Finally an explanation for the past 8 years of my life? Or not….

[Improvery]

Hi everyone, after years of pain and long term injuries I can’t seem to heal from, I finally found some information on TMS. This after both my family doctor and physical therapist mentioned chronic pain to me.
The fact I am dealing with pain for the past 8 years AND have 2 chronic injuries for over 4 years already definitely means I’ve been dealing with chronic pain… TMS might be an explanation for how my body has been behaving, yet still I have my doubts if this truly is TMS or chronic pain, or just injuries that really messed up the structural integrity of muscles/tendons/nerves and surgery might be a legit option.
I’d like to share my story.
Maybe someone can chime in. I am a 32 year old man. Honestly I need some kind of break thru. I really feel lost and at rock bottom. I cannot keep living like this.

The original text I was going to post contained over 1800 words and I figured nobody would even bother to read it all. So I tried condensing it. Still super long lol...

Zero health problems at younger age. My only passion in life is being active, either while hitting the gym doing calisthenics or bodybuilding, hiking outdoors, going for a run, walking and exploring, gardening or fishing.

I was forced to go to university by my parents even while absolutely hating studying. After 6 hard years of blood sweat and tears I obtained a diploma. After graduating, I only thought about getting an ‘OK-ish‘job while still being able to enjoy my hobbies. While working in my field of study, I always thought I’d eventually do something else like becoming a police officer or becoming a gardener, personal coach or even tour guide.

Started my first job in 2018. 5 months in started getting serious low back pain. Keep in mind my job required me standing upright, yet mostly still for almost 6-7 hours a day.

Also important; work itself was a massive letdown. The coworkers were bad, and I went the extra mile to fix everything, taking on extra projects and tasks, in hope of being the good ‘new guy’ and get respect. That all never happened.

I immediately took the back pain very bad mentally since this influenced all my hobbies. Had to put a hold on running, pain during all other activities. All kinds of medical imaging, nothing was found. I got extremely frustrated and sad. My overall strength and resilience started slowly declining since I wasn’t running anymore, and going a lot less to the gym.

Mid 2020: golfers elbow and ulnar nerve irritation(= cubital tunnel syndrome) after using a chainsaw 6 hours a day for 5 days straight. The start of 2 horrible years. The ulnar nerve gave symptoms along the entire arm. My forearm was throbbing, pain, tingling, numb pinky and ring finger. I again became completely obsessed with this injury, looking up exercises online, nerve flosses, stretches. I had an MRI, nerve conduction test that all came back clear. 18 months of PT with zero improvement. On top of dealing with my back. The stress and frustration further mounted. I was debating surgery for the cubital tunnel syndrome but due to the imaging results, surgery was not an immediate option and kept being postponed. Full blown depression mid-2021, not wanting to live like this anymore due to the pain and no joy anymore in life.. Strangely enough, at work I was mainly having insane back pain, while the elbow nerve didn't bother me that much. Once home, the elbow nerve would often times start hurting way more.

September 2022. Burn out because of massive stress at work and the 2 injuries I had.

Within 2 months of being home on sick leave, my low back pain I had for almost 3,5 years was completely gone. And the cubital nerve symptoms had improved 75%. Turns out standing upright 6-7 hours a day without barely moving wrecks your back (shocker right?). This is a reason for me to believe TMS was NOT applicable to me. To this day, the nerve is still a weak point and might get pissed off once in a while, but completely manageable and a lot less pain and less long than before.

December 2022: I managed to injure my front shoulder, returning to the gym after a long hiatus thanks to the elbow. I lifted way too heavy way too soon, thinking I was still at my all-time high. I had an acute jolt of pain.
This shoulder injury is still present to this day and has taken over my life.
Ever since I’ve had multiple opinions with over 3 specialist doctors, 2 MRIs (of which the last one showed a completely healthy shoulder) and ultrasound which showed only a little bit of scarring around the biceps and biceps pulley. Cortisone shots in shoulder joint and biceps groove that did not help at all. I did over 2,5 years of PT for my shoulder. Up to this day.
I am not healed at all and unable to do my hobbies pain free. I looked at this injury as some kind of sick joke the Universe is playing with me, having just recovered from the low back and elbow.
I again became completely obsessed with this injury, looking up exercises online, online PT’s on Youtube etc.
In the past 18 months, I’ve also started dealing with other pains and aches in the shoulder region, mainly the shoulder blade muscles, neck and upper back pain/tightness.

Found a new job January 2023.

March 2023 misplaced my foot while hiking and hurt my Achilles tendon. Took 6 months to heal. Is healed completely.

