Gratitude

Sometimes I find it quite difficult to stay positive as I get dragged into the cycle that is TMS and the grind that daily life can become. I found this video recently and a few times now it has lifted my spirits and helped bring me into the present .

Ever since watching it at least once a day I find myself stopping and looking up at the sky in wonder (you'll understand after you watch the video)

Hope this gives someone else a bit of a lift like it has me.

 

I can't thank you enough for sharing this video with us, Chumba. I can understand why you watch it frequently and I will now do the same.

My first thoughts when I pressed the start button? Oh no, it's over 9 minutes long. Can I be bothered to watch it now? I have so much I need to do...and then I start mentally listing my chores for the day. My OH is coming in soon with my morning cup of tea. He'll ask me what I am watching. I don't want to have to explain it to him. And so it went briefly, my mind full of rubbish chatter.

But I was curious so I hit the start button. It began as a TED talk. I had never heard of TED until a few weeks ago when I came across a talk on introversion, ironically.

I watched the video and it made me cry. I am not easily moved to tears. Sure I get watery-eyed when I watch something sad or poignant on TV, but I don't often cry. Even at work I hear so many sad and distressing stories from people yet I remain stoic in the guise of being a professional. So I immediately wanted to know what it was that caused this reaction. Here's what I think.

I have had my eyes shut and have missed everything. I have been in existence for just over half a century and I have taken so much for granted, let beautiful moments slip past unnoticed because I was too busy in my own head worrying, ruminating, planning, plotting. It was like seeing a train pull out. On the train is someone you care about deeply. They had waited for you but you were not there in time to see them leave. When you arrived, the train was pulling out and you knew you would never see that person again.

When I was a young girl, strangers used to pass me in the street and shout "Cheer up! It might never happen." I have been a negative person for so long, I don't know how to be anything else. My thoughts have been negative. My language has been negative. When someone asks me what I would like, say for dinner, I will automatically respond by telling them what I don't want. Even the first line of this post is a negative.

While I have been so busy in my own head, thinking in negative terms, life has passed me by. I have missed the flowers, waterfalls and human smiles. I can't get those back. The train is gone. This is what upset me and this is what made me cry.

It also struck me suddenly that I had been grappling with the concept of mindfulness for months. I have had it explained to me in person, watched various YouTube videos, read articles and am currently reading a book about it. I have even been hypnotised for the purpose of experiencing it. I had certainly understood it intellectually. Yet I just didn't GET IT. Until this morning.

So here I am at the start of a new day wondering what life will be like from now on. I will say again, without the negatives, thank you, Chumba, from my heart and soul.

 

yb44, I cried too the first time that I saw it but I think it was for different reasons. For me I think it was just remembering the blessings in my life.

I was recently misdiagnosed with something that threatened to put me in a wheelchair , which really got me thinking about what I was doing with my life. After months of anxiety I found out this week that they got it wrong.

While I have lived a pretty full life, on reflection I realise that there was a lot of doing but that for much of it I wasn't really present, this seems to be a pretty common thing with TMS. I too have spent an incredible amount of time inside my head, from what I see this along with anxiety is a common TMS trait.

I recently met someone who I hadn't seen for 15 years and one of his first questions was "How is your back". When I told him that I hadn't had back pain for years he couldn't believe it, but for me it was a realisation of how much I must have been the guy with the bad back and the constant pain.

I don't want to sound cliche, but I am very clear now that I can't reclaim the past but I can claim today and tomorrow and the day after. And that there can still be a lot of really good days. So while I am still inside my head far too much, I am fiercely determined to be present more often.

A book that I read that has really helped me with both the pain and being present is Jon Kabat-Zinn "Full Catastrophy Living". Its written by someone who manages a pain/stress clinic and it is all about making peace with the full catastrophe of life, in a good sense. One of the core premises of the book is that life is random and chaotic and things that you don't like will always be happening. So you can wait forever for the pain to go away and for life to be perfect, which will never happen, or you need to find a way to be comfortable and happy with life as it is.

So don't feel bad about the days you've lost, they've brought you here and what you do today is up to you.

 

Hello.. I too would like to say thank you Chumba for posting the Gratitude link.. very inspiring and something I needed to see today ...

I also can so identify with yb44.. words put honestly and eloquently. I am a similar age to you yb44 and when you wrote...... 'Even at work I hear so many sad and distressing stories from people yet I remain stoic in the guise of being a professional' and
'I have had my eyes shut and have missed everything. I have been in existence for just over half a century and I have taken so much for granted, let beautiful moments slip past unnoticed because I was too busy in my own head worrying, ruminating, planning, plotting. It was like seeing a train pull out. On the train is someone you care about deeply. They had waited for you but you were not there in time to see them leave. When you arrived, the train was pulling out and you knew you would never see that person again.'

it really struck a cord. I too feel that I have missed so much connection with people and life. Busy in my own head and fears, hardening my heart as a protection.

Watching the video also reminded me that it is clear.. when I am relaxed and in a good space I soak up and appreciate life and nature. I can look at a leaf or a segment of bark and moss and see the world. When I am stressed, negative and ruminating the world almost becomes flat, distant and monochrome.
One thing that I love doing and really does help me connect is photography. It helps me to be drawn into colour, shape and forms in nature and is very absorbing for me. One of my aims is to learn more 'skills' in digital photography.

I agree with Chumba.. hard as it is to let go it is wasted time and energy to regret the lost past.. we are here today making changes.. each day is present for us to be creative, appreciative and open to the life
that is available to us.

May I have the courage today
To live the life I would Love
To postpone my dream no longer
But do at last what I came here for
And waste my heart on fear no more
- John O'Donohue

 

Ah yes, but it's never too late! I too walked in a "fog of anxiety" for many years. But living here on the coast, my eyes were opened to beauty every day. I love the different skies: day or night. I love the lighting on the beach. The times when it's just me and my dog. You too can find this! Whether you live in a city or in a rural area like myself.

It's never too late.

Beautiful video.

BG

 

Thanks for posting this video. It is so powerful, beautiful, and elegant. Nature and its gifts are incredible and calming and inspiring.

From my notebook of gathered quotes,"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." Maria Robinson

 

Thank you, Chumba, for posting this video.

When I first saw this post, I immediately emailed the video to my 15 year old daughter who has been struggling with anxiety. We had just been talking about her anxiety earlier and I felt like it might be helpful to her. I had also suggested that she read "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz. I then told myself I would watch the video tomorrow when "I" had more time. But something made me push the button, and I am so glad that I changed my mind. What a beautiful piece! I will watch this one over and over again.

 

Many thanks Chumba, what an amazingly glorious film. How wonderful to be part of this extraordinary ecology. I thank God for this grace. I respect that others think of God as the Universal force. Whatever we call it we belong to it.
Peace