Haven't been the same since 1/1/2015

Hi all- just glad there are people I can chat with about this. I've been a big fan of Sarno's since the late 80's or so. I've been very active (lacrosse) and had horrible lower back pain. To make a long story short, I fixed my issues with TMS in the early 90's when, one night at my apartment, my back pain was so bad I could not get up off the floor. I willed myself to get my shoes on (I don't know how I did), pulled myself up, and determined I was gonna run until the pain went away. How I got out the door is a mystery, and for the first 300 yards I felt pain unlike any I ever had (and I had had a broken tibia as a teen). However, once I got past a quarter mile, the pain started to lessen, and by a half mile it was gone. I finished my run on a sprint and never looked back. For years after that, whenever I would have some back pain, exercise would quickly take care of it.

Fast forward to Jan 1, 2015.....

I came down with some annoying back pain around Christmas. I couldn't exercise immediately because I was gonna have a routine physical and blood draw, so I waited until NYE. I went out to jog a mile and a half, but the pain never really went away. I usually start the NY off with a good lacrosse work out (throwing, running, etc) just because. With my daughter with me, I did some throwing and went out on the field to do some running. After stretching I planned on a nice jog, followed by some wind sprints. After stretching, I started my jog in the slowest possible manner. By the third step, I was basically shot down with a pain so sharp on my lower right back and right through my entire leg. I tried to take some steps further, but it swatted me down to the ground and I couldn't get up for 15 minutes. I was basically in a state of shock. The pain was incredible. Somehow, my daughter was off doing her own thing and missed "the show". It was NYD and chilly out, so nobody else was around, either. I finally got myself to stand, but couldn't jog at all. I managed a slow, painful walk around the field before heading to where my daughter was. I asked her if she saw anything that happened and she did not. After a few minutes, eager to climb back in the saddle, I did some basic leg squats and did those okay. We then went home, where I got on my leg machine (an old airgometer) and I really pumped it hard for several minutes. I was so determined to BEAT this the way I has so many years before.

After doing this, I felt like I proved that I at least got past the episode at the field where I was flattened. I settled in the watch some football and have some pizza. However, the worst was still to come.

It started gradually, every couple minutes or so. A dull pain that lasted about twenty seconds or so. It would go away, then come back, go away then come back. It was starting to intensify and come back a little more quickly over the next hour. The pain was so obvious that my wife suggested I go the hospital. I couldn't drive with this sort of pain, so my teenage son did (with a learner's permit) at night. Once there, they took me to emergency and looked over my leg, my knee, my muscles, and were absolutely dumbfounded as to why I was in such intense pain. At some point I thought they were looking at me like I was nuts, because they couldn't see anything. Meanwhile, as the hours wore on, the pain was getting worse and worse and worse. They put me on IV's with muscle relaxers and pain killers, but the pain just kept getting even worse. I felt bad that my son had to see me this way.

Finally, they gave me Valium in an IV, and I passed out. After a while, I woke up, and they sent me home. No diagnosis, no nothing. I could not get comfortable in bed, so I slept on the couch for weeks. I had to use crutches for a couple weeks.

I felt like I went through two separate pain events in a span of three hours that I wouldn't wish on anyone.

After a few weeks, I became able to cope with the situation better and get around, but as player/coach of my team, I really only coached. The frustrating thing was that no matter how I tried to re-strengthen my leg, the muscles WOULD NOT RESPOND. They would not get any bigger or stronger. There was a big disparity between my right and left legs. Pain would continue- not quite as episodic as the two events on NYD, but it was and is still there. The back pain isn't really there, although I usually can tell there's tension on my lower right back. Sometimes I would get burning sensations, pin-pricks, sore pain, dull pain, calves and thighs would be involved, and sometimes it would be the knee.

I can always go with pain. I play through almost anything, but the one thing that has continued the most is the numbness in my leg. I haven't had any reflexes in my right knee since the episode, and its been well over a year. I have gotten to the point where I can jog and even run in a straight line, but when I try to play, and I have to make a sudden move that normally is instinctual, my leg gives and I fall like a heap! I literally have to think of each move my leg does.

Some buddies of mine who do Crossfit are convinced I have Rhabdo, which is common with them and many doctors aren't familiar with. It certainly seems like I have several of the symptoms, although I never had
any of the urological symptoms that accompany Rhabdo. Plus, to have had a sudden attack of both TMS and Rhabdo all in a span of three hours would be...well....

The reason Rhabdo comes up is the lack of responsiveness in the muscles, the numbness, etc. In Rhabdo, all you can do is wait it out, but its been 15 months. It is true that on 1/1/15 I had done some intense exercises with likely oxygen deprivation in my lower back, which would make sense, but as time goes on I'm thinking it could have all been TMS. I've gotten SOME muscle mass back, but the numbness persists. When I've tried to play this season, I look at the game films and I'm almost unrecognizable when running. I can't do anything to alter course or move with any sudden agility. And I'm really trying to gain strength back.

When the attack first occurred on 1/1/15, there were some business concerns that were weighing heavily on my mind. Yes, I do tend to be a good "coper" and keep things inside. In addition, for several years, I have dealt with the aftermath of being a fraud victim, where my ID was stolen by someone I knew to the tune of six figures. It ruined my credit, and the DA's office never got around to prosecute, despite my having gotten all the info they needed. It was a big deal, and made the news cycles. Because the DA's office wouldn't act, it freed the perps to assail me in various ways as they tried to destroy my business, my reputation, my marriage and family, and even forged documents to base a lawsuit against me with. They are still living freely, and still up to their tricks, mostly against others now, but it still is a source of stress. I've had to keep a cheerful disposition through all of this (since 2008) so others wouldn't get worried, as well as at the instruction of my attorneys.

I don't know if there is any hope for me. I was able to beat back TMS in the early 90's, but after all this I question whether I have the strength to beat all of this now. No matter what I do, how much exercise, I do, I cannot get my leg to fully respond. The right leg is weaker, smaller, and far less responsive than my left. My life has never been the same since 1/1/2015.

I'm glad I could post this here, and am grateful just to do so. Maybe that's the best I can do, I don't know.

Thanks for your kind attention.

 

Oh, Metro, I'm so sorry for your intensive pain episodes and for all y've been through in recent months.
I, too, healed from TMS back pain in the early '90s after reading Sarno's book. When TMS struck again in 2011, it took me 2 years and MANY doctor visits before I recognized it as TMS, for the pain was in a totally different place. For this round, I worked the SEP, found free on this wiki. I highly recommend it. Not only will you be exposed to a lot of good resources, but it will direct you to work through some issues that may be at the heart of your pain.
I'd highly recommend the Structured Education Program.
Blessings for healing.

 

Thanks, Gigi! I appreciate that and do plan on looking into that. Thanks for sharing your story.