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Healing thoughts

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by Mermaid, Mar 2, 2014.

  1. Mermaid

    Mermaid Well known member

    Hi Everyone,

    I'd like to share a couple of things which have helped me greatly on the road to healing.

    Holding on to hope

    When I first learned about TMS I had hit rock bottom, I was in a desperate situation, because I had lost all HOPE. Finding out about TMS gave me renewed my hope that I could get well again. Mine has been a very bumpy road to recovery, but every time I felt hope slipping away I would grab it back by going deeper into one of the many elements of TMS healing. In this way I have held on and learned some invaluable lessons.

    Gaining Greater Self Knowledge

    When I first read "The Mindbody Prescription", the idea that all the agonies I was suffering were rooted in my subconscious scared me very much. I thought "my goodness what on earth is lurking in there to cause all this". I was afraid that by journaling I may be letting the genie out of the bottle and causing more trouble.

    This thought hindered my healing for a while, until I worked out that I had to not only work out HOW I felt, but more importantly WHY I felt that way in order to begin to change my emotional reactions and heal.

    I started by making a list of ALL the past events, daily stressors and personality traits which may have contributed to my developing TMS symptoms, as Dr.Sarno instructs, there were 68 in total. Every morning I would pick an item from my list and free-write about it. In the early evening I would journal about the events of my day.

    I found that contrary to what I thought would happen, opening old wounds and exploring my feelings liberated me from them. I felt relieved of them, for the particularly emotive ones I would practice EFT afterwards too, which also helped.

    After many months I discovered that 8 out of 10 of the situations which provoked the strongest emotional reactions had at their root in my need for approval and fear of rejection, or "the twins" as I now refer to them ! The other 2 are usually situation where I'm called to do something out of duty that I'd really rather not be doing.

    So I went deeper to find out where those feelings could have come from. I have unearthed several events which occurred in my youth which could have contribute to this mind set.

    Changing my mind

    Having worked out what "pushed by buttons" and why, I decided it was time to ring the changes in my subconscious. There can be nothing in there that I or another person or experience had not put there, so I decided to add some more helpful thoughts instead. A bit like upgrading the operating system on my computer, you know Window 7 to Window 8 !

    So I started to use the old obsolete stuff less, negative chatter, fear of pain blah, blah,blah. I "imported" some good stuff, positive self talk and affirmations, visualization, spending time with positive friends, getting out into nature etc.. I started to just be myself, and stopped living up to unrealistic expectations I had built up over the years.

    This is what I've been working on for a while now, when one of my "obsolete" thoughts creep in I just shoo it way and pay no attention.

    I have learned to treat myself with compassion.

    I hope my healing experience may be of help to someone. I have gained a great deal from joining the forum, so I'm trying to give something in return.

    Bless you all
    tigerlilly, G.R., Lavender and 8 others like this.
  2. Lily Rose

    Lily Rose Beloved Grand Eagle

    I have spread my dreams under your feet;
    Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

    W.B. Yeats

    This forum is a place to spread our fears, hopes, dreams ... and everyone here does tread so gently.

    Mermaid - thank you. Your words and your heart are beautiful.

    with grace and gratitude,
    G.R., North Star and Mermaid like this.
  3. Ellen

    Ellen Beloved Grand Eagle

    Beautiful and helpful post, Mermaid. Thanks so much for sharing your wisdom and your generous heart. I'm so glad you are part of the Forum.
    G.R., Msunn, North Star and 1 other person like this.
  4. Mermaid

    Mermaid Well known member

    Thanks Ellen you're very kind. I've just re-read my post and found a lot of typos, I was tired when I wrote it ! Must remember to check stuff over before I post it in future :shame: You know how perfect we TMSers like everything to be ;)
  5. Ellen

    Ellen Beloved Grand Eagle

    I didn't notice one typo when I read it--only wonderful insights and knowledge. It was perfect:)
  6. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    I too think we (and I) push ourselves too hard to be perfect.
    Need for approval and fear of rejection. Two giant monkeys on our backs.

    Nobody I know is perfect. Some I just ignore their imperfections and appreciate their good sides.
    We need to do that for ourselves. I think we find much more to like about ourselves and
    let the rest go.
    Msunn, North Star, balto and 2 others like this.
  7. Mermaid

    Mermaid Well known member

    What does perfect mean anyway? It's a transitory thing, dependent and our differing needs and moods..........one man's meat is another man's poison.
    North Star likes this.
  8. North Star

    North Star Beloved Grand Eagle

    Mermaid, what a wonderful post. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. And like Ellen, I didn't notice any typos…just a beautiful heart sharing words of encouragement.

    Because of what you said, I'm going to start afresh with journalling, using the approach you mentioned.

    Lily Rose, I love that line from Yeats. He is one of my favorite poets.
    Mermaid and Msunn like this.
  9. Lily Rose

    Lily Rose Beloved Grand Eagle

    In an old sci-fi movie we rented from Netflix the other evening, Yeats entered my world. Treasures are found in the most unlikely places *smiles*

    with grace and gratitude,
    North Star likes this.
  10. Msunn

    Msunn Well known member

    Beautiful post Mermaid sharing what works for you. It's inspirational. I especially like your journaling technique.
    G.R. and Mermaid like this.
  11. Mermaid

    Mermaid Well known member

    That's very touching North Star, I'm humbled. I hope your renewed efforts with journaling take you closer to healing.

