My miserable experience with family is one of my biggest TMS triggers. In addition to TMS I have physical disabilities that cut my life short in my 30s after poorly done surgery, and I saw everyone I cared about slowly start resenting/blaming me and turn away as I have learned is quite common. I've been told a few times "You need to heal all these relationships you damaged". The thing is I didn't do what they claim. I just didn't. It's not even a matter of perspective, the things they claim are just made up victim blaming and revised history. It's like some absurd suburban Game of Thrones where people who hated each other before are pals now that they have someone to rally against. There is no love there. Forgiveness is supposed to be important in healing, but it has always bitten me in the arse and made things worse as they never actually change their behavior or take any responsibility. If I try to meet them in the middle, admit my faults, and try to heal things, they end up just pulling it all to their side and taking my contact as proof they were in the right and I finally admitted that. I gain nothing, feel no better, and regret expending the emotional energy whilst ending up right back at the same strained place. I've done this several times. I have tried to just "accept" this and move on, but its one of those things that is always back there in my mind, the guilt, the doubts (maybe it IS me?) etc. To make it worse I promised my deceased grandfather at his funeral that I'd care for my grandmother, and then my life collapsed medically and financially and I cannot manage myself even, so I feel tremendous guilt there even though she is hateful to me for not taking care of her like he did, while she lives better and healthier than me, is secure financially, and badmouths me to others. All of this and my failed attempts at independence led me to living with my father (many times divorced and not pleasant) and his current wife who hates me and makes it known daily. I believe he accepted me here out of guilt and out of ego leverage over the other side of the family since he was mostly absent in my childhood. As I sit here trying to use TMS mindset to move forward and not lose a once in a lifetime job opportunity that I have been seeking for years so I can get away and have my own life, aware that fear, guilt and all the negative things are fighting me, I feel blocked at every turn. Massive symptoms lying in that "might be TMS but could very well not be) scary zone, debilitating and making me want to just end things quite often, are taking all of my energy and I am getting nowhere. My deepest emotional issues are not solvable as they are all about abandonment and lack of love and I cannot change those people, and at best are just able to be "accepted as the way it is". Is that enough? Is writing off an entire selfish and narcissistic family, knowing they blame and hate me, the cost I have to pay to flush this? I am not sure I can ever not doubt myself, worry I am wrong, worry I will regret not kissing up to them and at least making THEM feel like it's all ok even though it's a one way street. That seems what people claim is the "high road" but all I can think is how it just makes me feel like shit and ultimately hurts me.