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Having a bad day.

B

braden101

Peer Supporter
Anxiety has come down considerably last few days but left sided eye headache came back with a vengeance, a symptom I havn't felt for at least 6 months.

Woke up this morning with a pounding headache, got up, went about my day and it eventually disappeared, only to be replaced with the groin pain, worse than it has been in the last 2 weeks. It is moving all around my pelvic area and is driving me crazy, TMS is beating me today and I feel helpless.

Have been checking for swelling, googling symptoms again throughout the day and been fighting the urge to go back to the doctor all day long. Trying my hardest to think emotionally but today it is just not happening.

Today has been a real setback. Amazing that after so many good days, in an instant the TMS can take back hold of you. I know healing is not linear and setbacks are to be expected. but that feeling of hopelessnes is what kills me, mind is flooded with negative thoughts and I feel like I have lost the control I had a few days ago.

Have had a couple real stresses added to my life over the last few days, with a change of employment and have a few social events over the next few days (Always a big trigger for me). I know this is more than likely the cause of the flare up, tried to journal today but I just couldn't seem to open up to myself, my focus just won't come off the pain. My TMS is really doing what it is designed to do.

Thought I'd post on here for a bit of a vent...Today is just not my day.
 
Sweetheart I really feel for you !

Shall we pull this situation apart ?

  • You have identified the stressor which have caused you're flare up
  • You KNOW it's TMS
  • Your crafty brain knows you're on to it's strategy, so it's trying different symptoms to fool you
  • You KNOW it will calm down, because you're not being fooled
Now for some more HOPE :

Over the Christmas period last year I had my worst flare up ever, after doing really well all through the summer I'd had little ups and downs, but nothing like this. I was really angry and upset with myself for this "slip". However, I used my anger against it and double my efforts to get well once and for all. I went back to the beginning and started again, to brainwash myself with all the TMS healing strategies and to get even more active. I wasn't going to beat me I had come too far. It was at that point I joined the forum, and I have since come on in leaps and bounds. I'm not totally pain free yet, I still have the odd niggling thing, but I DON'T CARE, I may not be 100% pain free yet, but I'm 100% FEAR FREE.

This was TMS's last stand it overplayed it's hand and lost !

This spell will calm down just ride it out, and use it to learn from, it's only re-enforcing what you already know to be true. You've made fantastic progress, YOU ARE WINNING.

Keep your courage up, and remember we're all in this together. Sometimes it really is darkest before the dawn :joyful:
 
Brandon - Don't overthink what is happening to you. You have TMS and you know that. You have to really believe that and don' t get tricked by it. It may be a good sign that it is moving and increased. Have you read Alan Gordon's Breaking the Pain Cycle. It is very good and will explain what is happening to you. This is not easy and I know it is hard. Just breath friend. Meditate and journal about anything that might be stressors in your life. Do something physical, even if only walking on the treadmill for 15 minutes. Keep the faith friend. Fear and attention is what drives TMS. Being mindful of your day and try and go about things as you normally would. Don't pressure yourself either, it will come.
 
Hi, Brandon. Good advice from Joseph32 and the others.
Try to find a quiet place and time and calm your mind with meditation, maybe soft music or sounds,
and practice deep breathing. Everything bad does pass. I even find laughing a big help.
 
joseph32, I hadn't read that Alan Gordon article, so thanks for pointing it out to me, really hit home!

Mermaid, thankyou for your wise words, as always :). Much appreciated.

I just bought The Divided Mind on audiobook and spent the last 2 hours relaxing on the couch with my headphones in. It seems to be a little technical in places but it focuses on my own personal symptoms alot more than MBP did.

I put the flare up down to all the stress added to my life this past week and ontop of that I have been lazy with TMS study the last few days. As soon as the pain starts to disappear I think I stop working quite as hard but I know now that when the symptoms aren't there, it is the time to work hardest at it!
 
Braden, just don't overdo the time you spend on TMS. Dr. Sarno and Steve Ozanich and others say
we need to balance that with just plain pleasure, exercise, or other things to take our mind off of any pain
or anxiety. The fuller our days are with being in the Happy Present Moment, the faster we heal.
 
