Day 5 Feelings About a Past Trauma

Hi All,

Years ago I really fell for a girl though we had not actually dated, I think we were in the pre-amble stage. Being with her made me feel warm secure and comfortable, but the thought of taking the step of actually asking her out filled me with fear, fear of being rejected. When it came to calling her to meet up I would be full of intrepidation but once we had arranged to meet my whole world was alright.

Eventually my habit of skirting around the issue of asking her out probably put her off of me and she gently and politely let me down. When this happened I felt absolutely numb with shock, I was to afraid of my thoughts and feelings to actually face them at the that time. Numbness is horrible torture. I wasn't sleeping and I had lost my appetite which is something that never happens to me. I know now that numbness is akin to depression, it is a pain that resulted from avoiding the fear of facing my true thoughts. Those thoughts were that I am absolutely ugly and unloveable and unwanted by anyone. I am aware of those thoughts now with hindsight and I can face them and do not believe them at all now.

It took me a long time to get over that. It is only in the last couple of weeks since I have learned about TMS that I truly feel that I could cope with seeing her again and even that I would be confident about it and enjoy the meeting. Even 7 years of psychotherapy couldn't get me to that point. The biggest lesson I have learned from TMS is "I can". Fear is no longer my master, I am.


Willow

 

Very courageous and beautiful post!

 

Thanks for your support TG957.