April 2024 a hamstring injury in the gym. Acutely overstretched something. Could barely walk 5 minutes. Lots of burning in the back of my upper leg, especially behind the knee. Could barely sit 10 minutes. I had ultrasound and an MRI which showed nothing. I’m having burning in my leg and behind the knee after running sessions and when sitting for over 30 minutes (which is like daily). PT also did not help. This injury is also still present to this day.

…..I’ve been led to believe by my GP that I am dealing with chronic pain.

I don’t know. The shoulder and hamstring were 2 very acute injuries were I had serious pain and discomfort for months, before they became a more mellow throbbing pain instead of a sharp pain yet still are very localized and activity related. PT has been a failure, despite having done PT for years. My entire life the past years has been work- eat – rehab for injuries at PT – sleep- repeat.

The shoulder showed some scarring on ultrasound. The top orthopedic shoulder surgeon in my country told me 2 times I should be able to do everything. The third visit he proposed a possible surgery if things didn’t improve.

I do know I have been in a state of pain and injuries for 8 straight years, which has severely impacted my mental health and stress levels. I always wanted to do some kind of other, more physical job, and these injuries are threatening my entire future this way. I do believe my ‘pain system’ might be completely dysregulated. I have been obsessed with all injuries from the get go.

On the other hand, PT keeps inflaming the injuries, and being a complete couch potato actually makes all pain go away within a week. The pain really seems to be triggered by loading the structures. I’m currently debating picking up the phone and scheduling a shoulder artroscopy.

A long story that feels bad writing down. I haven’t done much the last 8 years except work and deal with injuries it seems.

Don’t know if TMS therapy will help, but taking into account it’s already been 8 years, maybe 2-3 months of giving this a chance is the least I can do.

 

[Rabscuttle]

TMS is chronic pain. All pain is generated in the brain, whether it’s TMS or structural, doesn’t matter. You can still have structural abnormalities and they not be responsible for the pain.

the main overarching key to all this is belief in TMS diagnosis (I’m not broken, this pain is created by the brain and can stop)

what causes this situation varies from person to person.

do I think you’re a tmser? Yeah absolutely. Your post screams it.

start with the structured educational program on this site and read a book by Sarno to get some more foundation. What will actually get you out of this varies person to person.

some key things that helped me were spiritual based non guided meditation and addressing my very poor internal monologue. Find some joy in your life. Start resuming some old activities you lost, be social, etc.

and just some other things since I read your post in more detail. The pain going away on sick leave isn’t really indicative of structural back pain. If your job was stressful and creating misery then it tracks that the brain would chill out a bit while on leave, since the cause of the stress was gone. You returned to the gym and lifted too heavy, yeah that initial injury could be true and structural. It could also be your exercise obsession triggers your brain. I imagine there’s a lot of shame regarding your self worth and appearance, and fitness is how you alleviate that (as indicated by your passions all being related to it). This is something very common in this space but absolutely something that needs to be addressed (I struggle to!)

 

[Ellen]

I haven’t done much the last 8 years except work and deal with injuries it seems.

I agree with everything @Rabscuttle has said above. You have TMS and are in the right place to address it. I highlight the above sentence because TMS is an avoidance technique. Doing the Structured Education Program recommended above will help you identify what you are avoiding and why. Then you can go about addressing it. It takes courage and commitment, but will change your life in lasting and beneficial ways.

Best wishes to you on your recovery journey. Thanks for sharing your story with us.

 

[Booble]

I mean....it's so classically TMS......

Quickie rundown:
The thing you love most in the world is physical activity.
You were forced by parents to go to college which you found grueling and awful.
You got a job that you don't like and probably still feels a little like what your parents forced you into.
PAIN!
Can no longer do the things you love!
On sick leave you got better.

"Aha," says the TMS lizard brain inside of you, "I've got you now."

The good news is that from the outside looking in, the anger and rage that you suppressed and that your TMS is brain is protecting you from fully experiencing is pretty clear.
I think you will have very good luck at solving this once you dig in.

Enjoy the journey!

 

[Improvery]

Hi Rabscuttle,

Thank you very much for responding.

My biggest challenge will be 100% believing it's my pain system that is dysregulated. Trying to ditch the idea I'm stuck with lifelong tendinopathy.
I know they found some things on my shoulder MRI (the first one at least) and the most recent ultrasound, yet indeed, it is 100% possible these findings aren't even responsible for my pain.

