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Grief?

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Vintagelyns, Feb 27, 2016.

  1. Vintagelyns

    Vintagelyns Newcomer

    Hi all. Sorry if this has been talked about before, ive been reading lots and following advice and a lot of pain has dissipated.
    Still getting floaters and anxiety (more so now pains not so bad which is an inkling of what's going on!)
    I went to an acupuncturist on Wednesday as ive felt so out of balance since my friend died of cancer this August just gone, my menses have gone haywire, absolutely nothing this month! She mentioned a heart blood deficiency and treated me for shock.
    Today I felt a huge knot of anxiety and dread as usual on waking, so I ran myself a hot shower and when I got in I found myself thinking of my friend and having a massive cry, I stopped myself at first but then thought to myself "it's only been 6 months, of course I'm still allowed to grieve" then I howled and the knot went away, now I have a headache and my shoulders hurt and I feel sad and tearful. Could half of my anxiety and health troubles (and preoccupation with death) be related to dawns death?

    Not entirely sure how to move through this. I go from anxiety to pain, then from pain to anxiety. I want neither!
    Any ideas what I should do from hereon?

    I do yoga and meditation for my mind. I think id be open to anything! I want my life and sanity back.

    Thanks all xxxx
     
  2. balto

    balto Beloved Grand Eagle

    We all grief when we lost a love one. The different is some will move on while other keep dwelling on the past and continue to grief. Some of us tend to be more negative and to focus on the negative. We keep looking out for the negative sign in our life. It is just a bad habit we need to break.
    I think you have to push yourself to move on. You need to replace your bad memories by creating new, beautiful memories. Go out and live your life. It will be hard at first. Most day you won't feel like doing it at all. But the different between getting better and staying sick is you have to move on. Meet and make new friends. Go places. Spend time with other love one. Count your blessing. Do charity work.... Fill your life with activities so much so that you don't have time to grief anymore. Choose to immerge yourself in something you think you will enjoy.
    And don't ever think you can't do it. You have no other choice. Only you can save yourself.
     
  3. Kalo

    Kalo Well known member

    Can, I just ad something?? Isn't filling your life with activities so much that you don't have time to grieve anymore...SELF DENIAL or SURPRESSING EMOTIONS???

    Thanks,

    Kalo
     
  4. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Losing a loved one or great friend is one of the toughest parts of living. I'm 86 and some of my closest relatives and best friends have gone, and miss them and grieve for them. But I decided long ago not to cry but to remember the wonderful times together and thank the Lord for them.

    But I have nothing against a good cry. Just do it once or twice and then stop and remember the good times.
     
  5. Kalo

    Kalo Well known member

    I am about to loose my Mom to prancreatic cancer...

    I am on the autistic spectrum and it is so hard for me walt!!! I am forced in my cousins townhouse and we put the house my Mom and I were staying in up for sale and it sold.......I feel alone and depressed...My TMS pain range to jaw pain...That went a way... Now SI joint pain and pelvic pain...I am in the midst of change...and it's not easy...I don't have a job...

    All my family members are telling me to move into a condo..I inherited a dog who my parent's got and I raised...I don't want a condo and certainly don't want my 25 pound dog living in one without freedom to go in her back yard...I am dillegent about walking her as well...But living in a townhouse while my Mom's is in a group home...Isn't easy...I have no job and looking for one...

    Grief is a bitch, excuse my language...Life can be tuff....I hope I can survive it and pray whatever left I have on this earth I can at least be happy...

    Depression is no joke and my mind is so mixed up...

    Kalo
     
  6. Lavender

    Lavender Well known member

    Dear Kalo, I am not offering any solution for your difficult situation , but please know however that my heart goes out to you and I hope and pray that there is a comfortable living solution ahead for you somehow, Also in regards to your Mom, please accept my sympathies in advance. I am certain that your post will touch many hearts here on the forum and you will see that you are not alone.
     
    yvettemariabetancourt likes this.
  7. Kalo

    Kalo Well known member

    Hi Lavender,

    Thank you! I am not looking for sympathy...But, I know I have had all kinds of TMS pain since my Father passed away 2 years ago......I had quite my job to take care of my Mom and she fell a day before Christmas eve. They put her in a rehab center for two weeks...The minute she came home she had very bad pain and I sent to her back to ER and that is when the discovered pancreatic cancer. I can't even type the word it scares me so much.

    You could imagine my mind running a muck with all the TMS pain I am feeling....I suffer from hypochondria and this has helped...Plus the fact that I am moved into townhouse its all new....

    Believe it or not I am in my late 40's and my mentally because of Aspergers is like a kid wanting Mommy and Daddy to protect me...

    I don't like being this way, but, both parent,s were like best friends to me as well as loving parent's!

    I knew this day would come sooner or later, but, wow, has it hit hard...

    Thanks again!

    Kalo
     
  8. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Vintagelyns,
    It may be that you're absolutely doing the right thing, that this is a natural rhythm, that will work itself out. You're seeing and feeling and allowing what is coming up. The only other suggestion is to get some kind of counseling or coaching support, to help you hold things as they unwind on their own. It may help to just see this pattern, and not fight it. Name it: I'm anxious right now. I'm in pain right now. I don't know what to do right now.

    It does not sound pleasant right now, and yet your crying seems to be right... Most people feel they wallow too much, when in fact we tend to avoid feelings. For others, as balto suggests, it is good to focus on positivity, beauty and pleasure, because it can be a dark spiral. Maybe the best approach for you is to allow the feelings, and also find ways to enjoy beauty and pleasure and goodness in some simple things in life, as a support for yourself. Sometimes this takes a little effort too. I wish you well!
    Andy B
     
  9. Huckleberry

    Huckleberry Well known member


    I am not versed on Aspergers but that protection mentality is universal.

    My wife used to be a nurse and she often cared for patients nearing death and time and time again she told me that they would call for their parents even if their own parents had already died.

    I lost my mum and dad in a very short space time and both unexpectedly and even though I'm a 48 year old guy with my own family I still feel alone in the world...I think anybody who has lost their parents recognises this feeling and I'm sure it never leaves.
     
    yvettemariabetancourt likes this.
  10. Kalo

    Kalo Well known member

    This is surprising Huckleberry! I always figured if I would of gotten married with kids, I wouldn't feel like this....I guess it is universal!!!

    Thanks
    Kalo
     
  11. Lavender

    Lavender Well known member

    I have heard more people than not express that the loss of their last surviving parent was so surreal, as though a little voice in their head was telling them, "You're on your own now Kid." But we do somehow go on and time does ease the acute pain.
     
  12. Gigi

    Gigi Well known member

    hi vintagelyns. Grief is a process that people go through at their own pace. When I lost a baby, people who were well-meaning said the stupidest, most insensitive things. And it's unfortunate when people think you should be "over it" in a specified time frame. Grief is an odd thing. Some days i'd be fine, and on other days grief felt like a physical weight, pressing down on my shoulders.
    Something that I belive saved my sanity was grief therapy. It might be helpful for you to see a counselor who specializes in grief therapy. After processing your feelings your TMS pain will diminish.
    Blessings to you.
     
  13. Kalo

    Kalo Well known member

    Thanks Lavendar and Gigi,

    I believe grief therapy would do me good. Hospice has one, but, the first session I really didn't get anything out of it...

    Kalo
     
  14. yvettemariabetancourt

    yvettemariabetancourt Peer Supporter

    When I lost my Dad 20 years ago, I felt like an orphan. Still do sometimes many years later. Acknowledgment is crucial.
     

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