Going back home again after a trip: Will it be easier?

Thank you to everyone who’s following my story… tomorrow I head home from the beach, the 150 miles to my house, a three-hour car ride.

I haven’t felt nervous all day. Before I came I was overwhelmed with anxiety for two days —so this is an improvement. It will be interesting to see how strong I am facing it all going back. Maybe my body won’t lock up like it did coming. But if it does, I’m going to tell it that I like the challenge. “Please keep it up.”

I’ve done a lot of thinking about what TMS puts me through to keep me afraid. Even at its worst the fear surpasses the pain. Fear is the worst thing for me. I have a really huge pain tolerance. And, most of my symptoms these days are just freaky— intended to frighten—not necessarily painful.

I do dread going home because I think my life needs to be straightened out some more. I’m not doing enough. I’m just sitting around waiting to get better. I’m going to change all that when I get home. Get some structure. Get some purpose. For one thing, I don’t have a job. This has been really tough on me. I have a few ideas, but I think I might start trying to do some cooking— looking for really good recipes and making them, no matter how hard it is to stand up. I’ll figure out a way.

This trip to the beach has been every bit worth what it took to leave the house— to face my fears— to challenge my symptoms. What a wonderful refreshing time to listen to the sea and watch the waves. Watching the waves is the perfect meditation. I think my adrenaline is down to zero right now. lol

P.S. some people wanted to hear about the food I had. I had some really good beer battered fried rockfish tacos topped with Jalapeno white cheddar, dressed cabbage, fresh Pico de Gallo & homemade cilantro garlic sour cream sauce. I also had some amazing eggplant parmesan from a restaurant owned by New York Italians. They really have the old world recipes. For dessert, I got a homemade custard eclair. It was insane! A special liquor store, Anthony’s, makes gourmet subs with all the freshest everything—razor thin rare roast beef, tomato, onion, cheddar and horseradish sauce. I had fried oysters one night—my very favorite. With homemade potato salad (a really good recipe! I think it has sour cream in it.) And one morning I had gluten free pecan pancakes from my favorite breakfast place. I dream of these pancakes when I’m not here. And last but not least: Smith Island cake, from an island in the Chesapeake Bay. Old ladies bake these 12-layer cakes with decadent frosting. The best is golden cake with fudge frosting. (now I can go home and lose some weight!)

 

I'm cooking now...I'm taking a short break...I agree with what Jan said, yes, same here!

 

Thinking of you, @Diana-M as you make the drive back!
And, just taking another moment to reflect on how absolutely amazing it is that you took the step on your journey and went to the beach! That's so huge. Regardless of whatever the symptoms and your mind/body want to tell you at this point, you ARE living life.
Thanks for the inspiration - Looking forward to hearing how everything is going once you return and sending all good thoughts!

 

Thank you, @NewBeginning !

 

The food OMG! All of it sounds amazing.

 

So glad the break was a positive one for you.

The food sounds amazing.!!!