I've done enough research , watched more shoulder related PT vids on Youtube than I watched Netflix, read enough anatomy on shoulders in the last years (which is a symptom on its own) to have found out there's people with zero pain, zero symptoms, getting a shoulder MRI for medical research, which showed these people had all kinds of injuries. Yet they did not have any pain.

Findings on medical imaging is indeed never 100% guaranteed to influence actual day to day life.

And yes, I got a lot of self confidence from the gym, and was self concious about my appearance for years, having been a very scrawny guy my entire life. I just like working out too.
And next to that, having ADHD, I also found a lot of fun in activities that involve physical labour. Fishing, gardening, a total change of my path in life, ditching my science background and just becoming a gardener or even personal trainer, joining the police force,...
Idk, it's difficult to stay positive. It might just really be messed up tendons. But still, I'm going to to commit to the Structured Education Program[/QUOTE]

 

[Improvery]

I mean....it's so classically TMS......

The good news is that from the outside looking in, the anger and rage that you suppressed and that your TMS is brain is protecting you from fully experiencing is pretty clear.
I think you will have very good luck at solving this once you dig in.

Enjoy the journey!

Thanks for responding Booble.

Yeah, I get what you are saying, yet there's only one thing stuck in my mind, like you mentioned;

The thing you love most in the world is physical activity.
You were forced by parents to go to college which you found grueling and awful.
You got a job that you don't like and probably still feels a little like what your parents forced you into.
PAIN!

.... But in between
You got a job that you don't like and probably still feels a little like what your parents forced you into.
There has always been some kind of physical strain or straight up acute injury
PAIN!

...While me getting better very quickly in my back and elbow on sick leave after having pain for years really points to TMS, I was not just chilling in my sofa when I felt something snap in my shoulder or hamstring... These were very acute injuries doing stupid stuff in the gym, lifting way too heavy or overstretching a tight hamstring.
Both these injuries really hurt in the moment and took about 4-6 months to loose their 'sharp' edge pain-wise. It's still in my mind 24/7 that I must have permanently messed up my tendons somehow. Yet imaging is all positive-ish. But PT makes it worse.

I can no longer do the things I love indeed.

Maybe I had a combination of TMS and legit injury, idk. I only know I'm taking the pain really badly, am pre-occupied with the pain and the injuries, and no injury with positive imaging should be still hurting 4-5 years later.

Anger, rage, frustration and anxiety is at ath indeed.

Going to dive in my lizard brain regarding TMS!

 

[Booble]

...While me getting better very quickly in my back and elbow on sick leave after having pain for years really points to TMS, I was not just chilling in my sofa when I felt something snap in my shoulder or hamstring... These were very acute injuries doing stupid stuff in the gym, lifting way too heavy or overstretching a tight hamstring.
Both these injuries really hurt in the moment and took about 4-6 months to loose their 'sharp' edge pain-wise. It's still in my mind 24/7 that I must have permanently messed up my tendons somehow. Yet imaging is all positive-ish. But PT makes it worse.

What I have learned (the hard way!) is that the TMS often sneaks in with completely legitimate injuries or illness. When our bodies are doing their repair work, all kinds of chemicals and processes are taking place in our bodies. Some of those chemicals are known, via scientific research, to cause in certain people anxiety or depression or other physical symptoms (described in layman's terms as like an allergy to your sickness/healing). And then we get STUCK in that mode even when we are better. So with all of that in mind, here's what I think happens:

Illness or Injury
Healing Process Begins
Chemicals created
Body/Brain reaction

For most people it ends there. Healed.

BUT with TMS, the lizard brain notices what's happening and notices an opportunity to keep you down (and in its mind safe and comfy).
We then get stuck in that Body/Brain reaction spot.
We worry. We worry. We worrry.
We probably, though I don't know if this is true scientifically or not, keep creating some of those chemicals.
It feels never ending. We feel stuck.
That's when people sometimes get bed bound. Or housebound.
We don't see any light at the end of the tunnel.
Our vision of ourselves becomes one who is sick or as someone with pain.
And our body obliges to create that vision of ourselves as our reality.

What to do?
One has to SNAP out of it. One has to know, I'm good. My body has healed. I feel bad, but I'm OK. I hurt, but my body is perfectly fine and perfectly safe.
I can continue living. I can shed all of that.

One little secret trick is that when you start to envision yourself pain free, you have to be careful to use POSITIVE words.
Our minds and bodies will work to create the picture of yourself that you give it but, and this IS research based, it doesn't pick up on the negative words.
So when you say to yourself:
"I'm not sick."
It doesn't see the "not" in that sentence. If you take that out, what do you get?
So instead you have to use sentences like:
"I'm healthy."

