Finding strength in your weakness

[North Star]

We made it! My baby girl was married on Saturday and hubby and I are recuperating. It's been an intense month of planning and preparation. And just to make it more fun, we hosted it at our home and did most of the food too. I am VERY grateful the weather was lovely since it was outside.

In spite of the hectic pace, I've been continuing Dr. Schubiner's 28-day program to Unlearn Your Pain. I highly recommend it. The SEP here was helpful as well but since my symptoms persist, I know there's more work to be done.

I've had a few head-slapping realizations thanks to this book and the wedding. The biggie- the conflict in my mind. (No wonder Dr. Sarno titled his one book, "The Divided Mind"!)

Planning a wedding is a perfect opportunity for my super ego to step in and attempt to mercilessly control everything. More than once, I had to shut that little dictator up with a "LET IT GO!"

The other big conflict was the interactions with my m-i-l. I get furious with her and then get furious with myself for getting furious with her. Back and forth the tennis ball flies over the net. It's a wicked little game and its physical manifestation, I realize now, is in my achilles.

My achilles has been the most difficult and crippling aspect of my TMS. And throughout this wedding, I've been dealing with frank swelling and a lot of stiffness that makes walking difficult and painful.

The achilles is the strongest and longest tendon in the body. And for me, it has become my greatest weakness. (Just like the myth talks about.)

I have always been a fairly intuitive and perceptive person. If you're a Star Trek fan, think Deanna Troi. That's me - that's one of my greatest strengths. I can sniff out trouble brewing or a hurting soul. I can also be horribly critical when I do see things - there's the weakness. And it's all intertwined into the package that is…ME!

And there's the conflict. Instead of observing and allowing annoyances to just float on by, as Claire Weekes suggests, I hang on to them. And then I beat myself up over the negativity.

The swelling of my achilles testifies to the intensity of the battle. (And in case you're wondering, this has all been checked out by doctors and they can find no reason for the issues.)

I'm learning this: I can allow those emotions to speak their piece. But then they need to move along. Subsequent negative dialog needs to be kicked in the head.

And then…I can hear Walter saying this…I need to find something to laugh over. Or, if the moment is right, offer a word of encouragement to either myself or the person with whom I find myself conflicted over.

If you're still with me on this lengthy diatribe…thanks for hanging in there and listening! I'd love to hear what conflicts you've identified that may be a force in your TMS.

Love to all!
xo
NS

 

[Tennis Tom]

...Back and forth the tennis ball flies over the net. It's a wicked little game and its physical manifestation, I realize now, is in my achilles.

If your opponent has a big serve, get your own big serve. If you're injured, get the points over early with quick winners.

 

[North Star]

Tennis Tom, I actually thought of you when I was thinking of that little word picture. What a great game strategy! TMS has gotten used to dealing some pretty big serves.

 

[Tennis Tom]

Tennis Tom, I actually thought of you when I was thinking of that little word picture. What a great game strategy! TMS has gotten used to dealing some pretty big serves.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, North Star. I'm so glad the wedding went so well. You can thank yourself for being such a terrific mom and hosting the home party.
Your MIL was probably really jealous that you played such a big part in the success.

You may feel a bit of a letdown after the busy, eventful weekend, and also a little loss feeling in your baby leaving the nest.
Think of how happy you helped make her.

Now take your time getting all those plates and glasses sparkling clean.

 

[North Star]

Walt, I already have the house spic and span as of noon yesterday. Is it any wonder I am so tired today? I washed and folded 4 loads of linens and got everything buttoned up to go back to the caterers. (Big lasagna pans are pain to wash!) Yeah, I can be a bit driven.

I've started telling my self to send light and love to my MIL when I think of her. Really, overall, she's a decent woman who wants the best for her family like any other mom/grandma. It's all of her funky twisty thinking (with no allowance for any other reality) that drives me so daft. But like you mentioned before, I look forward to moving out of this city so there can be plenty of miles between us.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Having lasagna catered was a great idea. I love lasagna.
And you've got the house back looking great, so yes, no wonder you feel tired.

You're starting to rethink your MIL and accept that she's quirky. Lots of people are, of any age.
Soon you'll be out of her sphere of influence.

Enjoy the "now," time time relax and do some deep breathing after the busy time you've been through.

 

[Mala]

North Star. I'm so happy things went well at your daughters wedding.


My MIL never even gave me a chance. The minute she found out I was Indian, that was it. I went to visit her in Surrey when my husband & I decided to get married to get her blessings but she couldn't get past the race thing. Or at least that was her excuse. This is despite the fact that she & my FIL worked in India & got married there. Also she was Irish & he was English -not easy in her day.

For 2 years after our marriage my husband didn't want to have anything to do with her but then I forced him to phone her & ask how she was doing. She was his ma after all. He would go back to see her but I was completely out of the picture which was fine by me- in fact it was good that way.

My own mother gave me a pretty rough time at my wedding. I was doing all the planning with my sister but it was all about her. I walked out of her house 6 days before the wedding after getting completely fed up, told her the wedding was over & went back to my own place & refused to speak to anyone for 2 days. She realised that she had crossed the line. On the day on the wedding she threw a tantrum coz she couldn't put her sari on properly. I got up really angry kicked my chair over & told her to wind her neck in or I would leave. Then I told the lady who was doing me up to go sort her out first.

My mom drives me nuts becoz we think so unlike each other but I still do love her a lot which makes for a relationship that is difficult. I tell myself that she isn't going to change now & that I need to be more accepting of the situation. Not easy & sometimes very enraging.

Sometimes its not a bad idea to just get angry. There is a time & place for that too especially when u r being bullied..

I do remember Dianna Troy. Yes she had this amazing power to sense things but she was also if I remember correctly very sensitive & vulnerable. Perferct TMS traits.

I hope u r having a long deserved rest.

Mala

 

[North Star]

Whoa Mala! What a trip! Family drama is always a huge challenge; good for your for setting your boundaries. One of my issues has been that I'm too darn nice and then I get furious with myself for not speaking up. The conflict crap that drives TMS.

Weddings certainly have a way of bringing out the worst in people. A time of love…ha!

Here we are nearly one week from the event and we are still pretty thrashed. It doesn't help that now we're moving forward with listing our house with a real estate agent. We tried to try it ourselves, as we have done with a handful of other properties, but had no nibbles the past few weeks. It is time to move on!

We may actually take a road trip for that long deserved rest.