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Friends and TMS

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by Time2be, Oct 29, 2018.

  1. Time2be

    Time2be Well known member

    Lately I had a conversation with a friend, a close friend actually. I was not doing well, we were on a weekend trip and the morning we had to drive home I had bladder pain. First I just told her that I might have to stop more often to go to the toilette. Then in the car I wanted to ask her about dating, how she thinks about it and that I am afraid of dating because of the pain (which most probably will occur when I am exited and a bit anxious). She just said that I should stop talking about my symptoms and emotional issues because people get tired of it. She is tired of it. She accused me of being like my father (who is a really severe case of hypochondriac and TMS). On the one hand I think she is onto something here. Focusing on symptoms by talking about them to friends is feeding the symptoms. And friends are not psychotherapists. On the other hand, are all emotional issues off topic?
    How do you handle this?
    About dating: I always thought I should be in a better state, without relapses, when starting dating. But this is illusionary. Should I just give it a try?
  2. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Time2be,

    Yes, talking about symptoms reinforces worrying about them, which reinforces their existence. However, I also think talking about your fears, your life, your desires with a friend who listens without judgement is very important. There is a difference between the efficacy of obsessing about the future and symptoms (poor) vs being fully heard by a friend (soothing, contactful). It may be she is a little reactive to listening, vs actually meaning to help you with this advice?

    About the dating and fears, yes, part of the work here is to "resume normal activities." The more you let the fear determine what you do, the more you're likely to stay in the same symptom loop.

    Andy B
  3. Time2be

    Time2be Well known member

    Thanks AndyB@, straightforward answers! I think I got the points. I think my friend meant good, however she is not very much into talking about emotional issues anyway. And because I want to get out the symptom loop I will stop talking about it to friends. And dating, let's see ...

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