As I wake up today , I am just accepting all that as happened and what is happening..I can`t waste anymore energy in the TMS healing modality its exhausting and feels like denial . I have learned that I need to move on with my pain and know that I created it by not reacting properly and holding on to much anger.. The mediation, reading, watching my emotions have all been the foundation which I needed to realize where my pain was routed. And more important of all is this forum, which kept me so many times on the road where I wanted to just quit and give up and go back to my drugs and dr visit ( which in my opinion fueled my pain even more). I am not saying I am done with TMS , but I need a big break and put what I learned to real use . Instead into trying you learn other tech to clam down or ignore my pain ( which for me was the biggest form of denial for me) I need to sit with it and ask it why? why are you still here! Anyway my rant is over. Have a great day all.