I got snapped out of a cycle like this (after a bad cold/virus) from an old ENT doctor putting his hand on my shoulder and saying, "You are fine. There's nothing wrong with you. You feel worse than you are." And those words validated to me that it was OK for me to start to shed my image of myself as being really sick with something really wrong that might kill me. It still took another 3 or 4 or 5 months before I was back fully to my normal baseline but I could eat again. I could get up. I could go out and take a walk and I knew I was OK.

Wishing you the best. Your injuries HAVE healed. You are OK. You feel, worse than you are. You are safe to go live.

 

[Volcano1963]

These were very acute injuries doing stupid stuff in the gym, lifting way too heavy or overstretching a tight hamstring

Hi Improvery. Welcome to the wiki. I had a similar experience. During a strength training session i injured my right groin. After doctor referral to PT, then 1 year with PT (and piezowave therapy) with no relief, PT encouraged me to get MRI because she was convinced i had a torn labrum. MRI showed swelling but no scar no tear. Then my Dad, who i had been caregiving 24/7 died and my groin injury disappeared and i got a paralyzing sciatica on the other leg. It was all TMS. I still get my groin pain but i’ve been getting closer and closer to seeing/watching what mental “states” (for lack of a better description) are associated with its onset. After reading Sarno books, doing the SEP (and psychotherapy) i am back in the gym pain free.
Good luck on your path!

 

[Adam Coloretti (coach)]

While me getting better very quickly in my back and elbow on sick leave after having pain for years really points to TMS, I was not just chilling in my sofa when I felt something snap in my shoulder or hamstring... These were very acute injuries doing stupid stuff in the gym, lifting way too heavy or overstretching a tight hamstring.
Both these injuries really hurt in the moment and took about 4-6 months to loose their 'sharp' edge pain-wise. It's still in my mind 24/7 that I must have permanently messed up my tendons somehow. Yet imaging is all positive-ish. But PT makes it worse.

That's actually wild because I literally did the exact same thing. Acute scapula injury lifting and a hamstring injury lifting way too heavy on a warm up that led to 6 years of chronic hamstring pain (right up in the origin on the sit bone). I had very mild findings on scan too. Nothing worked until I found this work.

Literally thought I was reading my own story, how interesting. I similarly obtained those injuries whilst at university studying something that might not in hindsight have been what I really wanted to do.

It does sound like TMS though, irrespective of my experience. Happy to help if I can given the similarities

 

[JanAtheCPA]

One little secret trick is that when you start to envision yourself pain free, you have to be careful to use POSITIVE words.

@Improvery, I'm going to add to this good advice with a very specific suggestion, which is that you banish the word "injury" from your vocabulary. Cold turkey. The majority of what you have described only barely qualifies, and several of your incidents don't qualify as injuries at all. Our bodies were designed to heal. The whole concept of "overuse" in young healthy individuals is based on the human desire to catastrophize and fear the worst-case outcome. This is what I refer to as "our brains on TMS".

I'm 75, and I've had perhaps more than my share of sport-related broken bones, so I am no stranger to injuries. Like your Achilles injury
I assumed they would heal, and they did, even though a few were pretty serious at the time. The rest of my lifetime of chronic symptoms turned out to be TMS.

The words you use have power. Booble is saying the same thing.

 

[Improvery]

Illness or Injury
Healing Process Begins
Chemicals created
Body/Brain reaction

For most people it ends there. Healed.

BUT with TMS, the lizard brain notices what's happening and notices an opportunity to keep you down (and in its mind safe and comfy).
We then get stuck in that Body/Brain reaction spot.
We worry. We worry. We worrry.
We probably, though I don't know if this is true scientifically or not, keep creating some of those chemicals.
It feels never ending. We feel stuck.
That's when people sometimes get bed bound. Or housebound.
We don't see any light at the end of the tunnel.


.....One little secret trick is that when you start to envision yourself pain free, you have to be careful to use POSITIVE words......

Thank you for your message Booble.

I'll be re-reading it a lot in my journey.

Yes, definetely. Worry, worry, worry and worry some more. And then some more.

Indeed, my own wordings and thoughts are especially negative. Genre: 'see, this is for life', 'I'll never get better', 'I'll never be able to enjoy my hobbies anymore', 'I am permanently affected', etc. Quite literally the opposite of being my own supporter.

