Gah! I can barely walk!

[North Star]

So I am into my 2nd week of "Boot Camp". It's been a lot of fun…well sorta. Yesterday we did wind sprints (or in my case, breeze crawls) and that put me out of commission for today. My ankle and Achilles puffed up like a puffer fish by the evening. REALLY, TMS?!

Instead of going to boot camp today, I hit the pool. It will probably be on tomorrows agenda too given the fact I can hardly walk.

I'm pissed and discouraged. I expect some post work out pain but this is freakin' ridiculous. I've been re-reading SteveO's book and can totally relate to his initial jogs. I've seen 90-year-olds using walkers with greater agility than my present state.

So the shoulder pain that has been plaguing me since July has moved into my hips and ankles. Perhaps there is a downward trend moving through and it eventually will leave via my toes?

This is just getting so old!

 

[Ellen]

North Star,

I feel your pain. What you have undertaken is hard for anyone. Add that you are likely deconditioned from years of TMS, and that your brain is still using those old TMS nerve pathways to scream at you "stop, you can't do this". But I think it is great that you are still exercising and haven't given up completely. Swimming is fine. Just keep at it.

I get discouraged doing my Bikram Yoga, too. Progress has not been as fast as I'd like, and every once in awhile I seem to go backward a little. But I've stuck with it, and overall have seen progress. Most importantly it is changing how I view myself, and we know that it all comes down to the mindbody connection. On those days when I absolutely do not feel like enduring 90 minutes of painful, difficult postures, I ask myself "what else am I going to do with the next 90 minutes?" --read a book, surf the net, watch something on a screen? The answer is "nothing that will benefit me as much as doing yoga", so I just do it. I tell myself that I don't have to do it well today, or even my best, I just have to do it. So far, I've kept at it. I know I have to make this choice over and over in order to truly change.

So even if you have to get a walker out and hobble down the track, or swim instead, just keep at it. Ask yourself "What is the alternative?"

You can do it.

 

[North Star]

Thank you so much, Ellen. I appreciate your words of encouragement and draw strength from them. And you said it…I have years of conditioning that I'm unraveling. Last night, I woke up *again* with calf pain. I could hear Dr. Schubiner's words, "any pain that wakes you up it night is most certainly TMS," so I told it to shut up and the pain wandered off.

I don't ever remember being this gimped up with pain and stiffness before. Or at least to this level. (All the more reason to see TMS's tricky tactics at work.

Re: Yoga. There's this clip on Youtube of an obese disabled vet starting out with yoga. He's got clips of him just toppling over. But he keeps at it. And today, he is a runner…and free of crutches and braces. I've watched that more than a time or two. And then there's SteveO's book.

Bravo to you on the Yoga, Ellen. I'm still fairly new to it though I've been doing mindfulness training for a couple of years now so that helps me calm done enough to focus on the moves. (As pathetic as they are!)

Thanks again for your encouragement. xo

 

[Mala]

Hey NS think of the pain as being temporary. Boot camp is hard work!! Do you think u r doing too much at once? Maybe slow down a bit till the body adjusts to being worked out all over. Don't be too disheartened. We TMSers sometimes push ourselves too hard.

Ellen's advice is spot on. Doesn't matter what u do as long as u r doing something. Swimming is great too.

I think I've seen the video you mean Is it this one?

Its amazing what he achieved.

All the best & keep at it!!

Mala

 

[yb44]

Nooooooooo!!! Don't do this Nooooorth Staaaaaar!!!

Our bodies sure can kick up quite a fuss and 'shout' at us like this. I started some personal training sessions at the end of the summer. It was high time to get back into some sort of fitness routine but I wasn't confident going to the gym or a class. After the first session which was so basic and gentle a newborn could have managed the routine, I had a pain setback and was limping around, struggling to bend down. My body was so overreacting it was laughable. I had to go away that weekend for fun reasons and I was damned if I was going to cancel my plans. I continued to limp around and within a few days the mystery affliction was gone. I've discovered that if my trainer asks how I'm feeling and I mention some ache or pain, she's all over it like a rash, focusing solely on that area, suggesting this or that stretch to alleviate any discomfort. I now just keep my mouth shut because I know any ache or pain is either general strain say from doing some gardening and will go away on its own or it's unexplained so I put it down to TMS.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

The video is truly amazing and I totally believe in not giving up, but the fellow in the video lost weight and gained mobility
while under the care of a fitness trainer. yb44, your pain most likely is from TMS, so stick with the healing techniques for TMS
and keep trying to stay physically active.

 

[North Star]

Yes, Mala! That's the one! I guess that guy is doing really well now and coaches others.

Yb44, oh yeah…my body was screaming at me. And yes, overreacting just like you described. I thought - fer-cryin'-out-loud! This is WAY beyond normal achiness after a workout.

Mala, I think I WAS doing too much. I'm going to do boot camp 3 days a week and hit the pool the other days. (Or a long walk.) I was re-reading SteveO's book and a sentence jumped out in me…it was something to the effect, "Walk in the light you have." That just encouraged me to scale back a bit and ENJOY the exercise and enjoy the feeling of getting more fit…instead of hobbling around discouraged.

Walt, always good to hear from you. That video IS amazing! The guy probably has no clue as to how many people he has encouraged.

 

[Ellen]

North Star,
It sounds like you have a good plan in place. Glad to hear you're not giving in.

I had seen that video awhile ago. Yes, that guy is truly amazing! I do have to keep reminding myself that I do yoga for general good health and well being, and not because I expect it to "cure" me. It's hard to not go there. It's a fine line to walk--or hobble along

 

[Colly]

Hey North Star, I hope your pain has settled. I can understand your frustration, as I'm sure you were looking forward to throwing yourself into the Boot camp.

I wonder what your feeling was about doing such a workout, and whether this had made any contribution to your pain. The Boot Camp concept always strikes me as very punishing. I know now that if I perceive an activity to be strenuous, the more pressure I put on myself and the TMS cycle returns. I had my last TMS relpase after pushing myself through a competitive run which I felt I couldn't do. What was bizarre was that I finished the run comfortably, and then the TMS pain kicked in past the finish line! My self-imposed pressure finally came to the surface, and I could barely walk. Being on view by the sea of onlookers just added to my stress, which made my TMS pain excruciating.

I was in a swimming club once and while the training was very challenging I really enjoyed it, knowing that it was great for my health and wellbeing. I never had TMS pain during or after swimming training, and I wonder now whether my perception of this exercise was a factor…

The pool is the best place even during TMS relapses. The water will be very calming and refreshing, and throw in a sauna or spa while you're there!

 

[Ellen]

I think @Colly makes a really good point about "Boot Camp". Most of us with TMS already have drill sergeants in our heads, so having someone whip us into shape is maybe too much. Could be a minefield of triggers there.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Swimming is great for both physical and mental good health. I think it could be good to put the Boot Camp on hold
for a while and just swim, enjoying the healing calm of swimming.

 

[North Star]

The guy behind the boot camp is…well, it should probably be called "hoot" camp because this guy is a hoot. The only thing he is insistent on is that one listens to one's own body.

Having said that…I have found alternating boot camp with pool days is the ticket for me. My pain levels are down HUGELY over the past few days. No limping! I credit that with being in the pool. I stretch and remind myself that I am healthy and strong, yadda, yadda…you know, the reminders. And yes, swimming is wonderful. I love the pool where we live now…plenty of lap lanes.

I am really looking forward to yoga tomorrow. The instructor mixes things up everyday. I will not do cardio with him…I'll stick to a bike while I untangle the conditioned responses with my Achilles.

I appreciate everyone's support…thank you so much! Muu-ah!