Took me a few days to get to Day 2, been busy at work and of course had a great 250th celebration! Over the past few days I listened to all of The Way Out, and I really appreciate Alan Gordon’s approach. I’ve already gone through two of Sarno’s books twice. I definitely find I prefer Gordon’s book more than Sarno’s personally, as he gives a lot more advice for action in the midst of pain. Sarno seems more tough love, whereas Gordon is a lot more gentle. I absolutely need both approaches though. Sarno gives a better explanation, and frankly had better knowledge of the core issue of TMS and chronic pain, but Gordon gives calm, actionable steps for dealing with pain in the moment. I was listening to the book on a 4 hour long bike ride yesterday, and was having some back pain, as well as hip pain at different points. I blended their approaches, leaning more heavily into Gordon’s practice. I joked with my brain, saying it’s silly that you’re now trying to take biking away from me too (in my first post I talked about how I can bike almost entirely pain free for hours, but sitting in a car for 30 seconds gives me pain). I doubled down on it, saying, “Hey brain, I think you’re confused right now because my left side hurts and it’s actually my right side that’s supposed to be in pain. I’m calling you out”. I observed my pain, I didn’t try to fix it. I wasn’t mad at myself, my unconscious, my back, the dang boots that “caused” this injury. I simply was acknowledging that I felt it, but that is it; and I wouldn’t let it prevent me from doing what I wanted to do. I really do like Gordon’s explanation of Somatic Tracking. When you don’t set a goal in it, all pressure is off, and you’re really allowing yourself to simply be and experience it.
At work the other day we had a public service call, and we upgraded for another crew to help us lift someone through their house. It went well and I was fine the entire time. But then my coworker joked at me about “saving your back” (no one at work knows about my chronic pain). Instantly I started feeling the pain, the ache. I wasn’t thinking about it during the call, while we were carrying someone through a house, only when I became aware again of my debilitating fear of back pain. I didn’t have the calmness in the moment to remind myself that the experience of having pain come on by a “trigger word” makes it entirely obvious it is psychological in nature. I’ll try to remember next time!
A big things that’s been on my heart lately is how this affects other people. I’ve got so many older coworkers, middle-aged coworkers, etc. who have chronic pain issues. One, who is in his late 30’s says he screwed up his neck at work over three years ago. Sarno would call BS on that! He says he has to go to the chiropractor every week, otherwise he can’t function, and has pretty much given in to the idea that he’ll live in pain. He’s had a rough go at life as of late, and struggles a lot mentally and is very outspoken about it. It’s great he is open about his problems and sees a therapist, but I really do believe he’s not getting at the core issues. I want to talk about TMS to him, and really everyone at work, as “injuries”, surgery, pain, etc. is pretty much expected by most everyone in my line of work. I want to change that. Maybe this past year and change of pain is preparing me for helping people throughout my entire career. I want to make sure this works obviously, I want to be an example for them so I can say, “Hey, you don’t have to believe some stranger on the internet, because I’m living proof it works”. For that reason I’ll hold back on sharing TMS, but I look forward to when I can.
I titled this “Finding Balance” because I’m becoming very aware of my tendency to information overload. I love knowledge, I love figuring out the root cause, particularly when it involves my health! I don’t want to overdo the education part of this. Becoming educated is huge for TMS, but I can’t “outwork” the root cause, being unconscious rage, with an encyclopedia-like knowledge. I still need to spend the mushy hours with my thoughts, writing out my emotions. I find it hard to stay consistent with it, I believe this being another protective measure by my unconscious. I’m trying to tease out the emotions it’s using pain to protect me from! Even this morning when doing the “3 things that make me mad, 3 things that make me sad” I had a lot of discovery. It took me no time at all to write down what made me mad. It’s funny that I never considered myself a “mad” or “angry” person, yet when I evaluate my life that may be the emotion I feel most commonly. I struggled with the sad emotions at first, thinking I was more so just mad at everything and everyone. When I really took some time I realized I have some very deep-seated sadness in my life, and maybe this sadness, in part, branches off into anger, or at least fertilizes the soil in which anger grows. I’m realizing it’s easy to blame circumstances, instead of the emotional stance of your mind, for lack of fulfillment in life. I’ve been chasing goals assuming they’d make me happy, only to achieve them nearly every time and feel not better, if not worse knowing that I don’t feel the joy I expected. Oh the joy of the TMS journey!
At work the other day we had a public service call, and we upgraded for another crew to help us lift someone through their house. It went well and I was fine the entire time. But then my coworker joked at me about “saving your back” (no one at work knows about my chronic pain). Instantly I started feeling the pain, the ache. I wasn’t thinking about it during the call, while we were carrying someone through a house, only when I became aware again of my debilitating fear of back pain. I didn’t have the calmness in the moment to remind myself that the experience of having pain come on by a “trigger word” makes it entirely obvious it is psychological in nature. I’ll try to remember next time!
A big things that’s been on my heart lately is how this affects other people. I’ve got so many older coworkers, middle-aged coworkers, etc. who have chronic pain issues. One, who is in his late 30’s says he screwed up his neck at work over three years ago. Sarno would call BS on that! He says he has to go to the chiropractor every week, otherwise he can’t function, and has pretty much given in to the idea that he’ll live in pain. He’s had a rough go at life as of late, and struggles a lot mentally and is very outspoken about it. It’s great he is open about his problems and sees a therapist, but I really do believe he’s not getting at the core issues. I want to talk about TMS to him, and really everyone at work, as “injuries”, surgery, pain, etc. is pretty much expected by most everyone in my line of work. I want to change that. Maybe this past year and change of pain is preparing me for helping people throughout my entire career. I want to make sure this works obviously, I want to be an example for them so I can say, “Hey, you don’t have to believe some stranger on the internet, because I’m living proof it works”. For that reason I’ll hold back on sharing TMS, but I look forward to when I can.
I titled this “Finding Balance” because I’m becoming very aware of my tendency to information overload. I love knowledge, I love figuring out the root cause, particularly when it involves my health! I don’t want to overdo the education part of this. Becoming educated is huge for TMS, but I can’t “outwork” the root cause, being unconscious rage, with an encyclopedia-like knowledge. I still need to spend the mushy hours with my thoughts, writing out my emotions. I find it hard to stay consistent with it, I believe this being another protective measure by my unconscious. I’m trying to tease out the emotions it’s using pain to protect me from! Even this morning when doing the “3 things that make me mad, 3 things that make me sad” I had a lot of discovery. It took me no time at all to write down what made me mad. It’s funny that I never considered myself a “mad” or “angry” person, yet when I evaluate my life that may be the emotion I feel most commonly. I struggled with the sad emotions at first, thinking I was more so just mad at everything and everyone. When I really took some time I realized I have some very deep-seated sadness in my life, and maybe this sadness, in part, branches off into anger, or at least fertilizes the soil in which anger grows. I’m realizing it’s easy to blame circumstances, instead of the emotional stance of your mind, for lack of fulfillment in life. I’ve been chasing goals assuming they’d make me happy, only to achieve them nearly every time and feel not better, if not worse knowing that I don’t feel the joy I expected. Oh the joy of the TMS journey!