Today I kept asking myself what emotion I was feeling. Up came anger, sadness, and I realized I felt them in my body all the way down to my belly...but not in my hips and legs. Guess what? The very areas that are stiff and numb! I understood "TMS" at a deeper level. Yesterday I decided to start believing in TMS 100% instead of thinking, "I believe in it 80%". I didn't have faith, but decided to just hold that thought: 100%. Today, it seems, the revelation comes... yes, this is TMS! and that I must do the psychological work. I can't "outrun" the pain with exercise and body awareness alone. (Exercise does help, it gives me courage for the fight, and body awareness leads to emotional awareness as long as I stay connected. I just don't identify them with "curing" my pain and stiffness now). I felt how my glutes kept gripping and asked them, why? Answer: because you are a hard ass. Sheesh, I thought I'd already known this, identified the connection when I got tailbone pain in 2012. But then, it was really localized in my tailbone, whereas now (since repeated low back spasms) legs and hips are stiff and numb. It appears I am still being a "hard ass"...on myself! and must lighten up! Luckily I am scheduled to teach a Laughing Yoga workshop in January, which I haven't done for years, so must practise lightening up! Finally, the expression came up, "feeling pain". You know that question, "Are you feeling pain?" YES! YES! YES! Feeling...pain. Ironic that we feel pain, to stop ourselves from feeling?