Having trouble accepting its TMS, but want to and believe it is

[Polydactylkat]

Hi all! I am fairly new to TMS. I’m working my way through the SEP, I’m on day 5. Before that I read MindBody Prescription and am reading The Way Out now, too.

I’m having trouble really accepting that I have TMS, like in my gut. Logically, I know it makes sense. My primary issue is lumbar pain. I’ve had x-rays and an MRI. Some arthritis, disc degeneration, a disc bulge or two, some of the usual culprits. When I discussed my results with a spine specialist, he told me that my spine looked like a typical spine for someone of my age and that nothing on there indicated it would be the cause of my pain. He said it might be, but there really was no definite connection. (In hindsight, I do appreciate that he didn’t just tell me the abnormalities were the cause of my pain as it seems some other doctors do).

The lumbar pain is there everyday. I now have upper back/neck pain, and I have an order for an MRI for that too, but I suspect TMS. It started when I was super stressed about seeing a doc, getting images done and discussing steroid injections for my lower back. That all happened over a few months and the new pain started, and I immediately panicked that there was something else wrong with my spine, that this new pain would be forever, etc. That makes me think it’s stress induced TMS and not likely anything structural.

So while I tell myself and know there are no real structural issues, my back is strong and not fragile, my pain is in my brain and not actually damage to my body or a sign of danger and that it is from TMS, I just can’t quite seem to fully digest that.

About a week ago when I was really getting into my TMS research, I had a few days where I thought I had internalized it, and I had two days where I felt my pain was improving and I felt hopeful, but now I’m back to my regular pain and not quite being able to believe my pain is TMS.

Any recommendations on how to really internalize this? Is it just too early in the process? Can I progress if I believe I have TMS logically but still have some doubts deep inside? I keep connecting my pain with my body, even when I know there’s no structural issue. I think of tight muscles, physical tension, but it could be the TMS causing that tightness and tension, right?

Any guidance, insight, experiences or solidarity welcomed! Thanks!!

 

[Patty Cakes]

I am struggling too, with that same question--is it really TMS. I have TMJ, I've had it for decades. My husband has been in hospitals and rehabs for well over two years. It's been incredibly difficult on me. I have fear of doctors, hospitals, etc. My pain was typically on my TMJ side of my body. Then the last couple of years the pain would move to the other side of my body, then my neck, then back again. it was maddening. So much so that I kept a pain journal for two years, writing down everything I did and linking it to the pain I felt. FInally, with some research, I found this TMS and started reading "The Way Out" and it made so much sense to me. I started working on the Pain Reprocessing Workbook and realized what my core hurt was. The emotional pain was so raw, so traumatic. My pain actually increased. I"ve been crying a lot, really feeling that deep emotional pain. MY body or some part of it, always feels so tight. I did and am doinsomatic tracking but realizing it was my painful emotions (not being heard, dismissed, etc) was more painful than the years of every day pain I felt. I'm still reaching out for help but what I've been told is to look at your emotions. ITs been really hard work but this site has been so helpful. I wish I had more to offer but just wanted to tell you you are not alone in dealing with all of this. I"ve been doing this for about two months and I still have so much to learn.

 

[Polydactylkat]

I am struggling too, with that same question--is it really TMS. I have TMJ, I've had it for decades. My husband has been in hospitals and rehabs for well over two years. It's been incredibly difficult on me. I have fear of doctors, hospitals, etc. My pain was typically on my TMJ side of my body. Then the last couple of years the pain would move to the other side of my body, then my neck, then back again. it was maddening. So much so that I kept a pain journal for two years, writing down everything I did and linking it to the pain I felt. FInally, with some research, I found this TMS and started reading "The Way Out" and it made so much sense to me. I started working on the Pain Reprocessing Workbook and realized what my core hurt was. The emotional pain was so raw, so traumatic. My pain actually increased. I"ve been crying a lot, really feeling that deep emotional pain. MY body or some part of it, always feels so tight. I did and am doinsomatic tracking but realizing it was my painful emotions (not being heard, dismissed, etc) was more painful than the years of every day pain I felt. I'm still reaching out for help but what I've been told is to look at your emotions. ITs been really hard work but this site has been so helpful. I wish I had more to offer but just wanted to tell you you are not alone in dealing with all of this. I"ve been doing this for about two months and I still have so much to learn.

Thanks for the reply. It may be that I need to get deeper into my emotions. I know I hold in sadness, as I will tear up at the smallest or most random thing. These past 2 weeks or so I’ve decided to just let the tears out. Even if they’re not related to what is happening at that time, the sadness is coming from somewhere so I may as well let it out. Tonight’s journaling also resulted in a good crying session. It’s exhausting, but I’m sure it’s good for me. What I haven’t broken into yet is my anger. I have a feeling I’ve got a LOT of repressed anger, from similar emotions to you - feeling dismissed, not being heard, being taken for granted. I’m going to work up to that and hopefully that will help. I’m saving the anger for my therapist though lol because I don’t know what’s going to come out when I start to dig for that!

I hope things work out well for you

 

[Adam Coloretti (coach)]

When I discussed my results with a spine specialist, he told me that my spine looked like a typical spine for someone of my age and that nothing on there indicated it would be the cause of my pain.

That is a huge coup - what a fantastic doctor!

That all happened over a few months and the new pain started, and I immediately panicked that there was something else wrong with my spine, that this new pain would be forever, etc. That makes me think it’s stress induced TMS and not likely anything structural.

That's a very strong sign yes - especially if the panic seems to have led to a new symptom. When/how did the initial pain start? Where there any specific stressors or life events going on at the time? Did it start with an injury?

Any recommendations on how to really internalize this? Is it just too early in the process? Can I progress if I believe I have TMS logically but still have some doubts deep inside?

Doubt is fine but then the progression is challenging the doubt and bringing it into the light. What do you feel is driving your doubt in the main? Then it can be addressed (and a strategy can be made depending on what it is).

As long as the neurological side of things is clear and nothing sinister has been found, I think you're definitely safe to proceed on the basis that it's TMS.

I had a few days where I thought I had internalized it, and I had two days where I felt my pain was improving and I felt hopeful, but now I’m back to my regular pain and not quite being able to believe my pain is TMS.

That's even more great evidence, as why would your belief improve the pain in that instance if it were structural?

I keep connecting my pain with my body, even when I know there’s no structural issue. I think of tight muscles, physical tension, but it could be the TMS causing that tightness and tension, right?

It could be, but it's probably unlikely I would say to be causing the level of pain that you are in to warrant investigating it and trying to heal it. And you're spot on in that TMS can contribute to muscle tension.

What I would do is write an evidence list that lists all of the reasons indicating this is neuroplastic - I would use Dr Schubiner's FIT criteria to make it, and then I would review it constantly (I had mine on my desk for 6 months and read it every day). I think you're in a great position, if it is TMS then the evidence will become clear the more you look at it through a psychological lens (both in the past, but then new evidence is seen going forward once you understand what to look for and spot - you become a detective) - and this evidence will help you to overcome your doubt as part of the process