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Feeling Guilty

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by COgirl05, Jul 16, 2015.

  1. COgirl05

    COgirl05 Peer Supporter

    This past week has been interesting. After 6 weeks of being pain-free and living my life, I've gotten a pretty good flare-up. Slowly throughout the week, it faded and I was on a good track. Until today! We decided to move my grandma who has dementia into an assisted living facility and the choice and process has been stressful. I didn't realize how much so until the pain flare-up today. It's affected my life and my mom's life greatly, but it's not been an easy decision. We both feel incredible guilt for doing this to her and "sneaking" around behind her back about it. I've been practicing outcome independence and have done a good job with it until today - the fear is creeping back in about whether I'm going to be the one to heal for good or not. I'm feeling a little sad, frustrated and discouraged!
  2. hecate105

    hecate105 Beloved Grand Eagle

    you are doing the right thing by noticing it but not freaking out. Be gentle with yourself, allow yourself to be sad and concerned about your Grandma but also recognise that you are doing the best you can to ensure her safety and comfort. Sometimes just facing the things that we are stressed about as we go along can then allow the pain to go. Normally we might repress some or all the emotional turmoil (it gets to be a habit)
    I have found myself getting the odd flare up of pain, but as soon as I look psychologically at it and think - 'what am I likely to be stressed/worried/angry at? it tends to go. I think it gets to be such a habit it keeps happening in the vain hope that we might take notice and start 'tending' it! So identify the stressor/s - and then you can ignore it!
    Good luck
  3. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, COgirl. It's natural to feel some guilt about caring for your grandmother, but you did the right thing.
    I found a good video on guilt on Yputube from J.P. Sears, an emotional stress healer in California.
    He has quite a few good lecture videos that are worth watching.

    I felt guilty about not being able to keep caring for my mother after two years, but journaling helped me realize
    she was impossible to please. My older sister gave up on trying, and my older brother never tried at all.
    We can only do so much, then have to get help for them.

    Don't feel guilty. Feel glad you did all that you could.

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