Feeling Down

Joulegirl

Joulegirl

Beloved Grand Eagle
I'm struggling mentally this past week. I have been seeing such progress! In the middle of May, I had to stop the SEP program. I didn't have time between work and my kids activities that are wrapping up. Thankfully, we are less busy for the summer and I can now jump on the SEP program again where I left off. However, I journaled about an unsent letter and I was angry at them. I really wrote what I thought-no filter. And I ended up with pain that will not go away. It happened immediately after the letter was done.

So to be honest I am scared to journal right now. I was doing really well and I was seeing some pain free days. Now my pain is back and I can't get rid of it and it's been about a week now.

Is this TMS trying to stop me from journaling again? I think it is. I feel like taking a break and just focusing on my life instead of journaling made the pain go down. Now when I started journaling after having two weeks off-the pain is back in full force. Should I just go ahead and journal to see what happens?
 
Oh, you bet that’s resistance!
Why not write an unsent letter to your resistance?
Talk about the emotions that other letter forced you to feel, and the rage, guilt, shame that *might* be subconsciously present. Rail at your resistance for not allowing yourself to let go.
Remember that as horrible as it feels, pain is only a sensation. As hard as it is to do, try telling it that although you don’t choose it, you understand it’s here for now. Just let it be.
You might be right that journaling for you is “done” for the most part, but try to complete the SEP. It is so helpful for the future to know how your triggers began. It begins to lessen their power.
I had severe symptoms through the SEP, and so I slowed my work in it down and increased my enjoyment (or attempts at enjoyment) factor. One thing I did was get up early and sit outside with a coffee and word search to take my mind off of everything for 20 minutes. I did half an SEP lesson every second day (journal every 2nd day). Eventually my mind resisted less.
However since finishing the SEP I’ve only journaled maybe 5 times.
Instead I choose to meditate more regularly and go on long walks. But to get a good foundation of the work and to learn where and how to deal with emotions I did finish the SEP.
 
I fell into the rabbit hole of wondering why I was hurting this bad again. It took me a day to realize that my TMS probably didn't want me journaling again. I'm totally going to write a letter tonight for the resistance. That's a great suggestion! I'm definitely finishing the SEP-I think it has been helpful and I have to finish what I start! That's the perfectionism in me!
 
You are brave, @Joulegirl ! I would say you probably struck upon the mother lode. You’re getting closer. But take it gently. If you have to rest, rest. Just know that you’re going forward even if it seems like you’re slipping backwards. Trust me. ❤️
 
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