Ups and downs are still strong :S

Groin pain was pretty all over the place all weekend, felt that fear wash over me and have been feeling pretty anxious about the pain since. Monday i went to a music festival and i had convinced myself that no matter my groin pain, I would go and i would enjoy it. Well i woke up Monday with ZERO groin pain but a raging headache.

I stuck it out, headache disappeared and I had a really great, pain free day/night.

Last couple days however, groin pain is back and I keep getting that fear wash over me.

I know i have TMS, it is so blatantly obvious. But do I believe it 100%? Obviously not...I struggle with the fear of the pain, I fear pain will stop me living a full life, from doing my job, paying my bills, from making my family happy.

I can feel my groin is sensitized, even when there is no pain. The slightest twinge will set my mind racing. Anxiety and the pain are just feeding off eachother and I can see it happening, right in front of me but I feel powerless to stop it at the moment.
 
Hi Braden

All this is normal, YOU ARE HEALING, SIMPLY BY KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING.

TMS develops gradually, therefore healing is gradual too.

As you know from your reading, it is the fear of symptoms that makes TMS so effective in keeping your attention.

You have already proved to yourself that by ignoring your symptoms and going to the music festival, you rendered them useless, so the pain stopped. Your symptoms coming back is just your brain reverting to it's old habit, please don't let it scare you, focus on the victory you had over TMS instead.

THE SECRET IS PRACTICE, you are retraining your brain to behave differently. By repeatedly ignoring your pain and getting on with your life your brain will eventually get the message that TMS doesn't work and the habit will start to fade.

TMS recovery take heaps of PATIENCE, you must be gentle and compassionate with yourself. I know that you want this to be over NOW, but those feeling of impatience will create tension, which is what you want to avoid, since it is at the root of TMS.

If I have a flare up of pain sometimes I can chase it away easily, sometimes I just have to let it run it's course and take care of itself. Either way I am no longer afraid of it. When I was very sick I used to imagine all sorts of terrible outcomes for myself, NONE OF IT HAPPENED, I'm living my life as I want to now.

Go over Claire Weekes advice regarding how to cope with fear of your symptoms, I listen to her CDs as I drive work some mornings to keep it fresh in my mind.

YOU ARE NOT POWERLESS, EVERYTHING YOU REQUIRE TO HEAL IS WITHIN YOU.

Ease up on yourself you're doing better than you think you are, trust me, I was just the same as you. Every bad spell seemed like the end of the world, and it was so easy to forget the progress I had made. YOU CAN DO THIS, I'M WITH YOU ALL THE WAY.

HUGE HUGS ! :joyful:
 
Braden, Mermaid has given you the best advice.

Probably the hardest thing in TMS healing is to finally believe the pain is from TMS repressed emotions
and nothing physically or structurally wrong with us. Don't fear your pain, and try not to even think about it.
Put your mind on positive things. Do things you enjoy, that make your happy.

Don't worry that you're not going to heal. You are. You just have to keep believing that.
 
In my real life I am surrounded by family, friends, co-workers and doctors that have no idea what I go through and it means alot to have found a group of people that know exactly what I'm going through, so thankyou :)

My groin pain has turned into, almost a tight prostate feeling and a really uncomfortable sensation when I urinate. This has only started since Friday when I had that initial wave of fear/anxiety.

After going back to my old habits of googling symptoms I was convinced I had prostaitis. Am now starting realise that alot of these negative thoughts are actually pre-empting the pain...Last week I was feeling great and after just the mere thought of prostatitis, I suddenly have prostate pain.

I did however go back to the doctor, just to be sure there was no infection. Results were negative and I hope that will somewhat quieten those negative voices in my head.

I sat down today and made a list of every single symptom I have had in my life (That I remember), roughly how long it lasted and "treatments" I had...The list was ridiculously long, none of the most destructive symptoms ever stuck around for more than three months or so and looking back I can see how they were fueled with fear and anxiety and have only started having a recurrence of some of those symptoms since I started educating myself on TMS. Most of the symptoms I assume were rid of by placebo effects and just getting on with life.

I know that anxiety is a major player in this and it is something I have to start actively treating, Claire Weekes book came in the post today, so will be getting stuck into that once I have a quiet moment.

Thanks Again guys.
 
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