Frustration and pain

[Rosebud1941]

I just wanted to unload on here!

I did post last week as I returned to work after a couple of months off. I did have a really good day even with a lot of walking. I did have pain but I soon recovered. The rest of the week really wasn't too bad. Since last year I have been looking at TMS and it's only been since I have been off work that I was starting to take it seriously and felt that this could definitely be the answer.
Now I know it can take a long time, a lot of patience and a lot of work involved and I should just get on with it and accept this is how I will feel occasionally. I returned for another shift today. I have been given a gradual return which has been great because I have more time at home. More or less as soon as I got in my pains started (its PN pain apparently - yes I know - undiagnosed). I sat and it hurt, I walked around and it hurt. I felt like I had a hot poker stuck in me (sorry for visuals). I took out a client (I am a support worker) and it still hurt. When I finally left everything ached. I'm resting at home now, still it hurts. But I'm supposed to be unbothered because if I get upset or feel so upset about the pain, my brain will still think I have a physical injury. But it damn well hurts! I didn't have any problem about going into work. I dont know if it's something stuck somewhere in my subconscious. I didn't even panic. I'm just feeling pain.
Any suggestions will be most welcome - thank you!

 

[Cactusflower]

@Rosebud1941
That's fantastic work! The fact you've begun to allow the sensations without reacting to it is a big step.
I would suspect your mind still expects pain at times, that's OK. I've been at this for a long time, and so does mine. It can take a while to "peel the onion" of all those little niggly things in our mind. Not reacting to them but just saying "ah, ha! I see you" gives you a chance to work through them.
That is exactly what you are doing.

 

[Joulegirl]

From what I understand, that fact that you still kept on going and that's what we are supposed to do! Being unbothered by the pain is so hard. But even if you can be unbothered by it for a couple of minutes is breaking that pain->fear cycle. This is what I'm working on too. Not easy to do at all.

 

[feduccini]

But I'm supposed to be unbothered because if I get upset or feel so upset about the pain, my brain will still think I have a physical injury. But it damn well hurts! I didn't have any problem about going into work. I dont know if it's something stuck somewhere in my subconscious. I didn't even panic. I'm just feeling pain.

From what I've seen and read in this space, there's been a change in the view about our relation to symptoms. It used to be about how we can reduce symptoms by communicating safety. Now it's more about how there's a neuroplastic structure to it and the need for a strategy for the long run. Meaning a lot of people get to a point where's pretty clear there's no structural damage, but pain persists. Some call it the long tail of recovery. Others think they're stuck.

First I think we need to accept fear is inevitable. It's pretty hard to do anything calmly when there's a risk of a sudden sharp pain coming out of nowhere. I'm not talking about fear of damage here. I'm talking about fear of pain pure and simple. But we do know by now that the fact you know it's non structural is enough to point your system towards recovery.

Then there's the frustration. You want to live your full life, get out, travel, swim, play sports, dance... And even knowing the pain is coming from the scared nervous system, it's a debilitating pain getting in the way of it all. For that we're taught to slow down and accept the present moment. Boy this sucks. But here's the place where I think Sarno, expressive writing, EAET etc shine. There will be a lot of anger surfacing, an obscene amount. Finding ways to let it out without hurting others is a lesson that should be taught in schools, for the good of ourselves and society.

And now we get to the acceptance part. There's a lot of emphasis on that in trauma healing, but the thing is: it takes time. Some TMS coaches out there try to force you into acceptance, and that's a profound lack of empathy. It will come when it's time. Trying to shortcut it creates resistance, which is just the opposite.

So, in short, a lot of times pain will make us feel we're lost. We're not, that's our anxiety speaking.

 

[BloodMoon]

Great replies from everyone above imo.

My suggestion is to take 2–3 minute “reset breaks” just stepping somewhere quiet and doing a few breaths where you lengthen your exhales. If it's possible to do this every hour or so that would be great, but if not then just do it when you can, like when you go to the loo. Truly "every little helps" (I used the Tesco ad as one of my mottos!) to gradually calm your brain and nervous system.

 

[Adam Coloretti (coach)]

But I'm supposed to be unbothered because if I get upset or feel so upset about the pain, my brain will still think I have a physical injury. But it damn well hurts! I didn't have any problem about going into work. I dont know if it's something stuck somewhere in my subconscious. I didn't even panic. I'm just feeling pain

Frustration is completely normal - you're not supposed to enjoy the pain or do handstands about it - I wouldn't be concerned about that at all and being less bothered will come naturally with symptom reduction - you're fighting human nature to be less frustrated when it's intense - I think it's a waste of energy and just leads to guilt and self-judgment, which doesn't help pain itself.

The most important thing is that you didn't panic, and to me that reflects well on your belief in the TMS diagnosis (which is a big pillar).

To me, there's really three sources of fear/frustration/negative feelings towards the pain:

Frustration at the pain because it hurts = Fair enough! There's no getting around that it hurts and this is a natural reaction. This needs symptom reduction (unless it's really extreme, then some work may need to be done on it).

Frustration at the pain and fear based on how it impacts life, e.g. how it affects work and relationships = Given that most with TMS have the TMS personality, some of this frustration and fear is inevitable (and is to be accepted - the more responsibility in life you have the more this is true), but some can likely be combatted out of self-compassion and lowering pressure and criticism (which comes from the personality traits - such as perfectionism and people pleasing - both of which increase internal pressure and in turn makes the pain more meaningful and negatively impactful). This is where journalling comes in as well as other therapies.

Fear around it being structural, it getting worse as a result of a lack of belief in the TMS diagnosis - This is really the one that to me is the focus at the beginning - belief does build over time, but this one can be really sticky because we are wired to be fearful if we think there's something wrong with our bodies (and so we should, that's evolution). This is addressed through TMS theory/knowledge, as well as the person's individual evidence.

Given you didn't panic, I would guess your belief is in a pretty good spot. By working on number 2 and 3 above, number 1 will naturally reduce as you see yourself getting better and as symptoms reduce

 

[Cactusflower]

I think there is a general western societal mis-information that just because something hurts, we are unsafe.
Sometimes it hurts because, we hurt. Sometimes it hurts because it needs a rest. Sometimes it hurts because it needs repair.
None of these are unsafe, they just "are".
Perhaps that will give you a little permission to let it hurt and be OK.