Really need to use more positive wording in my thougths. Especially since most imaging has been rather positive-ish. Maybe someone with a more positive outlook in life would have been extremely glad with the same imaging results, thinking 'Oh nice, ok it's looking rather positive'. But I've been dealing with too much for too long, and it has completely taken over my mood and mental resilliance. Need to snap out of it, break out of it somehow.

Thanks again and take care

 

[Improvery]

That's actually wild because I literally did the exact same thing. Acute scapula injury lifting and a hamstring injury lifting way too heavy on a warm up that led to 6 years of chronic hamstring pain (right up in the origin on the sit bone). I had very mild findings on scan too. Nothing worked until I found this work.

Literally thought I was reading my own story, how interesting. I similarly obtained those injuries whilst at university studying something that might not in hindsight have been what I really wanted to do.

It does sound like TMS though, irrespective of my experience. Happy to help if I can given the similarities

Thanks for your message Adam.

Crazy to hear you also had hamstring / shoulder region pain combined.
So you know how frustrating and difficult it gets. Hamstring limits entire lower body, shoulder the upper body.

Like in my case; I love to hike, go to the gym, fishing, gardening... I could have still enjoyed / be enjoying hiking without any problems with a painfull shoulder, yet my hamstring makes the hiking difficult. Or otherwise, I could have gone fishing with a nagging hammie (I think kinda) but then the shoulder is hurting after too much casting. You get what I mean.... There has been no possibility to have a good lower or upper body workout in the gym anymore since there is always one of the 2 that gets irritated doing no matter what

Another thing; did you also get a lot of trouble at your hamstring simply by sitting? In my case it's more the distal part of the hamstring (lower half up untill behind the knee), and I have been having trouble sitting almost every single day since the injury. 20 minutes of sitting can be enough to have the back of my knee burning like crazy... this trouble with sitting seems to be a symptom of some kind of hamstring pathology tho... Or it can simply compress it, making it pissed off. That's the thing, I need to change my mind and thought process.

At the moment it's still 'see my hamstring is burning when sitting' - 'See I am still INJURED'-... even tho MRI came back 100% ok. And I can go hike for 17 km without too much trouble (but afterwards it'll start acting up like crazy for multiple days tho).

Going to be spending time on the SEP and reading some books, and I also think, as I've read somewhere that it might be beneficial to stop mindlessly doing PT. I've been doing PT 3-4 times per week for the past 17 months, which keeps re-enforcing the idea I am dealing with an injury that needs to heal.. Any thougths on that?

Take care.

 

[Adam Coloretti (coach)]

Another thing; did you also get a lot of trouble at your hamstring simply by sitting? In my case it's more the distal part of the hamstring (lower half up untill behind the knee), and I have been having trouble sitting almost every single day since the injury. 20 minutes of sitting can be enough to have the back of my knee burning like crazy... this trouble with sitting seems to be a symptom of some kind of hamstring pathology tho... Or it can simply compress it, making it pissed off. That's the thing, I need to change my mind and thought process.

Oh yes - my pain was on the inside of the sit-bone (where the hamstring originates) - so I couldn't even sit for 2 minutes with flaring it. You're right - the idea that sitting was compressing my hamstring was in my head for years - but it was rubbish (there was never anything wrong with my hamstring, except maybe for the 2-4 weeks after the injury) - and that thought (amongst others) kept my fear alive and in turn the symptoms.

And I can go hike for 17 km without too much trouble (but afterwards it'll start acting up like crazy for multiple days tho).

That's good countering evidence - I couldn't walk 100 metres without it flaring at its worst.

which keeps re-enforcing the idea I am dealing with an injury that needs to heal..

Correct - I didn't really recover in any meaningful way until I stopped trying to fix myself with PT (because there was nothing to fix)

 

[Booble]

Thank you for your message Booble.

I'll be re-reading it a lot in my journey.

Yes, definetely. Worry, worry, worry and worry some more. And then some more.

Indeed, my own wordings and thoughts are especially negative. Genre: 'see, this is for life', 'I'll never get better', 'I'll never be able to enjoy my hobbies anymore', 'I am permanently affected', etc. Quite literally the opposite of being my own supporter.

Really need to use more positive wording in my thougths. Especially since most imaging has been rather positive-ish. Maybe someone with a more positive outlook in life would have been extremely glad with the same imaging results, thinking 'Oh nice, ok it's looking rather positive'. But I've been dealing with too much for too long, and it has completely taken over my mood and mental resilliance. Need to snap out of it, break out of it somehow.

Thanks again and take care

It's great that you recognize it.
Our minds are like a garden and the weeds grow unless we actively keep them out.