Feeling lost and lonely on this journey seeking guidance from those who’ve been there.

Hi everyone,

I developed TMS symptoms (lower back pain and sciatica) all of a sudden in my early 20s, right after starting university. Before this, I was a center back on my college football team, doing well academically (pursuing undergrad in Computer Science), fit with visible abs, and generally an optimistic, driven person.

But ever since my symptoms began, it feels like I’ve slowly lost myself.
I was dropped from my football team, my grades fell because I couldn’t attend lectures regularly, and I started to hate how I looked. It’s now been five years since my first episode of back pain, and I barely recognize the person I’ve become.

I got addicted to painkillers, developed a masturbation habit to numb my symptoms, and even an eating disorder something I never had before, as I was always disciplined about my diet. Eventually, I became unemployed because I couldn’t sit for long hours or handle a desk job. My world shrank—I stopped attending family events, avoided meeting friends, and felt ashamed of who I’d become.

Meanwhile, most of my college friends and peers have moved ahead in their careers, while I feel stuck and left behind.

All my MRI scans, blood tests, and reports are normal. Doctors confirmed there’s no structural issue just mild disc bulges that are considered normal. That’s when I came across the concept of Neuroplastic Pain / TMS, and it immediately resonated.

I read The Way Out by Alan Gordon, and it honestly felt like he was narrating my life story. I’m now reading Healing Back Pain by Dr. Sarno and Crushing Doubt by Dan Ratner. One common pattern I’ve noticed in myself is constant comparison and self-criticism. I keep telling myself that I’m wasting my mid-20s and not doing enough, even though deep down I know recovery takes time and that my journey is unique.

Still, this pressure to “catch up” keeps feeding my symptoms, and the loneliness makes it even harder because no one around me truly understands TMS. And there are no PRT coach in my country as its still a new concept over here (I'm from India)

The good thing is that my parents, a few friends, and my physiotherapist have been supportive and understanding throughout. But I still find myself angry at who I’ve become, especially since I had clear goals I wanted to achieve before turning 25. I just turned 25 a few months ago.

I guess I’m sharing this here because I want to connect with others who’ve gone through something similar people who’ve felt lost but are trying to find their way back through TMS healing.

’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s been through something similar, any guidance or shared experiences would mean a lot to me right now.