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Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by plum, Mar 22, 2022.

  1. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    Please, I need your kindness. My lovely, beautiful, kind mum died today and I am heartbroken.
  2. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    Oh, my dear, I am so so sorry and heartbroken for you. Even at my age, 41 years after losing my dear father, and eight years after my amazing mother died at 93, I still feel both losses at my very core. It seems like my mother only left us a short time ago, and I still automatically think about things I want to share with her. There is some comfort in keeping her in my memory like that, and I wish for you that you will reach at least that small amount of comfort eventually.

    Many decades ago, she told me that to her, the prospect of death was like a field of wheat in the fall, at the end of its life, peacefully bending to the wind and enjoying the last of the summer sun.

    Much Love,

    plum likes this.
  3. tgirl

    tgirl Well known member

    Plum, I’m so sorry for your loss. Hugs and love to you Plum. xo
    plum likes this.
  4. Cactusflower

    Cactusflower Beloved Grand Eagle

    Dear Plum:
    I am so very sorry for your loss.
    May you find compassion for yourself and your deep loss.
    Sending you love,
    Cactus Flower
    plum likes this.
  5. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    This is especially poignant because my parents live(d) on the edge of a farm and the living room overlooks a field. Mum would enjoy watching the crops grow. I recall one year the farm grew corn and the field was breathtaking. It reminds me of that exquisite song “Fields of Gold”.
    I spoke to my dad this morning and he said he could imagine her at the window watching the tractors and harvesters chug away. It is a very peaceful scene and I’m grateful that you shared this. It’s bringing me some comfort.
    JanAtheCPA likes this.
  6. Indiana

    Indiana New Member

    Dear Plum
    So sorry for your loss. Loosing ones parents, even though, we know it happens at some point, is very hard. I wish you a lot of strength.
    plum likes this.
  7. Ellen

    Ellen Beloved Grand Eagle

    Dearest Plum,

    I'm so very sorry for your loss. Wishing you peace and hoping your memories of your Mum will provide some comfort.

    You are loved, my dear.
    plum likes this.
  8. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    I feel that love Ellen.
    Bless your sweet and kind heart. x

    Painfully it is Mother’s Day here in the UK on Sunday and we have cancelled the family celebration we had planned. The shops are full of Mothering Sunday gifts and merchandise and it hit me while food shopping today. My brother told me to ‘note the emotions but not indulge in them’. It helps. x
    Baseball65 likes this.
  9. Baseball65

    Baseball65 Beloved Grand Eagle

    -I will go to him, but he will not return to me.”
    2 Samuel 12:23

    I think we get sad because it SEEMS like we are separated, but we never really are.. we will be reunited, and right soon. But just because I know that intellectually, doesn't mean I always feel it.

    That sounds like a formula for symptoms to me.... . I think most of us with TMS have erred to far on the 'note' side and not enough on the 'indulging'.
    I have been missing my Father for 51 years. During the first 25 of those , I noted it like a baseball statistic. I also had horrible TMS.
    Part of being healthy was occasionally (even now ) letting myself feel that. I miss him...But I know too, I will be seeing him shortly and that removes a lot of that hollow feeling in my chest

    hoping you find, peace
    plum likes this.
  10. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    I believe that with all my heart. My mum lost her dad when she was young and so she had befriended death in ways few others seem to. She wasn’t afraid of dying and she knew she would see him and all her lost loved ones again. I know she will be there for me when my time comes and the love of this knowing is exquisite.

    I clarified this with my brother because I think my lack of sleep had addled my recollection. He said he notes the thoughts and let’s them pass. This makes more sense. Especially TMS wise.

    Those moments in the supermarket were a brief time when I reigned my grief in but thus far I have been free with my tears, my missing her (that hollow ache you describe…I feel that so much), and very free with my love for her.

    The shock is softening. It was unexpected and fast but we were all with her. It was beautiful and awful to watch her Soul take flight but there is no more suffering for her and we are spared watching her decline with dementia. This is a huge blessing and I draw much comfort from this.

    Thank you for reminding me to embrace the tumult of emotions. Sometimes it feels overwhelming, to the point of panic but it does pass. And I know it is as natural as a storm that rages then stills to peace.
    Katya and Baseball65 like this.
  11. miffybunny

    miffybunny Beloved Grand Eagle

    I just read saw this and wanted to express my condolences on the loss of your mother Plum. I'm so sorry and sending you lots of love and hugs.
    plum likes this.
  12. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Plum,

    I send you my love and thoughts at this difficult time.

