Finally "growing up"!

All,

Disclaimer, this is my first post, as I am finally after many..many...many...years of being a devote TMS believer reaching out to others in this forum. (I am trying to man-up here!) When I first read Sarnos books years ago, I was reading a perfect representation of myself in page over page. Unbelievable and I was instantly convinced, but didn't share with others as most people aren't opened minded in today's society.

I realized I had been "dealing" with TMS for 20+ years, and now in my 40's feel physically better than in my 20's. I literally would barely get around feeling like I had the back of a 100yr old or something (no offense to the older generation).

I have flare ups/relapses periodically, but a week ago after finishing a 12 mile run, I had a set back. The run was great, no pain just soreness which is typical. I then proceeded to do some minor stretches when I apparently had a great "low back spasm". I could not bend and the tie my shoes or anything normal. Stupid right! I 100% know this is TMS as my run was flawless, and I currently put in 100 miles a week running. So I tried to reflect on circumstances and events currently in my life, but had to give in. I went to the doc for a steroid shot, pain killer...muscle relaxer....you know the routine. All with no effect. It had been a while since I had such a relapse and my job requires traveling that I needed some "relief quickly ".

Well fast forward to yesterday 1 week ago since my "phantom spasm" I wake up with literally no spasm pain, but now my left leg was numb from the knee thru my calf. Again, TMS shifting thru the body....AND I SHOULD KNOW THIS ALREADY! I just feel like a failure to myself for not being able to accept this in a deeper level.

Which brings me to here and now. I have read the posts here in this forum for some time, read books, listened to audio and video talks by the great Forest/Steve O...etc...and truly believe. I am hoping "sucking it up" and actually reaching out to others will help me with this latest phase in my lifetime TMS experiences.

I think this site is so helpful and have much love for everyone out here, and hope that all of you are doing well. I appreciate this opportunity to post my thoughts and a little bit of venting and whining on my part as well. I feel that here I have friends that I can reach out to going forward vs trying to battle this "crap" all by myself.

God Bless everyone!

 

Hi Hikerguy,

Welcome to the discussion part of the Forum! I wonder how you feel sticking your neck out and sharing.

I guess it might be helpful to know what kind of support you would like. I hope you're not afraid to ask for specifics!

This is something which jumped out at me, since I am so aware of the Inner Critic:

It may be helpful to see this as an attack from the superego, and disengage/ignore this message. It is easy for us to criticize ourselves when we're in pain. Blaming ourselves can become second nature. Seeing this self rejection for what it is, and not going along with it is a powerful practice!

As far as your progress goes, Dr. Sarno himself speaks of times when he'd have mindbody stuff, and have to ponder over it for awhile. And he was not against pain meds when needed. No one is a superman.

Good luck in your work, and I hope you continue to engage and participate as you like.

Andy B