Day 4 First days feel good: hope, trust, happiness but also little fear

Hi everyone,

I finished my 4th exercise right now.

At first a short summary of my pain of the past two years and my treatments:
My pain is, let's say, all in my body but the central parts are my reflux/sour stomach and my left shoulder. Other pain symptoms occur in achilles tendons, groins, fingers, ellbows, back, neck, head. I would describe the "other pain symptoms" as a form of fybromylgia because they are in my opinion caused by tension in my tendons and muscles. For me it is a horrible imagination to have fybromyalgia.
My shoulder pain comes from hard fitness workouts in the past which never healed up and the reflux is caused by stress and alcohol also in the past and also never healed up.
I went to nearly every specialist you can imagine without a result. So my family doctor suggested to go to psychotherapy (autumn 2015). This was the beginning of recognising how wrong I lived my life and how less I enjoyed it. So I learned much about my personality and very slowly step by step my eyes were opened and I changed many things I was doing and THINKING.
But there is/was one problem: the pain. The pain got sometimes better, sometimes worse. And always when it was on a high level I had a deep depression lasting for a few hours or a day. So I tried to find ways to calm me down and then I found Dr. Sarno's book about the mindbody (December 22th 2016).

NOW: I would like to give you a short summary of my state of mind and my physical state:
I tried to go swimming and doing light fitness workouts (maximum 30 minutes). The positive aspect is that the fear is less but not away. The negative one is that I feel pain. But the pain is not that much hard in my head. It's the same pain like before but I am able not to focus it. It's not causing panic attacks.
It feels like I can do everything and I know that in the worst case it hurts. I accept the pain but only because I am hopeful to overcome it. In the past I often had such periods where I was stronger than the pain because my hope was very strong.
I am afraid of getting a fall back. The fear is not strong yet but it is there, I feel it.
The SEProgram helps me to keep hopeful and think positive but what if the pain nevertheless goes away and I am not strong enough to stand it. This is a big problem in my mind. My psychologist has no suggestions for me. I can only help myself by reading things about TMS and doing the SEP.

Maybe I am to critical but I am a "doublechecker" and always need a "Plan B".

I would be grateful to hear from you... suggestions, questions to my personality (I could write a book about it since psychoanalysis ), your stories...

There's one point to add, which in my point of view is very important to understand many things in me: I lost my father when I was 20 years old (now I am 25, pain occured when I was 23). After his sudden death caused by car accident I unconsoiusly suppressed my sadness and tried to be pefect in job and sports (especially muscle gaining) and be good to my friends, mom and girlfriend. Let's say I was/am a mixture of people pleaser and perfectionist.

Thanks for reading.

Hope to hear (read) from you .

Greetings from Germany
Sebastian

 

Welcome to the Forum, Sebastian! Sounds like you are well on your way to recovery as you understand that your symptoms have a psychological cause. And you are doing the SEP which is an excellent way to make progress.

I overcame fibromyalgia after having it for 20 years. If I can do it, anyone can. You can read my story on my profile page or in the Success Stories sub-forum.

Keep us posted on how you are doing. Feel free to ask questions at any time. The more specific you are with your questions, the easier it is for us to answer. We are all here to support one another.

 

Hi Sebastian,

I want you to know that very many people have had very similar experiences and gotten over their pain. I spent $20,000.00 in one year going around to different practitioners and trying everything short of surgery. Just before foot surgery, I found Dr. Sarno, and now I am fine.

http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/skiing-two-years-after.14222/ (Skiing Two Years After)

In my experience, if you apply everything you have learned (are learning) about yourself in psychotherapy to Dr. Sarno's method, you will heal. I did a great deal of personal investigation and was still in terrible pain, until I linked my self-understanding with Dr. Sarno's work. So take heart and know that you're on the right track.

Here is an article on fear:

http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/understanding-and-overcoming-fear.8574/ (Dr. Schubiner's Blog - Understanding and overcoming fear)

You know yourself well. Use this to keep inquiring into "How might my Inner Child be feeling right now?" when you notice pain. Be patient, and know that you are using observation --rather than coercion to change yourself, as the main technique.

Best to you,

Andy B

 

Yeh, it is absolutely not an easy way to dismantle and let go of fear. Especially fear of pain. To really see through fear... It's actually a bloody minds' trick, that's all... Because in fact, what Sarno clearly says: there is nothing wrong with your body. But it can take a while, to see it AND know it AND experience it, that it is truly so, that your body is fine and you too can be pain free 100%.
Just go on, step by step. Enjoy the process as a great opportunity to understand yourself better. As you gather your moments of less pain, more joy in being alive, and not caring so much if there is pain or not, you'll develop more trust, you get stronger inside and build momentum to handle the fear, I am sure!

 

Hi everyone,

Ellen, Andy and Lydia, thank you.

At the moment I feel quite fine (I divided Day 5 into 2 days). The pain is still there but less. After my first days of SEP I spoke with my psychiatrist about TMS and all behind it. By doing my SEP I explored several feelings which I already dicussed with my psychiatrist but I think that I feel them deeper now. I have the imagination that I come closer to "my middle". My self-findung process began already before knowing about TMS but I think learning and working about/with TMS helps me to come more closer. It feels great to see how my personality changes in a positive way. I do things more like I want to instead of doing it like I think I have to. Today in the morning I made a small fitness workout about 30 minutes. At the beginning the pain was quite strong and I had fear but I remembered everything I learned and know about TMS. I have the imagination that one day the pain is spontaneously away. So I went on and it became less. The feeling after the workout was a mixture of fear (because I really had pain and strange feelings in my arm, shoulder and head ) and relief (because I did it to the end and was proud of myself). But I could overcame the fear because I went on with normal activities like doing housework, enjoying the sun and so on. After having a great evening with my friends I am now back at home and feel happiness and love in me . That's great...

Ellen, I have read your story and I am happy that you left pain behind you. I absorbed some of your sentences like a sponge and will keep them in mind. It is great that I may ask you questions. I think I will contact you especially if I have questions concerning your thoughts concerning fibromyalgia (I hate this word ). This would be a big support for me.

Andy, wow. This is much money. But I think it does not matter, the only thing to point out is the fact that you are fine now. I am glad for you . Thanks for your links. I really ask me questions like "How might my Inner Child be feeling right now?" when I feel pain. At the moment they help me to calm down if I have doubt. I am happy that it works and hope that it will be working in the future. You see, there's still fear in me.

Lydia, I am convinced of the step by step theory to overcome fear. In my imagination it seems to be like a learning process to reprogram parts of my brain. If I show my body what he is able to do my brain will recognize it. I hope that the reprogramming by doing short but constant steps will be successful .

Greetings
Sebastian

 

Hi, Sebastian. It looks like you are making excellent progress. You are recognizing the emotions causing your pain. TMS is definitely a matter of reprogramming the mind to believe in TMS. Tell yourself that you feel better today than you did yesterday or a week ago.