Day 8 First real set back

[AndrewThomson]

Hi All,

Since discovering TMS a couple of weeks back I had what could only be described as a "miracle cure". I went from fairly regular pain (albeit not as bad as it has been) to virtually nothing except the odd tightness in my muscles which a stretch or two got rid of.

Yesterday I started back at work after a week off and wouldn't you know it, first day and there is the pain. My issue is in my forearms, which started to ache more than in the previous two weeks. Here is my evidence for why it is TMS:
1. I used a computer just as much during my week off as I did yesterday, so nothing I did at work should have created such a painful response
2. I am in the process of buying a new car, which is stressful
3. The pain is in my forearms, and yet I have mostly been using my TrackBall which uses the thumb i.e different twitch muscles. The sight of the pain isn't congruent with the activity.

I have also started to consider that work itself is a trigger for me. After all, my overuse injury started during a rediculously stressful period at work. Of course I was diagnosed with a physical injury due to over work - but I now know it was not the activity that has caused the ongoing pain, but rather the stress at work compounded with longer-term emotional issues (i.e TMS).

Like many people my job is just to pay the bills. I get no satisfaction from doing it and in fact it is really big downer for me. I am quite demotivated at work, which makes me feel guilty because I used to be ultra-productive. Could this also be exacerbating my problem?

With my experiences with OCD I know that avoiding a trigger is a bad idea as it just reinforces the issue, so am I to assume that the best course of action re: work is to just plug on and try not to make it about pain?

Any support greatly appreciated

Andrew

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Andrew. I really connect with your situation. You are in a job you don't care about, just stay for the pay.
You might even want to quit, but need money to buy a new car.
Your pain comes when you are at work.

It isn't the computer, it's the job. I was in the same boat...

I was editor of a travel magazine for a big nationwide insurance company. I liked the job but hated the company.
I should have stayed 3 minutes but needed the pay so I stayed 3 years. I quit when I began to have the shakes while
in line for morning or afternoon breaks or at lunch. I decided the stresses of working there gave me anxiety and were
making me sick. I quit and began being a fulltime freelance writer of magazine articles and books. I've been at it
for 40 years now and have loved it. Working at home, at my pace, writing on subjects that I enjoy researching and
that I feel are useful to others. Mostly nonfiction books and novels for the 8 to 12 age group and teenagers.

I can't recommend that anyone become a freelance writer anymore because the publishing industry has changed so much
and it's almost impossible to sell articles or books anymore. It also meant 40 years of uncertain income, which was no fun.

But for you, I suggest you make a list of things you like to do or would like to work in. Work that list down to the one main thing
you'd like to work in.

Don't quit your present job, even though it gives you pain. The pain is from TMS, from past or present repressed emotions.
Yours obviously is from present job stress, but that may also have triggered something or some things as far back as your youth.
Mine did. I got severe back pain until I journaled about it and discovered I was repressing anger at my parents and older brother.
When I began to think about all that it led me to figuring they had their own TMS, so I was able to forgive them and that
relieved my back pain.

I also suggest doing something you like while you stay in the job you don't like. Find things that make you happy and feel good.
If you like to write, write about yourself, your life story. You can disguise your name and others' names, and can even get it published
when it's finished, free, at CreateSpace.com

If you like to paint or write songs or anything else creative, do it nights and weekends. It will make your life more meaningful
and you may be able to tolerate your job more.

Meanwhile, SMILE and LAUGH. They create endorphins that make us feel better and relieve worry and anxiety.

Also, live in the present, not in the past or future.

Hang in there. Many people are where you are and we share with each other in these forums.

 

[AndrewThomson]

Thanks Walt,

I was diagnosed with an occupational overuse injury, and it is using computers that brings on the pain. Interestingly it doesn't happen when I am designing or playing video games, only when do my paid work. I often fear that doing my paid work will result in a relapse that will create such significant pain that will prevent me doing the things I like - most of which involve a computer too.

Happy to announce that the pain has subsided over the week. Best today - maybe because I finalised the car purchase last night and go rid of that stressor.