    Deeper journaling helped me to understand myself so much better, it helped silence my inner critic. It used to kill me to let other people see my vulnerabilities, but I just be myself now. I've found that the opposite of what I expected is true, the people in my life are gentler and more understanding toward me now.

    My mindbody has not totally healed, but my heart has, so the rest must surely follow.

    I'm sending you much love and a big hug, your post brought me joy and such moments are precious :shy:
    G.R., North Star and Ellen like this.
  12. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    One of the best things I got out of journaling, besides discovering some things from my childhood and adult years
    that gave me stress and some guilt for not being able to be the perfect caretaker for my aging mother,
    was to put myself in the other person's shoes. Doing that I came to realize that
    my mother and father had lots of TMS for many reasons and did the best they could do raise us three kids with
    as much love and security as they could, all during the 1930s Great Depression financial hard times.

    I learned compassion and understanding and forgiveness in my adult thoughts about my Inner Child.

    People who give us physical and emotional pain may well be suffering both themselves and don't really mean
    to harm, or hurt us. They're just kicking a can to relieve their anger, and we are handy so we are their can.

    Of course, those who were victims of physical abuse may not be able to forgive being the can that was kicked.
    To me there are few things worse than anyone taking physical advantage of another, no matter their age or sex.
    G.R., Msunn, North Star and 1 other person like this.
  13. North Star

    North Star Beloved Grand Eagle

    Walt, Mercy and forgiveness are so life giving, aren't they? I'll never forget one night when I was still at home, I woke in the middle of the night to a terrible noise. I thought maybe a wounded animal was outside. I stuck my head out my bedroom door and discovered….it was my dad wailing. I'll never forget it.

    Up to that point, I had a lot of anger toward him. His drinking. His absenteeism. My broken family and all the dysfunction.

    Until that night. I saw him as a broken wounded man. And my heart changed.

    I'm so glad it did. He dropped dead not too long after that when I was 19. His drinking and smoking caught up to him and his one and only heart attack was the final event.

    My brother died a few years ago too. He lived on the streets…followed in dad's alcoholic footsteps and dropped dead at 46 of liver failure.

    I can't look at homeless people the same way since his death. I see my brother.

    Mermaid, I send much love and a big hug back to you.
    G.R., Mermaid and Msunn like this.
  14. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    North Star, your losses are very sad. But I think your father and brother would still be with us if
    they had known about TMS. They drank and smoked for reasons, probably from repressed emotions
    going back to their childhood. My father and brother and stepfather also drank and smoked and
    died before they should have.

    I've learned to think about people in my childhood who probably had TMS pain.
    By putting myself in their shoes, I became more understanding about them, and more forgiving.
    They just didn't know. We, thank Heaven, do.
  15. North Star

    North Star Beloved Grand Eagle

    Oh yes, Walt. You are spot on. My mom suffered horribly from health problems for as long as I could remember. My family's history reads like a soap opera…lots of loss and pain. And TMS.

    I am grateful that I have the knowledge to NOT repeat a family legacy of TMS.
    Ellen likes this.
  16. G.R.

    G.R. Well known member

    North Star, My heart goes out to you. You are so brave and courageous to share. Sometimes, we don't realize how these traumas effect
    us till later on. I grew up with an alcoholic father so I can relate to your situation.

    I do think mercy and forgiveness are key healing tools to TMS. I have been expressing a lot of how I feel about my dad to my therapist.
    It is very healing. I realized I had such fear of him; not knowing when he was going to be explosive. As a young woman, that made
    me view the world as unsafe. I am thankfully changing that and breaking agreement that the world is not safe. I am slowly changing
    my mindset. I feel the pain from that time in my life and now let it go with mercy and forgiveness. It was good to feel the sadness,
    anger and disappointment of living with my dad.

    North Star I send you lots of hugs. Now, you are the author of your own family's history and I bet you are writing a wonderful,
    happy family history with your own family.

    Thank you for sharing.
    Jojo61 likes this.
  17. North Star

    North Star Beloved Grand Eagle

    We all have our crosses to bear, G.R. I am grateful that even with all the craziness of my home growing up, I knew I was loved. I think that truly "Covers a multitude of sin". I think mom's religious faith kept our home from completely imploding despite the soap opera fodder we regularly produced. ha.

    My dad was never explosive…he had a gentle nature. But more absent than present. I'm afraid my brothers bore the brunt of the ill effects of his absence.

    A lot of my issues are classic for children of alcoholics. Taking lessons from mom, I learned to "be strong"….hello TMS foundation?

    And yes, hubby and I have worked on changing our family tree. But it's like I was telling a young friend today…you vow to not make the same mistakes your parents make. The thing you don't get is how you're going to make your VERY OWN set of mistakes. hahaha I know you know this too, G.R.. since you've got kids too.
    G.R. likes this.
  18. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    I think our mistakes are like stepping in some doggy-do. We need to clean it off our shoes and maybe spray
    some air freshener on them and go on from there. It happened, it's past, get on with the present moment
    and make that as happy as we can.
    Jojo61 and North Star like this.

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