At this stage of healing, I get regular flare ups. Then I go in circles figuring out what my subconscious is hiding from me, but I cannot always point something out. Even if I find something and journal it, the pain does not disappear right away. So my perfectionist personality gets pissed off that I spent all this time journalling but I have pain. This week there are a few things happening: i) My mother is visiting for a month: I love her, but she is in an abusive relationship and seeing her reminds me of all the abuse I faced as a child. I don't have any happy memories around her. Could it be that her visit is taking me back to my childhood, and I am feeling enraged? ii) I have a new boss at work: The thought of leaving behind my old boss, and working with someone new might be enraging for my subconscious. I have a big fear of abandonment, resulting from childhood neglect, and this change is enraging me. iii) I have a stressful interview regarding a lifestyle change. That might be causing a lot of anxiety. Now, even after I realize that one or all three of the above might be causing my TMS, the pain persists. My perfectionist personality is pissed off that even though I have addressed the underlying issues first thing in the morning, the pain is here.