Alan G. Figuring out what causes flare-ups

[Jules]

Great post and comments. I too have had a major flare this holiday season and the pressure to do everything for everyone. It seems women have major stress at this time with cooking, cleaning, shopping, baking, wrapping, decorating, and the like. Glad it's over now but my TMS has flared big time. My daughter also came back from college for the holidays and even though I love her, we don't get along at all and unfortunately, we end up fighting after a few days. She is someone who has to be right and screw your opinion. She also shuts you down anytime you try and defend yourself or may have a different viewpoint, which is extremely aggravating and raging.

Since she's been here, she's reverted back to her old habits of leaving everything out and making messes. When she's gone, the house stays clean, because she's our youngest and the other kids are married. I hate feeling this way because it feels selfish and that's when TMS rears its ugly head.

I do know this is TMS because I was able to paint my house with NO arm, shoulder, or rib pain, the majority of where my TMS resides, just last week, so I know it's not structural or pathological. Triggers are powerful and can elicit symptoms in an instant for me.

Thanks for sharing.

 

[Wavy Soul]

“cooking, cleaning, shopping, baking, wrapping, decorating, and the like.“

Thanks Jules! It’s good for me to remember that having a family doesn’t solve anything. Every life situation has its own stresses. I have been having a little bit of the “holiday demographic depression“ — meaning that I am single, have NO family, and live alone at the holidays, like the rest of the year, which means I have to make quite a bit of effort to be in social situations, such as a small party I’m putting on today.

And I never elected to have children, and am divorced (although available, for the right copacetic creature), and in the last couple of weeks I’ve had the thought a couple of times, “Oh sh*t, I forgot to have children!” As in, “that would handle the holidays, where everyone except me including my close friends is ‘so busy’” with kids and grandkids - it’s almost embarassing and shameful to be the one who is going home to silent, spacious life with a cat (who is also close to her end).

In a recent conversation with Steve Ozanich, he said to me that the main TMS triggers he finds in people are loneliness and ageing (the latter is a chapter in his brilliant book “The Great Pain Deception,” which I hope everyone knows to read).

So thank you Jules for reminding me that an alternate life path for me as a woman might have included “ cooking, cleaning, shopping, baking, wrapping, decorating, and the like.” And family relationships that are not all Leave It To Beaver.

Yikes. I don’t know which sounds better or worse... and may all of us be happy, and find that true relationship with our Source that gradually heals the core angst. And may we, less and less, act out this core angst through our bodily symptoms.

 

[Jules]

I agree. The grass isn't always greener on the other side, right? I often wonder what it would be like to not be married or have kids, since the majority of my TMS pain began after those events. Not saying I don't love or want my family, but there is a cost. My kids are all grown now so we are empty-nesters, but with two grandchildren, I feel like I'm starting over! I love them but I've had to babyproof the house again.

I do feel lonely though when its just me at home, (work from home) and hubby works all day, but the freedom to not have to worry about taking care of kids and house comstantly is refreshing and freeing. That induces guilt in me, because of the goodist and perfectionist traits I have.

 

[saskia]

Thank You Allan..I could not agree more! I was doing all that...and so putting even more pressure on myself. Constantly asking why now, what have I done, what do I feel, what is the cause of the pain,...why is not getting any better, since I am doing everything that is recommended, always being hardworker and conscientious. Vicious circle.
Now I am more in to observing, letting loose, and if any emotions in form of body sensations arise, I just let them be and come out not even asking why, from where.I try to be more in the emotions and the body than in my had. And if the pain reoccur I say hello and tell her, that I will not let her steal my day. I say ok, you are here but I have other things to do than occupying with you. I try to be kind to myself and saying to myself: here is the place for you and your true emotions. You do not have to protect anybody you do not have to look perfect and happy all the time. Live with the harmony with your moment....

 

[Tennis Tom]

...My daughter also came back from college for the holidays and even though I love her, we don't get along at all and unfortunately, we end up fighting after a few days. She is someone who has to be right and screw your opinion. She also shuts you down anytime you try and defend yourself or may have a different viewpoint, which is extremely aggravating and raging.

Since she's been here, she's reverted back to her old habits of leaving everything out and making messes. When she's gone, the house stays clean, because she's our youngest and the other kids are married. I hate feeling this way because it feels selfish and that's when TMS rears its ugly head.

Just curious if your daughter has a job and is paying her way through college, or are you?

 

[Jules]

Just curious if your daughter has a job and is paying her way through college, or are you?

She has a summer job and has been using that money to help pay her way. Out of my three kids, she is the most responsible. She's had a job since she was 12, so she's been quite independent.

She has a heavy load so adding a job would cause her more issues so we told her to focus on her classes so she doesn't fail.

 

[Bodhigirl]

Thanks for your response Bodhigirl. Believe me I am trying to have an open mind...

Was wondering how your leg pain persisted or released, T. Hope your willingness opened the uncon to letting go!
Revisiting the site because my right leg is hurting. Twisted my ankle on the Pilates reformer and torqued something real. Don't want to give it any juice from my uncon or TMS driven stuff.
Rode horseback the past two days anyway, nothing stops me! I am convinced that "resting" just gives me ammunition to believe my Poor Me story.
That said, off to walk the dogs though I don't feel like it I know I will feel better afterwards!

PS just donated to Dr Schubiner's indiegogo fundraiser for brain imaging! Exciting stuff!