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Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by MissShamrocks, Oct 17, 2014.

  1. MissShamrocks

    MissShamrocks Peer Supporter

    Hi all,

    I'm new to the community :)

    I know a lot of us have the "do gooder" "people pleasing" "self sacrificing" bone in our body so to speak, and this is a difficult one for me to try to work out and put into practice. The people in my circle of friends and clients are some of the kindest, giving people and of course I like to return the gesture. I just had a client's wife call me to do a "hospital call" for her husband (I'm in the beauty biz). It's close by my house but I'm short on time and of course, still in pain. I told her that I wouldn't be able to come tomorrow and that I'd have to figure out another time and also my concerns about the set up of this place. I have pain with sitting, so it creates a lot of anxiety (and pain). She seemed understanding that I couldn't come tomorrow (they are both awesome people) but they've been VERY generous to me over the years, and I am feeling horribly guilty. I need some words of advice from you lovely people :)
  2. blake

    blake Well known member

    Oh yes, guilt. I'm very familiar with that feeling.

    Saying no to my mother used to cause me tremendous guilt, which then triggered deep anger and eventually, of course, pain. I was either feeling guilty or angry at doing things I didn't want to do. To break that infernal cycle I decided to give myself permission to take a little bit more space. I said to myself: it's ok to do a little bit less because you are in pain right now and you need to heal. I took a tiny step back, but also kept the connection with her in another, less demanding way.

    This has paid off. Getting at that repressed anger about my obligations has let me to be almost completely pain free now. Still working on the last little bit, but it's coming. Plus, I feel a lot more positive about the relationship.

    You're blessed to be surrounded by such generous caring people. These are exactly the kind of people who would understand your needing to say no once in a while because you are taking time to heal. It's perfectly normal to cut back on a few things as we go through tms recovery. Keep a good connection with your friends and cut yourself some slack.

    Wishing you lots of healing!
    MissShamrocks likes this.
  3. Tennis Tom

    Tennis Tom Beloved Grand Eagle

    If you don't want to do the job because you don't have time to or it's your day off then don't do it out of guilt, break the goodist habit. If you are afraid to do the job because you fear sitting, then do it because Dr. Sarno says you can't hurt yourself by sitting!--challenge the gremlin.

    G'luck & Welcome,
    blake, Ellen and MissShamrocks like this.
  4. MissShamrocks

    MissShamrocks Peer Supporter

    Blake, I can definitely relate. I go back and forth between anger and guilt, but for me it's with clients. I'm glad to hear you are almost out of pain! It's amazing how the mind works. Never thought repressed emotions would have made me this sick. I'm thrilled to have had this awakening and chance to heal. Thank you for your advice! I hope you continue to heal :)

    Tom, quick and to the point! I like that! You are right. It's a mix of both. Was speaking to a friend over the phone about it when I realized just how much energy I've expelled on it today. It's no wonder I have TMS. This is going to be quite a journey! Thanks for your reply :)
    Tennis Tom likes this.
  5. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Miss Shamrocks. I especially picked up on what you said that you realized how much energy you have been expelling on your symptoms,
    and anger and guilt. I think that thinking too much about your repressed emotions is keeping the symptoms alive. Dr. Sarno suggests we not
    spend too much time reflecting on our repressed emotions. I found it helped in healing to spend about half an hour a day in journaling
    and the rest of the day in relaxation techniques... deep breathing, mindfulness (staying in the present and not the future), and distractions
    that made me feel happy. Yes, TMS is a journey, and a wonderful one, leading us to know more about ourselves and others in our lives.

    You must be Irish, so get your guardian Leprechan (sp?) to take you to a favorite place that will make you feel good, and safe.
    MissShamrocks and Tennis Tom like this.

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