Day 5 Have I ever enjoyed doing anything?

[Lotus]

The question to ponder on day 5 is to think of some activities I really enjoy doing. I think I enjoy going on a walk. It’s crazy to say that but I’m not really sure I know what I enjoy. I don’t know if I’ve ever even enjoyed anything. I’ve always been in my head. And when I was alone I was just trying to distract myself from what happened to me as a child. I hope I can learn to enjoy things. I think I like watching the sunrise/sunset. I think it’s pretty but sometimes I stop because it’s “boring”.

“If you could do one of these activities without feeling stressed out, without having anxiety, and without worrying about your family, kids, job, etc. how would that feel?” I always feel anxious so I don’t know if I’ve ever felt relaxed while I was on a walk. I think I’m worried about what people think of me: Does my hair look greasy? Is my skin peeling? Do I look disheveled? It would be nice to take a walk without worrying about anything. I’ll try that on my walk today.

UPDATE: Went on my walk and I DID enjoy it. I did feel stressed because I was worried about how fat I looked. At least I was aware of it though. In the past I would’ve done it subconsciously and wouldn’t have thought there was anything wrong with worrying what others thought.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

I did feel stressed because I was worried about how fat I looked. At least I was aware of it though. In the past I would’ve done it subconsciously and wouldn’t have thought there was anything wrong with worrying what others thought.

Beautiful insight. This is the skillful means to work with your inner critic. I think you're seeing that the pleasure you have, your direct experience of the walk lives in a different dimension than your inner critic. Knowing the two experiences are separate, and witnessing the inner critic's opinions and attacks is a huge support for your journey. The enjoyment is a natural response to the present moment. The critic's voice and worries are conditioned, based on the past.

Thanks for sharing this.

 

[Lotus]

The enjoyment is a natural response to the present moment.

This is key.

 

[lucky one]

I so understand where you're coming from. How could you enjoy something like the sunset, when your mind is struggling with things that happened in the past? I believe when you stop watching the sunset/sunrise you stop because there is so much beauty to behold, but then your mind goes back to the ugliness of what had happened to you in your childhood and the question is " how could I enjoy beauty when I was surrounded by darkness"? This is exactly what this program does, confront and think and immerse yourself in the emotions of your childhood, cry, scream, imagine punishing whoever hurt you and when finished hug yourself and look up at the sunrise/sunset and bathe yourself in the unbelievable beauty available to you now, in the present moment.

I wish you all the best in your journey....

 

[Lotus]

I believe when you stop watching the sunset/sunrise you stop because there is so much beauty to behold, but then your mind goes back to the ugliness of what had happened to you in your childhood and the question is " how could I enjoy beauty when I was surrounded by darkness"?

That is so interesting. I never thought about it like that.

Thanks for your support.