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Having a hard time

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by inymyfruitcup, Dec 14, 2015.

  1. inymyfruitcup

    inymyfruitcup New Member

    I'm sure I'm not alone in this (I know I'm not haha), but I can be pretty hard on myself. And I mean when it's totally uncalled for.

    This morning I was feeling pretty bad physically when I turned my Attention to my thoughts.

    I realized that all morning - and for the past few days, I have been beating myself up about two things. The mood of my significant other, and a mistake that someone else made that I had involvement in.

    Lately my girl friend has had a bit of a cloud over her head, and even though I know there's nothing I can do about it (I've tried cheering her up), I still feel like I am responsible for it.

    The other thing that's been occupying my mind is a family mix up. I graduate from college tomorrow and my sister thought it was today that I graduated. She is now having to do some juggling of her schedule to make it, and even though I know I said Tuesday, I still am holding myself accountable for this mistake.

    How do you guys take it easier on yourself? It's just so natural to draw these kinds on conclusions for myself.
  2. Tennis Tom

    Tennis Tom Beloved Grand Eagle

    Don't carry the world on your shoulders, that's the Goodist personality trait that contributes to TMS symptoms. Do the best you can, and then get on with it and do stuff for positive distractions to counteract the negative TMS creating distractions.
  3. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi inymyfruitcup,

    I appreciate what you write. You are nailing the common guilt, Inner Critic activity which has no basis in reality. That is, there is no reason to blame ourselves for the "condition of others" in these cases, yet we do. You can see it is a "mindless habit." Painful, mindless habit. Like a machine stuck in certain program. Or repeating an action every few minutes even though there is no purpose.

    The ultimate tool is awareness. You are seeing the silliness of these self-rejecting activities, that they have no basis in fact. One helpful thing is that you might just have a name for this activity, and as Tennis Tom says, "get on with it." You can name it "repetitive guilt for no reason thoughts," and move on. Every time you see it, you name it, and move on with whatever else you were doing. Keep nailing it for what it is each time, and turn your attention to what is more interesting, which is reality, not a broken record.

    Where you may get hooked is believing that it is wrong to have these silly painful habits. Or that you need to eradicate them. Or that there is a truth in them. That is often the hook. And this hook can be in the background, a subtle reaction to the guilt thoughts. So the awareness is important, to bring them into the light. Otherwise we believe them, or get into other sticky relationships with them. Rather than letting them be. See them for what they are; these thoughts are nonsense. And let it be each time it arises.

    Deeper, you may find that the familiar sense you have of yourself, your identity, is "a guilty person," or a person who needs to make things right for someone else. As you disengage, or ignore the thoughts, this may challenge who you take yourself to be. Hold this with compassion. You have a certain identity that is important to you, that is hard to let go of.

    Bringing this to TMS work, you can also simply see that the feelings of guilt effect the Inner Child, and what are those feelings? How does this ongoing relationship inside create feelings that are painful and hard to let into consciousness? Just acknowledging the conflicts and pressures, and the resulting feelings, and connecting this to symptoms in the moment can be very helpful. Without changing anything.

    I hope this helps.

    Andy B.
  4. Tennis Tom

    Tennis Tom Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Cup, WOW! Just read your "story" on your bio page--I nominate you for the poster child for TMS. You've had every test in the book and they didn't find anything serious to hang a structural dx on--so that leaves--TMS. It might take a bit of time to transition to TMS thinking, after all, it may have taken a life time to develop the thought patterns that brought it on.

    G'luck, sounds like you're on your way.

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