Feeling so much anger and frustration over wrist/hand pain and others

L

Lilybluerose

Peer Supporter
I just need to vent a bit. I am feeling extremely frustrated. What started as wrist pain, is now in my hands and my fingers and palm of hand and forearm. I had this for a while a year or more ago, and it went away for months pretty much. Now its back, and what is really making me mad, is feeling pain in my fingers now. I did not have this before.

I am on day 5 of the sep program , and have been reading and learning and studying so many things on TMS. I have a dr appointment tomorrow to ask for an MRI of my arm/hand to rule out structural stuff.

It really hurts today, and I feel there is no freaking reason for this. It started up from me just thinking abot playing an MMO with an MMO mouse, and its been hurting bad ever since I said screw it, Im just going to play when I want and do what I want, including exercise which was another trigger for me in the past.

I was pretty positive up until today. My fingers feel like they have injuries in them. Kind of like when you twist or pull your finger and it hurts. This is in my thumb and index finger, and now my ring finger. Even typing now my fingers feel so weird, and fatigued, and my wrist and forearm and elbow hurt and are burning. Its SO hard for me to except that nothing is truly wrong with my body. I really hope the MRI comes back clean so I can move on, and hopefully accept this. It just truly feels like something is wrong, and it is causing alot of anxiety, fear, and stress.

Its infuriating, and obsessive and taking joy out of my life so much.

I just had to vent and get this out of there, this feeling will pass soon :(
 
And also in general both of my arms just feel fatigued and weak. Its driving me nuts. My back has been hurting too, which may be from being a bit more active, but I dont know. Part of me is laughing like wow brain, really? And part is anxious and scared. What a rollercoaster
 
Lilybluerose said:
Part of me is laughing like wow brain, really? And part is anxious and scared. What a rollercoaster
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Try to keep laughing, @Lilybluerose! Your fearful brain is fighting back harder as you do the work. It is DESPERATE to keep you anxious and scared, because it thinks you'll be in danger if you're not worried all the time.

An increase in symptoms is actually a very common experience as people get into the SEP. It means you are getting somewhere. And, it is proof of TMS. Yes, definitely have the MRI, and when it comes up clean, leave that behind and move forward with confidence.
 
Thank you, it really helps to hear someone say that! This is scary/dark stuff. Especially since I really cant figure out what I could be repressing!

I am curious your thoughts on this. There are things that I KNOW that I avoid thinking about because it gives me a lot of guilt/anxiety to think about, and so I make myself stop thinking about them. Could that be part of the issue? Vs actual repressed things that I cant think of consciously?

Thank you
 
Lilybluerose said:
There are things that I KNOW that I avoid thinking about because it gives me a lot of guilt/anxiety to think about, and so I make myself stop thinking about them. Could that be part of the issue?
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YES!!!!

As you make your lists for the SEP exercises, your brain will try to convince you that you don't need to look at those things. WRONG!

YOU MUST FORCE YOURSELF TO WRITE THOSE THINGS DOWN.

When I did this, I realized that the things themselves were not earth shattering, and not even important to living my life on one level, but my brain had still repressed them as embarrassing or shameful, and the fact that they came up at all meant that they still had power within my subconscious. Bringing them out, acknowledging and accepting them, and then accepting myself, was very freeing, and it turned a corner in my recovery.
 
Ty so much!! I will definitely continue to do this then! That part was holding me back because I thought it meant only repressed things that I M not aware of!

Is it okay to delete stuff after I write? One thing is a bit dark and embarrassing and I don't want it anywhere where anyone can see it. I journal online app. Tha k you for your time!
 
Lilybluerose said:
Is it okay to delete stuff after I write?
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Definitely! For electronic journaling, make sure that you don't have the autosave feature turned on. Or, if you like that feature for other journaling, you could use a brand-new document that you don't ever save - simply delete all of your text before logging off and don't let the program save it. Or, the method that Nicole Sachs uses is to have a document just for TMS journaling, (she calls it JournalSpeak in her training) on which she deletes all of the text before saving it each day. That way the "autosave" backup document disappears, and the saved copy is always blank.

Your choice.

You might benefit from the many resources available from the wonderful @Nicole J. Sachs LCSW. She's got a a web site with free resources (and a paid program, which costs about the same as one or two sessions with a psychotherapist) plus a fabulous podcast called The Cure For Chronic Pain With Nicole Sachs LCSW. In her podcast she often talks about journaling (and about honesty in journaling). Nicole used to have a full practice as a TMS therapist, but she gave that up in order to try to "spread the word" much farther and wider - but that means she is now trying to make a living from sales of her book and program and from seminar fees, which is not easy. She is truly awesome in the TMS world and I highly recommend her book as an adjunct to the TMS learning you get here.
 
I have had wrist pain in both wrists a few years back. I know now it was my tms finding a new home that would scare me. I initially had it in my left wrist and would hurt when I typed. I bought a splint, had X-rays and mris and they founds nothing. Then got cortisone shot which didn’t help. I think the pain moved to my stomach after that but then my right wrist began hurting. Left wrist, right wrist , Stomach etc..
I also had left shoulder pain years before that which led to surgery but then the shoulder began hurting me again. Soon after same pain in the right shoulder. I no longer fear hand pain so tms never goes there for me. It finds other places and I’m working on those nowadays.
 
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