Day 11 Friendship

One of the events that preceded my TMS symptoms was in early 2013. I discovered that my newly married best friend was having an affair with his co-worker. At that point, I had been friends with him and his wife for about 18 years. We all grew up together. The details of the affair were messy. It began only 6 months after his wedding. The mistress was pregnant with his child. And he was still secretly seeing his mistress. I was devastated by not only the news of the affair, but also the revelation that he had told all of his family and close friends before he told me weeks later. In the coming days, I found out that there were many occasions where he would tell his wife that he was hanging out with me, but was actually seeing his mistress. Needless to say, his wife had assumed that I was helping him cheat and covering for him. That was obviously not true. I was angry with him, and I was perplexed that he was able to live this secret life for many months. Once I was able to convince his wife that I had known nothing while the affair was happening, I offered to help her move. I felt so bad for her. It wasn't her fault. I felt stuck between the two of them. They were both my good friends. By the time she found a new apartment, they had begun reconciliation.

I am still friendly with them today, but we aren't very close. He doesn't understand why I offered to help move her to a new apartment instead of convincing her to take him back. He wanted me to take his side, even though he was 100% at fault in the matter. It was a stressful time for me, and I felt that I supported each of them the best I could. I had already experienced my parent's divorce a few years prior, so this was opening old wounds for me. I often wonder if I'd still be best friends with him today if this whole thing never happened.

- Matt

 

Hi, Matt. Looks like you have been caught in the middle between your friends. The guy sounds like he doesn't deserve his wife or your friendship. But you are probably like me, and friendship is sacred and I will do all I can to preserve it. I suggest you just go with the flow now and see if their reconciliation works out. My best friend and his wife divorced two years ago and it shook me because my parents divorced when I was seven. I remain
good friends with my male friend but his divorced wife has gone her own way. Try to be patient with both of your friends, and don't let it upset you or give you pain. The relationship trouble is mainly your friends', not yours. Maybe you also could work on a stronger friendship with someone else.