: what’s the best way to get back into exercise? Should I keep exercising even when I’m in a flare? I don’t really know how to show my brain that exercise is safe and not something dangerous.

Yesterday I was talking with someone about recovering from fibromyalgia through mind-body work, and they responded pretty aggressively. They basically told me that recovery isn’t possible, that I’ll be in pain every day, and that this is just my life now. It really got to me and left me feeling discouraged.

Sometimes it feels like I take two steps forward and three steps back

 

[Adam Coloretti (coach)]

Huge progress! That's brilliant.

The next four days felt the closest I’ve been to my old self in a long time. I barely noticed any pain, my body felt lighter and more energetic, and I was honestly so excited.

The fact that you got to this level is all that matters and shows you what is possible. You can't really go backwards in this recovery (I don't see it as two steps forward and three steps back at all - even though I empathise with it feeling that way) - and thinking that you do because of symptoms in the short term is really a structural issue way of thinking. If you can have that for four days, you can have it indefinitely. Massive TMS evidence and a huge win as a result - as this is all about belief!

The next four days felt the closest I’ve been to my old self in a long time. I barely noticed any pain, my body felt lighter and more energetic, and I was honestly so excited.

On Monday I went back to the gym and tried some light strength training. I did 10 minutes on the treadmill and a very easy upper-body workout. I felt completely fine during the workout. What surprised me most was that I didn’t get the nerve pain I used to have after strength training. That feels like a really big win for me.

But later that night I started feeling this burning sensation all over my skin. Right before it started, I got that familiar feeling of something heating up inside, kind of like when you’re really anxious or stressed. It felt like an adrenaline rush. The next day turned into another body pain flare.

This happens with pretty much everyone and happened to me too. You got excited (rightly so - I'm not saying you shouldn't) but that kind of leads to unconscious anxiety and anticipation because then you're more alert for the next bout of exercise (and it can even occur afterwards). Simply put, I understand why it happened and it's completely normal - the more confident you get in the TMS diagnosis and the more progress you make, the less this will happen (you'll still be excited - but you'll reach a level of indifference with the symptoms where there's no anxiety around exercise - consciously or unconsciously - that isn't to say that you have to purposely curb your excitement - the TMS healing process will take care of this for you).

I ignored it for most of the day, but it got me wondering: what’s the best way to get back into exercise? Should I keep exercising even when I’m in a flare? I don’t really know how to show my brain that exercise is safe and not something dangerous.

I would say trust your instincts and act out of self-compassion. Try to act as normal as possible (and also exercise for general health and for fun - never to test), but you can take a break out of self-compassion if it gets too much. To me, that's the best of both worlds in terms of sending a message of safety - because on the one hand you're showing your brain it is safe to exercise, but if you push through and try to ignore being in agony, then you're not listening to your body (appreciating that it's TMS) and that's not very safe/self-compassionate. It's a balance in my opinion.

Yesterday I was talking with someone about recovering from fibromyalgia through mind-body work, and they responded pretty aggressively. They basically told me that recovery isn’t possible, that I’ll be in pain every day, and that this is just my life now. It really got to me and left me feeling discouraged.

Well they aren't really healing through mind-body work (or at least they won't) with that completely false and misinformed mindset. That doesn't make any sense and isn't in alignment with TMS theory - so you can safely disregard that as someone who doesn't know what they are talking about

 

[Booble]

But later that night I started feeling this burning sensation all over my skin. Right before it started, I got that familiar feeling of something heating up inside, kind of like when you’re really anxious or stressed. It felt like an adrenaline rush. The next day turned into another body pain flare.

I think this is pretty good evidence that it had nothing to do with the gym. At night we often ruminate whether consciously or subconsciously. You had a good day at the gym and your mind questioned "that can't be possible!" and boom, it took over and made you feel bad.

Sometimes these clues are actually helpful because it points you in the right direction. The gym isn't the problem. It could have been anything.
Right now you have a vision of yourself as someone who can't go to the gym without getting sick. And so your body complies to make that vision a reality.
There's no reason why you can't have a vision of yourself as someone who goes to the gym and has great workouts and feels terrific. Your body will also then comply to make that vision a reality.

 

[Adam Coloretti (coach)]

You had a good day at the gym and your mind questioned "that can't be possible!" and boom, it took over and made you feel bad.

Spot on