    I've been with Mom, in her 90's, for the last two years of much isolation. I never thought I'd have this time with her. I know each day is precious. And each day might be our last.

    Thank you for sharing this, your heart with the Forum. And thank you for the reminder of what, for now, for me, still remains.

    I am happy for your understanding of a reunion. I am sure your bonds are strong.

    What a precious gift this life is, to have and enjoy our human loving. I know with my father passed, our love, his and mine, does not die.

    With Care,

    plum likes this.
  13. birdsetfree

    birdsetfree Well known member

    I'm so sorry for your loss dear Plum. I hope you find comfort from our little community whom have appreciated you for many years.
    plum likes this.
  14. Dorado

    Dorado Beloved Grand Eagle

    Plum, I am very, very sorry for your loss. I am sending you lots of love and warmth.
    plum likes this.
  15. LaughingKat

    LaughingKat Peer Supporter

    Dear Plum,

    I am so very sorry for your loss. I wish you comfort in your grieving, peace, and sweet memories
    plum likes this.
  16. Sita

    Sita Well known member

    Hi Plum,

    I'm very sorry for your loss. I wish you find some peace in these hard times.

    I know that people don't believe in reincarnation but I do. I had a dear relative, she passed away some time ago. In Europe. She was young, only 49. Every time I used to meditate, at the end of it, I would look into the third eye and imagine her there, in light and love. I also would tell her (mentally) that I loved her. I said: "I love you dearly, I want you to know that we love you!" (my husband and I, she was my husband's relative, more like a sister to him/us).

    It's a technique done for people who passed away so they would feel our love on the other side. And they do. I know that they do feel it. It's an old, ancient technique from yoga/meditation. From India.

    I stopped doing this technique for her because I had a dream a few weeks ago. She came into my dream and gave me her necklace that she was wearing in the dream. She looked happy, younger and was at peace. Then I woke up. After a few nights, my husband told me that he had a dream with her too. Nothing special in his dream but we were so happy. I believe she got our messages of love. And this was really comforting.
    plum likes this.
  17. Mala

    Mala Well known member

    Dearest Plum, I’m so very sorry for your loss. I am thinking about you & send you soft, gentle hugs from my side of the world.

    plum likes this.
  18. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    Thank you Andy, for this gentle and immensely thoughtful reply. I’m grateful that I spent much time with my mum over the years and have many wonderful memories. Most especially I am grateful for the memories made in the last four months of her life when as a family we spent more time together.

    Cherish your mum. Each day is such a precious gift.
  19. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    Bless your sweet heart for these words. My mum nearly died as a child and she had some kind of near death experience. She was always sensitive to other realms but learned not to speak about it for fear of ridicule. As a young woman her father died suddenly and that led her deeper into the world of reincarnation, life after death and other spiritual beliefs. She shared these passions with precious few people and I was one of them.

    Most people didn’t understand her and thought her to be a strange, fiercely private person. She was these things but she was also the kindest, most aware and compassionate soul I have ever encountered. She nursed dying relatives while their own families did nothing and she got no thanks for it. This made her sad but she always put others first. Our culture seems very at odds with this kind of generosity and care but the selfish ways of others didn’t discourage her.

    So your words settle on fertile ground and for that I am grateful to you. It is a relief to be honest about what I believe instead of holding it in check lest modern atheists do their best to bruise it. To each there own.

    Much love x
    Katya and Sita like this.
  20. Cariad

    Cariad Peer Supporter

    Oh dear @plum , I only just read this, so sorry to hear about the loss of your Mum!

    It's lovely that you're writing about her. She sounds like a very special person who led a meaningful life and knew love. And we know she raised a great kid! ;)

    I guess your brother isn't trying to shut you down but to say 'Don't be damaged or undone by your feelings'. Which is rather a TMS point of view, actually! But it is such a strong, instinctive, human reaction to grieve, and it comes in waves at odd times, and a lot of more enlightened cultures find a ritual space around this, as they do around birth... I hope you're finding comfort in your real life, and I hope we are able to 'e-sit' with you in some way - your community here, who know and love you, all holding you in our thoughts right now.

    Nevertheless, I bet you're finding that a strong part of you is stepping up to deal with all the usual admin and arrangements that arise at these times... It's a weird, out of body experience isn't it? The world carrying on when this has happened to you! But I believe that your Mum and you will be in some sort of universal, loving space as you gently take your leave of each other on this plane.

    Be soft and kind with yourself, lovely girl. Thinking of you. Cariad XXX
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